NewOregonDad

thank you for your insights. i'm so very grateful for an anonymous forum like this.

When we started dating, he was sleeping in his own bed, in his bedroom. a slow migration from that, to the living room couch to fall asleep while watching tv. within the last six months this has morphed to being unwilling to sleep anywhere else other than with mom.

when we moved into our new home, there was an initial problem when we were assembling our home recording studio. "Bobby" became distraught that this equipment should have gone into his bedroom, because "i'm never going to be in there anyway". I saw this as a clear indication that he has no (current) intent of ever sleeping in his room. i explained that the music gear needs to be in proximity to the computers, and therefore put the room together as planned.

in the past, there's been issues like, "i want to sleep with you. can't you tell him to sleep somewhere else?" but i haven't seen anything like this since we've moved across the country and in with each other. we have a delightful relationship otherwise. we're happy to see each other, are affectionate, and love to play, experiment, and learn together.

i honestly don't mind the co-sleeping. i believe it can only foster a closer familial relationship. i just wish he'd exercise the option to use, play in, and sleep in his own room on occasion, and give us the occasional night without the DVD player keeping us all awake.

the boy is incredibly bonded to his mother. he needs her with him at all times. bathtub. kitchen. television. computer. "Mom! where are you going? stay here!" *commence whining* Likewise, she is entirely focused on the needs of her son, and living in the now, and meeting his needs now. i'm interested in the psychology of the relationship, and at the same time, because i'm the new member of a now three-way relationship, am annoyed by certain aspects, (initial exclusion, lack of regard and respect) and confused by what i'm experiencing. Mom is very wise and open, and has explained, "everyone close to him has died. it's going to be difficult for him to become close to you without having risk of you dying as well. love unconditionally." and so, i do my best. my love for him far outweighs my complaints.

again, i have no outside experience with parenting. this is all very new to me, and i'm learning every day about what a family dynamic is and how it operates.