jtee

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I mostly needed say something to relieve some of the stress. This is just something guys don't go about discussing among each other. I don’t know any guys who might try to take advantage of her in the future, but I think it is best keep this a private matter. I do think finding a good family counselor is in order to help get our lives back to normal.

Our daughter turned 11 in January. The boy involve is Mike and he is 13. They are like a close brother and sister, our daughter Jill refers to Mike as her God brother and always enjoys spending time with him. One moment they might argue, and the next minute it is all forgotten. To see them together it is clear they have a close bond and truly enjoy each other’s company, it has always been that way since they been very young and has gotten stronger as they have grown older. I have never thought of it other than a brother - sister relationship and I don’t think anyone else did either. They act like brother and sister and it is easy even for us as two separate pair of parents to forget they aren't related.

According to my wife, Jill has not had her first period yet. The gynecologist estimated 1+ years. Jill is a petite girl, but she started wearing a bra when she was 10. My wife, who is also petite, has educated me that Jill is more physically mature than I, as her dad, realize. She says Jill’s small size compared to other girls her age gives the illusion that Jill is not as developed as they are, when in fact she is further along than girls who are naturally larger than her. The gynecologist told us Jill is as physically mature as an average girl 1-2 years older; a stage capable of intercourse without physical difficulty.

I am going to leave the sex talk between my wife and our daughter. I wouldn’t know where to begin, or what to say. Mother and daughter have had some discussions about sex prior to finding the kids together, but even my wife was caught by surprise by all of this. According to my wife, the discussions were on par with what a mother would discuss with typical 11 year old girl who is developing. The topic of using protection never came up because the subject of intercourse was only discussed in the abstract. In hindsight, my wife admits Jill was indirectly curious about sexual feelings, but it was never framed in a manner that directly connected it to something she was feeling herself, which apparently she probably was feeling.

I am personally torn about my wife discussing the issue of birth control with her because of her age. I know I’d be reluctant even if she was 14-15 years old and we were in the same situation. My wife is leaning towards having that discussion in the near feature because Jill has had sex several times since February, and did so by choice. My wife feels Jill needs to know that the boy’s semen was found in her vagina (Jill has not been told about this yet), and despite her young age, she needs to understand she should be taking precautions for that not to happen again. At a rationale and logical level I understand this point, but emotionally as her dad, this is hard to accept. Maybe women understand this better, and don’t have the same problem accepting the realities of this kind of situation because they were once girls. In a discussion last night my wife told me that I perceive Jill as physically still being a “girl”, when she is physically more of a “young woman” than I realize. It is just hard for me to perceive any 11-12 girl as being anything but a girl just because she developed enough to start wearing a bra and other such things.

One thing is for certain, I was not prepared for anything like this to happen. I know it could have been a lot worse, and should thankful that it is not, but it still doesn’t make the current situation easier to deal with knowing of worse cases which are truly sad for young girls.
Sorry for another long post, just can't seem to condense it down to a few words that says it all. I am just trying to sort it out for myself and getting a little feedback is helpful.