freezieframe

thanks so much sage mother, for your advice. I'm sure she has felt rejected by us at some point, and that is part of the reason I've decided to seek counseling, because I feel I have to learn to be more accepting of behavior that might not follow 'normal' rules, b/c there is no 'normal'. I've always known that love shouldn't come with conditions, and perhaps we were unwittingly placing them on her. It's amazing how a family crisis can bring out your flaws, and help you work on them. In the meantime, she called today and came to see her dad. we didn't talk about the situation, we just wanted to visit. when she didn't feel pressured, she started talking about him and his family, kids, etc. she told us how everything started between them, during the summer, when another co-worker asked for her # and he told the guy to back off. when she asked why he did that, he told her it was his job to protect her, and he would make sure she didn't date 'losers'. their relationship started shortly after that, and since her job schedule kept them together alot, she was always with him. in the beginning, him, her, and the g/f worked at the same location, but in sept he had g/f xferred. she's not sure if his g/f ever found out about them. the problem during dec was b/c he was going to propose to his g/f and she didn't want to be the 'other woman' when he married. he was only proposing to his g/f b/c he wanted to gain custody of his boys, and felt it would be easier if he were married. she tried to xfer, but he refused to agree to it. so she started being late, etc, trying to get fired. he saved her job, so she must be more important to him that the g/f. mgmt xferred him in early feb b/c they noticed his behavior toward my daughter, and felt it was bordering on harrassment. he was interrupting her training sessions and clients were complaining, he had the evening sign out sheets moved to his office so he would know when she left, he would drop in on her conversations with other mgrs, etc. the g/f broke up with him in jan, then left the company when mgmt xferred him to her location. that's when he realized he didn't ever really love his g/f, he really loves my daughter, and wants to get married b/c they are soul mates, etc. for the moment, he doesn't want anyone in the company to know about their relationship, b/c he feels ppl would 'frown' on it, since the ex just moved out. during this conversation, my hubby got up and left, I found him upstairs crying. I just listened, and made few comments b/c that's what jmeyer felt was best. when she finished with her story, she told me how glad she was that dad and I had talked with her last wk and pointed out things that she hadn't seen, and she has decided to slow this down a bit, b/c she feels he is trying to move too fast. she also said she was attracted to him partly b/c she felt he was older and more mature, and wouldn't want to play the games younger guys play, but in talking about things today, she saw that he played a game with the ex...while I find the whole story very disturbing, I'm just glad she talked, as she's always done in the past. she has patched up her friendship with her room mate, they have agreed there is nothing they can't deal with. and she did go to school on fri, she knows she is only a few classes from 2 yr degree, and would like to get it done this summer and go into the 4 yr university. she had talked with one of her clients, who encouraged her to stay in school. I know we will get thru this, but I'm not too sure about my husband....it's really hard for dads to let their little girls go...

thanks so much for listening, and please keep us in your prayers...