Carlos

My older boy is 3 yrs and 4 months old and is having trouble adjusting to the arrival of his baby brother who is now 4 months. At first, as expected, he was kind of reluctant to anything that involved the new baby, but after a couple of weeks he started kissing him, bringing the pacifier, bringing diapers, etc and that behavior has continued to this day, the problem is that sometimes he does things to harrass his little brother, such as, yelling or making noises when he is sleeping after being warned to be quiet and the one we are really worried about, he bit him really hard in one of his little fingers leaving a big mark. And everyday is something like this.

My wife and I are against physical punishment and try to make him understand by using timeouts, but it doesnt seem to work.

We are sure that he understands the bad things he does, and yet he continues to do them.
I dont think is an attempt to get attention because he gets a lot of it, we play with him, we tell him how much we love him, hug him, kiss him frequently so it is hard to think that the problem is lack of attention.

We are certainly getting professional help to deal with the issue but I would like to hear some parents opinions first.

Thanks

Kaytee

Poor babies!! I can't give much advise since I only have one child, but would love to hear what other parents have to say.
My guess is even though you give him tons of attention, it probably is still that. Try to get him more invoolved when the baby is awake. Bringing diapers, like you said. Getting the baby a blanket. Good luck and congrats on the baby

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

Nathalie

Hi Carlos,
I know what you're going through. My son was 15 months old when his baby sis was born. Eventhough your son is getting a lot of attention, he remembers that there was a time when he didn't have to share the attention getting. What worked for my son is that my husband has special days we call playdates with daddy. The one-on-one really helps.

Kaytee

thats a good one.

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

TAR

That is an excellent Idea I didn't think of that. I know when my younger daughter was born her older sister wanted to help with everything it made her feel like mommy and daddy needed her. She wanted to even help with things that were difficult for her we made it work for her though. Oh and she also liked to hear "What a great big sister you are" and "Oh the baby is so luck to have you for a sister" stuff like that helped too... Now they play together a lot and of course one pushes the other or takes a toy they both want there are good days when they share everything and never push but there are bad days when they both want the same toys all day long and fight over them.... If your case is extreem good that your getting help... But it's not all going to go away... Welcome to two or more children parenting. Good Luck!

__________________
In memory of Cherish 12/19/1998

fallon

we have a 4 yr old and a 4month old, once a week or so we try to get a grandma to watch the baby and we take the 4yr old out for a while for some one on one time. it seems to help make her feel like we still have time for her, also she goes on overnight visits with grandma once a week. I think the attention she gets from those things help her cope when she has to share her time with her brother

smik24

My first thought is this..... you should try and figure out what it is that motivates your child. Time out isn't working, he might be thinking that by getting in trouble he'll be getting your attention when you send him to time out. I'm going to give you a couple of different ideas.

1. Encourage your child to communicate his feelings by using his words. If he isn't sure what words to say, give him the words to say and have him repeat you.

2. When your child acts out have him draw a picture of what he did, this should help him to reflect on his actions and admit to what he did wrong. Then have your child voice an apology (ie. I am sorry for...... do you accept my apology? Next time I will.....) Again, it is okay to give him the words to say.

3. Last idea.. What motivates your child? Is it gifts, quality time, hugs, etc? Whatever it is that motivates your child the most will have an impact on them if it is taken away when they choose to act out. It will also motivate them to act appropriately if it is given as a reward. You could set up a positive reinforcement chart. Explain to your child that each time he goes 1 whole day or 1/2 day with good choices he will get to put a sticker on his chart. When he has earned 3 stickers he can have that reward. The key is figuring out a reward that motivates your child.

I hope this helps!

fallon

"You could set up a positive reinforcement chart. Explain to your child that each time he goes 1 whole day or 1/2 day with good choices he will get to put a sticker on his chart. When he has earned 3 stickers he can have that reward. The key is figuring out a reward that motivates your child."

I love charts. we use them for everything from potty training to whinning. they work wonders, as soon as my daughterd sees a chart go up she gets excited abut the iead of working toward something. She even asks if she can have a chrt when we are having a hard time with some issues

Carlos

Thanks guys..there are some very good tips here, I will let you know how it went.