April 9th, 2016
I'm new here, and am so glad to have found a forum that tackles issues that deals with parenting and other people's children. I have a 19 year old daughter, my fiance has a 14 year old son. My daughter has been living with her biological dad since she was 15 (VERY rebellious back then, but she has improved immensely). My fiance and I have been living together for 3 years now, and his son comes to visit every other weekend.
The issue I want to discuss is: is it OK for my fiance to ALWAYS leave his son with me? Don't get me wrong, he's a great father. However, when he leaves to run errands, he never asks me if it's OK to leave his son with me. He'll give his son the option of whether he wants to stay home with me while his dad runs to the store or even a few errands, but he's NEVER given me that option and I just feel that it's always been disrespectful, as if I don't have plans to go anywhere (which most of the time on the weekends, I don't, but still...). My daughter comes to visit us on the weekends as well, not as much anymore because she has a job and a life outside of me.
However, I've never left my daughter with my fiance except for one time, and when I DID leave her at home with him, they were both still asleep and it was early morning. Although they were still asleep, I still had the decency to ask him if it was OK that my daughter stayed with him while I went to get us some McDonald's for breakfast-and she's 19!! But I feel that she's MY responsibility, not his, and I thought he should feel the same way. He said he didn't mind her staying with him, and that was fine. But I have NEVER had the luxury to be asked if it's OK if his son stays home with me while he's out running errands. He may be gone anywhere from 30 minutes to maybe a couple of hours. It's never been such a long time to the point where I say something about it, well...one time, there was. I could be asleep, taking a nap, and I'll wake up and see his son on the couch playing his video games, while I have NO IDEA where his dad ran off to, his son will have to tell me where he's at. I really don't like bringing his son up to him about anything, because anytime I do, he'll get defensive over him. But that still doesn't take away from the fact that I feel like a babysitter. He's done this ever since I met his son, and that's been 3 years now.
What do you guys think? Am I making too much of it?
February 12th, 2016
I have a son who loves to sing and act on stage. He is very active in his school's kids' theater activities and I can see his passion in doing this, I am not bragging or anything but I think he can be successful someday and become someone famous.
I am constantly giving him support on his passion at a very young age, and this year I promised him to give him a one of a kind summer activity so he can develop and improve his talent.
Can anyone here recommend a place to go like a summer camp? I live in California and willing to travel this summer with my son to assist him on this.
December 16th, 2015
This flashback just popped in my head. When my daughter was baby I would have a Baby First Home Visitor come by every week or few weeks. She encouraged me to get my kid to explore everything and teach her as much as possible. This included her encouraging me to allow her to play with her food. This really riled up my mom's feathers. My mom is all about table manners and eating properly. Since I was living with my mom at the time, I still had to go by her rules. This wasn't the only thing my mom had a problem with this BFHV. But I could see both sides and, to this day, I'm conflicted as to who was right.
On the one hand, baby's should be able to explore their food. Feel it in their hands, smell it, taste it, drop it and see what happens. That's what often happen anyways. Babies always make a mess. And, it's a great introduction to curiosity and fascination with food that could lead a child in becoming a successful chef, baker, food artist or just be great in the kitchen. So, yes, it really bothered me that my mom placed such a high expectation of cleanliness during a baby's meal time.
At the same time, I can see that babies learning manners is important, and the earlier they learn dining etiquette the easier it is to take them out to restaurants an other people's houses when you can ensure that there is a level of respect instilled into your kid.
But that sounds rather stiff and stuffy.
October 26th, 2015
I have a 3 year old little boy and this opinion may come with come biases but he he is normally a well mannered kid. He never really throws tantrums and in almost any situation we can reason with him to get him to do what we need him to do and has always responded very well to the threat or realization of a timeout. Last night was a complete exception and I am worried that this completely abnormal behavior is because of some kind of anxiety attack or other emotional breakdown and would love some thoughts.
Like most kids he doesn't love going to bed and normally makes up some excuse to prolong getting there. (I'm hungry, I have to go potty, I need a drink) being some of this typical go tos. Last night was no exception and like normal we prepared for them by giving him a snack before bed making sure he went potty and letting him have some water. This normally speeds up the bedtime process but last night when he asked for a snack before we left the room he became hysterical when we told him he had just had one and if he went to sleep we could have a big breakfast in the morning. Not wanting to give in and knowing he had a large dinner and snack this conversation went on for 25 minutes and lots of frustration.
I then picked him up and took him in the soon to be nursery for number 2 where I rocked him and we talked and he returned to his well mannered behavior and mannerisms and completely forgot about wanting a snack until I tried to put him back into his bed then the hysteria began again when I tried to leave the room. Frustrated I threatened timeout if he got out of bed and didn't lay down and seconds after I left and shut the door he opened it and left the room. (which he has never done before and knows is a big no no) He immediately went to timeout then into bed where he jumped right out of the second I shut the door.
Now he was no longer asking for a snack he was just being honest and was telling me what he really wanted saying don't leave me while crying hysterically. This might sound like a typical tantrum for a three year old but again I can not emphasize enough how uncharacteristic and abnormal this behavior his for him.
Out of frustration I then threatened the big guns and told him if he got out of bed I would flick his head. Which he will avoid like the plague and historically does anything we ask with the threat of a head flick. But as soon as I left out of bed he came. After following through on the threat and putting back to bed he immediately came back for more. And at this point I had to assume that there was something more than just defiant behavior if he was willing to risk multiple head flicks to not be alone.
I then spent the rest of the night in and out of his bed sneaking out after he was asleep and dragging him back back through the night when he would wake up and realize I was gone.
I have never seen him that desperate to not be alone or act even close to how he was acting. Because this was so abnormal for him I am worried that he has some kind of anxiety attack or some other physiological issue. Has anyone ever had anything like this happen before? Am I overreacting and he was just afraid of the dark? Should I seek some other professional advice? Any advice or thoughts would be helpful.
August 14th, 2015
My children have received a couple of birthday party invitations now that urge attendees to donate to some charity as "admission." First it was a party at the roller skate rink, asking guests to bring a can of food for the Food Bank. Another wanted us to bring a bag of dog food or cat food for the local animal shelter in lieu of a gift, even though it was held at a public playground, and literally anyone could show up - whether they know the birthday kid or not.
I guess I just don't get the point in turning birthdays into charity drives. Can't people just make their own choices about what to support? Maybe I'm just experiencing charity fatigue, but I don't see why children's social events all have to be turned into fundraisers. It seems silly to hold an extravagant party and then make a big show of collecting a few dollars' worth of food for a charity that already has ample community support. Are the parents just trying to show off or what?
July 25th, 2015
Very popular here in UK, but where i came from, it had disappeared together with dinosaurs.
If we're so much for gender equality, this thing makes no sense. At least to me.
What do you think?
May 26th, 2015
I'm on another forum specific to the paranormal. I already have my set views on this. I've been researching and exploring the paranormal most of my life. I've had some experiences all throughout my life, so has my daughter. I taught her and talked to her about it all her life, too. I would rather her be able to know she can come to me and talk to me whenever she needs to without worrying about not being believed or laughed at or being treated like she's crazy.
Anyways, I'm just opening up this debate and seeing what y'all think about exposing kids to the paranormal outside Halloween?
Yay, okay or absolutely not?
March 24th, 2015
There is still a lot of people who have a hard time when it comes to this topic. Is it fair that male and female babysitters are not treated equally? Are there any differences in the way they work?
I'm interested in hearing experiences, opinions and suggestions any of you have.
March 5th, 2015
What does it mean when a parent says that their child is sensitive? I hear this reference as a positive thing. I just kind of assume that a "sensitive" person is one who is understanding of others' needs, possibly more than the typical child their age. But I think parents are using this as a euphemism for whiny kids. Because the kind of "sensitive" that I'm seeing is the kind that will have a meltdown any time they don't get their way.
Yesterday I was supervising some kids who were playing rock-paper-scissors to pass the time. One kid suddenly starts bawling at the top of his lungs. He's 8. So I thought, oh crap, he got hurt. Nope. When I asked what happened, he said, "I NEVER win!!"
I said, "Seriously? You're going to cry about losing at rock-paper-scissors?!"
This is just one of a series of instances in a class of normal, mainstreamed kids. I really think parents are raising their boys to be totally ridiculous babies. And the staff totally pander to this. I don't mean they give in to the kids' demands, but they do try to soothe and comfort them, instead of telling them that their reaction is inappropriate. I think it's absurd for a third grader to be having a toddler-like reaction to losing a low-stakes little game.
I had a similar situation last year in a carpool situation, and after the second incident (the first time I was totally caught off-guard), I pulled over and said we would wait until he was ready to act his age, because I don't tolerate that behavior in my car. (He said he'd tell his mom on me, so I got my phone, and said, "Okay, let's call her and see how she wants to handle this." He suddenly pulled himself together instead.)
When my three-year-old starts to have a tantrum, I take away the activity and put her straight to bed. No debate. Sometimes I'll give a warning, but only one, then it's naptime. I don't even attempt to resolve the issue when they're tired and irrational. Why would this still be happening in third grade?? Maybe my memory is bad, but if any of us acted like that by that age, my parents would be asking what the heck was wrong with us!
February 10th, 2015
My close friend is a single mother with kids ages 3 and 5. She works full time as a nurse and has been feeling overwhelmed with work and her kids recently. I offered to come over to give some moral support, knowing that the kids tend to be overly aggressive and I don't have any kids of my own. Anyways, while I was there, the youngest son was continuously hitting his older sister despite my friend telling him to stop. After several warnings, she pulls him into the bathroom. Then I heard a few loud slapping sounds along with the her son wailing. What should I do? Is this okay!?