LovingFather

Bravo for noticing the problem and trying to help. I think this has the potential to be a long-term problem for this boy. Whatever the underlying problem, I would certainly recommend that you communicate to this boy that it is ok for him to express feelings of anger, guilt, pain, sadness or stress - not just to you and his father or sister, but also to his friends, teachers and other significant relationships. He needs to know that he can talk to someone about his feelings. He also needs to know that he has the power to choose when to talk and who he wants to talk with.

Clearly he's stuffing his feelings, which from my experience, is very hard for a four year-old to do. The rubbing of hands and kicking of feet is a cry for help. If the emotions were to accelerate, then bedwetting, loss of appetite or loss of interest in favorite activities could possibly appear.

You may need to be creative and ask him to draw a picture or tell a story to express his feelings rather than speaking. I remember asking my son about a problem. He didn't want to talk about it. My son used to carry a teddy bear around with him. So I asked the bear the question instead of asking my son directly. Through the little bear, my son told me everything that he didn't want to talk about.

No matter how he expresses himself - he needs to release the emotion. Be playful with this. Try having him play with legos or with action figures. You would be amazed what a child can enact in a theatrical setting. Ask him the significance of the characters and what makes them do the fantastic things that they do. If counseling is available that may be an effective option to consider also.

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