Tau

IMO - its not the gender that is the issue of blame and responsibility. Its the fact that a legal adult is having sex with a minor.

Its a very serious issue, and one I would respond to strongly if my minor child were involved - no matter if it was one of my boys or my daughter.

You are correct that there isn't much you can do at this point. He is an adult, and will need to take his lumps as they come. IMO - emailing this girls mother was not a wise move since you really have no part to play anymore. These are now his choices, and he will have to live with them.

He has not learned that adult actions come with adult consequences. I don't know that it makes you a bad mother, some kids just need to learn through experience.

Beating yourself up won't help you, this girl, or your son.