 Re: At wits end, need advice! | |
My daughter is only 4 1/2 and I'm no perfect parent or person.
In some ways I agree with everything here (other than the small claims court), but really, I'd have to think harder about those opinions to make a final conclusion as to what I really agree with.
The reason I'm posting is to bring light to another area that no one has mentioned.
You said that he started getting into the party scene - smoking and drinking, skipping classes, the whole loss of the job.
Sounds to me like your son is dealing with some major motivation issues and possibly depression. It wasn't that long ago that I was in a similar boat. Now I can't say that my parents paid for my education and I gave up on it, costing them their money. But I can say there was a time where I gave up on a lot in my life and chose to drink, do drugs and smoke instead of anything else. Then it turned into a cycle - feel bad about a decision, get drunk, wake up, feel like crap from drinking, the drinking is a depressant which only made me feel worse about my poor choices, ok so smoked a joint, forgot about it temporarily, then was too stoned and drunk to make good choices, so I made another bad choice, and then dwelled some more on that poor choice, felt even worse about myself, but hey, have another drink then I was on top of the world....do you see what I'm saying.
I don't think the real issue is forefront and centre here - it might not have anything to do with you, your wife, how you raised him, or the values you taught him, or the school etc. etc. etc. - there may be a deeper problem that is being overlooked.
Sure, don't put this concept into his head, cuz if he is just being a lazy bum, and he hears this depression thing, he might use it as an excuse, but I'd definately open your eyes a little more and take a look at the bigger picture - and while you're doing it, try to remove your emotional attachment from the situation to get a better look at the big picture.
We often don't see everything when we impair the whole truth due to being emotional. |