sandiegoCP

I have no idea where to begin but the title kinda says it all.....

My wife and I (step dad) have our middle girl with us for this school year and the youngest (she is doing well in school)

After both of the girls nearly failing last year at their dads we have them this year.... the problem last year was no supervision and no followup... actually up until this year they have lived with their dad full time with no supervision, no followup and no confrontation to make a long story short....

Anyway the middle girl just is giving us a run for our money and it is early in the school year....

Here is an example of her grades:

08/31/2007 CW prompts 8/31 10/10 100
09/07/2007 CW prompts 9/7 0/10 0 F
09/13/2007 PROJ Speech of Introduction 50/50 100 A+
09/20/2007 PROJ essay for speech 0/50 0 F
09/21/2007 CW prompts 9/21 20/20 100 A+
09/25/2007 HW graphic organizer 0/10 0 F

We talked with her on 9/18 when we saw these grades... 100 F & A+

We have followed up with the teacher and homework.... my brain is just frazzled.... her other grades are:

C * B+ * (F & F Reading and Language same teacher.... is it the teacher????) * A+ & A-

What can we do as parents to help???? without taking away all she cherishes (Computer - Playstation - TV) .... Computer is already taken away & this is not working.........

ANY SUGGESTION GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!!!

Thanks, San Diego Confused Parent

jtee

What is good about what you are doing is that you are on top of it right away.

Taking away privileges may, or may be effective. What you really need to figure out is what going on for total failure in some classes, but not others. The teachers\school is the first place to start, even before dealing with the child. If you got a bright child who can get As, then you need to understand why she is failing other classes. The teaches will be able to tell you directly what the student is not doing.

We have an 11 year old, and we have requested that the school contact us if they have any concerns about her grades, her behavior, other anything else they want to contact us about. Schools, for the most part, love parents who are involved as much as possible.

fallon

I agree with jtee. I think you need to have a sit down meeting with the teachers who's classes she is failing in. They should be able to give you a clearer look into the problem.

Kaytee

I agree with them as well, you need to start in the beggining and go from there. First the teachers she is failing. That might be able to give you a better idea of where you need to go from there. It could be as simple as her friends are in that class so she doesn't pay attention, to something more serious. Start there!!

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jtee

Middle school really is the time when parents need to be involved with their kids school as much as possible simply because it is at that age when kids are most likely to start getting off track and head in bad directions.

Our daughter has always been a good student and loves school. Now that she's in middle school, we are concerned about her making new friends that will influence her to do\try things are unhealthy. She is a bit fearless and if something new looks fun to her, she likely to try it just to find out what it is like.

FooserX

>>>>Middle school really is the time when parents need to be involved with their kids school as much as possible

BIRTH really is the time parents need to be involved with the kids as much as possible. Pre-K through College! :-P

In addition to the other ideas here, I think you definitely need to remove priviliges...ALL priviliges. This is a serious matter, and needs to be treated as such. Why should she keep TV and Playstation? It sounds like she almost failed last year, and nothing happened....and now she started her downward skid, and nothing is really happening still....??

Knowing that she bombed school last year with her dad, it would be a given that as her present guardians, she should have been watched from the beginning.

I would be her tutor. No one else can fill this roll but the parents. Ask for her homework...make sure she does it...make sure she understands it. It's going to be a lot of work, but it's really the only way to make sure she is on top of things. Be a team...after some time, the good study habits will start to take, and she'll learn to be a good student.

jtee

Fooser is entitled to his opinion, but he does not have children of this age, and I strongly think his advice is very bad parenting advice for your situation at this stage.

You as parents need to understand the problem before you deal with it, not react to a situation with assumptions. Fooser advice is, my opinion, more likely to make your situation worse, not better. Be smart parents, do your homework first, find out what is going on, and make informed decisions that best corrects your problem. Taking away privileges may be part of the solution, but there are likely to be other factors that can't solved by taking away privileges.

Fooser, you shoot from hip way too much.

sandiegoCP

Thank you for all that have written... We have just scheduled a meeting with the teacher, I will keep you posted....

Thanks, San Diego Confused Parent

FooserX

>>>>Fooser is entitled to his opinion, but he does not have children of this age, and I strongly think he his advice is very bad advice for your situation at this stage


1) Dude, your advice was "get involved." lol


2) And yes, my son is 4 years old, but I was a student not too long ago myself, and having a tutor helped big time. I went from C to A in a few weeks. Not only do they help reinforce the lessons...but they have the patience to work with you with no peer pressure. A kid doesn't have to feel stupid for asking questions when it's one on one. In a classroom setting, it can be intimidating asking questions and feeling like you're holding up the class.

Also, a kid needs to learn HOW to study and HOW to take notes, and what is and isn't important. There is a lot of crap in textbooks, and only a small part is on the tests, so it's really helpful to be able to show your kid what to study. A smart parent needs to teach their child how to allocate their time properly and prepare for tests in the most efficient manner. How many kids actually write up Flash Cards for tests? Probably none...yet they are a very very fast way to get things into memory. They don't teach how to study in school.

There are all kinds of tricks to learning and note taking that kids will never know. Teachers teach their subject and that is it. There is no class on "How to be a good student." That's why it's up to the parent (tutor) to teach the kid how to learn and how to make the most out of homework time...or how to write good papers.

If you want to call my advice bad, fine....but at least I'm giving real suggestions that I personally know have positive results. What will the meeting with the teacher accomplish? NADA. I'm not saying that is a bad idea...it isn't....but a parent needs to become MORE INVOLVED with the child and be there to make a difference. Talking to a teacher accomplishes nothing. What can a teacher do? Notify the parent of bad grades sooner? lol...wow! The teacher has 25 other kids in the class, he or she can only do so much. Other kids are not failing, so obviously the problem isn't with the teacher.

Kaytee

I agree with Jtee that Fooser is just assuming too much. You have no idea what is causing this child to fail half her classes and her other half she is getting A's. First parent teacher confrence then figure out the best way to deal with it.

While yes I do agree with Fooser that parents need to be involved from pre-birth through their entire lives. I believe Jtee was stressing that it is crucial to be involved when they are older not just younger. Could be wrong though.
I do think it is the parents responsibility to make sure the child is succeeding in school but the parent is not alone. A parent needs to work with the teacher and possibly with OUTSIDE help.
Example: If my daughter takes Spanish or whatever (common in elementary school now) there is no way I could help her!! Geez I can count to 10 in spanish. I woud have to get her a Spanish tutor to help her. Parents cannot raise and educate their children well alone. There needs to be support from the others who help care for the child.

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http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com