mom2many

This really isn't about you being a step-parent, as awfull as this is at least it happened know and not later where things could be a whole lot more complicated. As to the money, if this was a gift with no stipulations, meaning was it given strictly for the purpose of the wedding? Or to help them out in general?

If this was for the wedding then I would ask the stepson to pay you his portion of the money back, it was given to the couple, and since he is the one that broke it off he should pay that portion back, she shouldn't have to give anything back, she did nothing wrong. If it was given as a general gift to just help them out, then you have to eat your losses, you can't take back something you gave freely and then when you don't like what happens decide that you want it back.

As to confronting him about being an adult, the most adult desicion he can make is to say that he isn't ready for the marriage and that it would be wrong to get married when he isn't feeling it in his heart, yes the girl is upset, she should be, but she will move on and find a man who will love her as she deserves. Let him flounder, he will learn the rest of life's lessons just like the rest of us....trial and error. But family and friends have to be told!

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Jennifer, mom to some wonderful kids!