Chris

With all of the anti bullying hype out there now you would think bullying would be decreasing. There are anti bullying commercials, they have organizations that come to my child's school to teach kids bullying is wrong. But it doesn't seem to truly change anything. When I pick up my children at school there are always children crying, parents arguing, teacher's explaining about another incident where a child has said something or has physically attacked another child. It seems like nothing has changed since I was in school, but with all the public awareness I can't understand why?

theglyphon

Well, what does public awareness do if the actual causes of the bullying are still there? It's like all those ads about smoking or safe sex. Studies show over and over that there are immediate causes of these behaviours the 'awareness' campaigns have only a small temporary effect upon unless followed up by a direct course of actions.

In terms of bullying the first thing to do is try and enroll in a small school. The larger the group, the more friction--the less students have personal relationships with each other that provide the sort of empathy that can counter bullying. Other than that the staff must have a zero tolerance policy with clear consequences that are immediately and uniformly applied.

Stephanie2377

It would be easier if there was one cause of bullying that they could pinpoint. If they could understand WHY kids bully so badly, they'd be able to help stop it. Bullying has been around forever. But, it has changed in intensity and the level of violence. Plus, emotional and verbal bullying has gotten worse.

We have carefully chosen the school that my son will attend one day. It is a small Catholic school with very strict rules. Will there be bullying there? Of course. Bullying is everywhere. However, *IF* it happens, there is a clear course of action. Private schools can have their own policy on what happens that will results in the expulsion of a child. Public schools have their hands tied a bit more.

Plus, this Catholic school helps to teach using morals and values in decision making. And, they have a clear discipline policy. I am hoping that all of this leads to a safer environment for my son's learning.

tater03

The problem to me is sometimes schools have the policies but don't follow them. For instance my seven year old was getting bullied by another classmate on the bus. This classmate would sit in the seat with him. I had to call the school four times before something was done. The last straw was when my son came home after the third time I had called, and he had marker all over him from this child writing on him. The bus driver had moved my son but this child would move after the bus had started and end up sitting with him. I finally called the school for the fourth time and told them that I had given my son permission to do what he needed to do to stop this child. If that meant hitting back, I'm sorry but there is only so many times I can ask my son to turn the other check. They finally moved the child right behind the bus driver and that has seemed to work. But it took four calls for this to happen and alot of unnessary stress on my son.

theglyphon

Yes. I think that someties administrator's lose track of just how terrifying it can be for children. They get this 'oh *you* again tone of voice'. But if they won't look after my kid's safety I damn well will. They can think anything they like about me so long as they finally *do* something. From a kids point of view the bully is very frightening, totally looming over their enjoyment of anything else--even if the teachers only really care about education theu should know that frightened kids aren't learning, and uncontrolled bullies are learning things that will make them very dangerous adults.

penguinmama

Yet another reason why I prefer to educate my children at home!! At least if my child is bullied at home, it's by MY child and I can discipline for it and stop it.

mamab

That's not the "WHOLE" reason why I took my son out of school to homeschool, but it did weigh in the decision. My son was in KINDERGARTEN, no less, and there was one boy that constantly harrassed him. He hit him, punched him, kicked him, bit him, cut his clothing, cut another little girl's hair, as well as other things. The teacher's response was "we need to separate them." That didn't seem to work. My son was getting into trouble for trying to stand up for himself. And the school did NOTHING at all. So, when we started really getting to the point where he wasn't learning anything because he already knew what kindergarteners were supposed to learn, and was bored and in trouble all the time, we figured we'd take him out then, and be done with it. My son often told me "Mama, that Jason boy is nothing but trouble." When we brought him home, he didn't have to deal with the bully anymore.

SageMother

What is seen as a rise in bullying might not be that.

There are emotionally disturbed students in every school and that trend is not going to get better very soon.

Funding for residential treatment centers and other educational options for these students are disappearing on a daily basis, so they are entering schools, both public and private, through special education programs. In the push for total inclusion, many of these students with violent tendencies are at liberty among the regular students.

Administrators, ever afraid of being sued, bend over backward to allow these students as much freedom as possible. With "no child left behind" enacted, required, but not funded, fewer teachers and even fewer para-professionals are willing to get paid low wages for risking their lives dealing with these students. The parents of students who are not special needs will have to step up and demand that these students be separated from the regular population if changes are to ever take place, whether your child attends a private school or a public school.

It is not simple bullying. Very often, it is mental illness.

Sam

I honestly blame the parents of these bullies, I mean they hae to pick up the behavior somewhere, so I would have a talk with the parents and see whats going on.

jmeyer3131

School size doesn't really make a difference. My daughter used to go to a small private school and was bullied quite a bit. Now she's in a larger public school, and the bullying continues.

My daughter doesn't like the way the "popular girls" think and dress. They dress highly sexual, not her style at all. There was a short while where she was actually rather popular, and she finally told me (a couple of years later) why it ended. She said that she learned that to be popular you need to hang with the popular kids and criticize all who are not with that crowd. She did it for awhile and just couldn't continue; it wasn't who she is. This is largely why she gets bullied.

Teachers see her as very special. I had one tell me that she will grow up to do great things. The friends she has seem to really care about her (and are pretty good kids, too.)

One thing that is different about a larger school is that with more kids, it's easier for her to find others who are like her just because there are so many kids.

I've also noticed that teachers make a big difference. A lot of bullying goes on outside of classes, but some happens consitently in the same classes. The stricter teachers tend not to have it in their class.

My daughter has gotten stronger by learning to react to the bullying, but it takes time. Like another mother commented, it started in Kindergarten when a kid tried to choke her...her neck was actually bruised when I picked her up from school. In that case, though, both the teacher and the parent handled it well and that kid never bothered her again.

In another case in sixth grade, a kid tried to kick her in the face. (He was standing on a table when the teacher left the room for a moment.) It turned out he had a crush on her...what a way to show it. He decided that appropriate punishment would be to be her protector the rest of the year, the school and I agreed, and it worked well. They were friends by the end of the year.

But yes, there were a lot of tears for a lot of years. As she gets older, she handles it better.

Good luck to all of you.