[quote=Precious Amber;68117]
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The part of this that I find the most embarassing is that people cannot believe my feelings are real. I came here thinking "I can't be the only person in the world with this problem. There must be someone else" only to find that my point of view is so despicable people believe I must be playing a prank of some kind.
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You aren't the only parent who feels this way, you may one of the few parents who actually say the words but you aren't alone, no matter what anyone else is saying!
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The words sound hollow as I write them now, after all I've said about my son, but I'm truly not that shallow. Yes, I think looks are important, I always have, but to be honest my obsession with my son's appearance is uncharacteristic, and I can't work out why it matters to me so much.
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At least you are recognizing this, that is a great step.
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Xero: I believe you are right, when my son was born, I was enchanted with him (my only reservation being that he hadn't inherited his father's blond hair). However, as the years went on, he became more and more removed from what I had wanted him to be, and eventually I came home from work one night and realised no part of my life had turned out how I wanted it to, including my son. He was so different from how I'd dreamed. Perhaps it was unrealistic, but I'd hoped for him to look just like his father, and have the same charisma and strength his father had had. Instead I was left with a disappointing amalgamation of his parents' most unfortunate characteristics
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Look closely at what you wrote, your life isn't what you had thought, but instead of focusing on where YOUR problems are in this, you have put them on your son, everything that hasn't gone right in your life is being placed on your son's looks. I can imagine to the outside world your life looks good, if not perfect. But inside nothing is right, nothing is as it should be, nothing went according to plan, and your son is just one reminder of how everything isn't right.
Fix you first, as said, counsoling is the best place to start. I don't think you are a "bad" mom, but a mom with her own self esteem issues.
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To all those who have judged me: I agree with your criticisms and feel I deserve them, but know this - I did not choose to feel this way. I have to wonder, though, if you ever had shallow, negative feelings like mine about something (feelings that you couldn't control), whether you would be so harsh on yourselves.
| I have had these feelings, so I, personally, do unserstand, I think the part that is hard to swallow is that it is aimed at your own son, who is remarkable simply because he is him.
As for trolling, I am curious as to what pleasure someone could extract from posting something like this. All I can say is, I wish my situation really was fictitious.
Thank you.
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