Teresa

Sounds like some family counseling might be beneficial in your situation. Mom and daughter seem to be playing off each other, and Mom doesn't seem to realize how her behaviour is just going to reinforce daughter's behaviour and cause it to continue. As long as it's getting her the desired results, why should she stop it? Counseling might also help you and your wife get on the same page with the discipline issues, as well.
Best of luck to all of you.

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Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.