Martin73

Hi, this is my first time posting and I am in need of some advice. I am a divorced dad and my two children-son 5, daughter 7 live with their mother. I see them once during the week and every weekend. I am having a problem with my son throwing bad tantrums when I come to pick him up. They are getting more frequent and worse.

His mother has a hard time with him. She has told me she needs to be more consistent when it comes to punishment. She has bribed him with candy, or doing what he wants when he has thrown fits in public. She is better at home, but I think this has created a bad habit and he seems to know that a fit equals reward.

Here is what happened last time. When I pull up, he is fine for a minute, then starts crying to his mother about not wanting to go. He say he wants to stay and play with his step sisters. His crying gets worse and he won't let go of his mother. She tries to put him in my car and thats when the kicking and screaming start. He unbuckles his seatbelt and becomes very angry. I sat in the parking lot for over an hour last time because I explained to him we can not drive without everyone being buckled. I felt like it was a battle to see who would give in first. After an hour and me playing eye spy with my daughter, he started to come around. I told my daughter that I would take them bike riding on a trail the next day and he asked if he could come. I said of course, but we can't go anywhere until he buckled his seatbelt. He did eventually, but I felt like I gave in to him and in the big picture let him down.


This is where I am lost. My son when not in the tantrum frame of mind is loving, sweet, caring, very well behaved, you name it. When he is with me other than picking him up, he is tantrum free 98% of the time. When he does attempt one, I give him a short time out an he recovers nicely. Once he goes into this tantrum-when I pick him up, I can no longer talk to him. He won't listen and stays upset for over an hour.

My question is what can I do? It breaks my heart that this happens when I pick him up. If anyone has any advice on how to handle this I am open to try anything. Thank you.