CrazyBird

Hi everyone.

I found this forum when searching on advice for my son's latest dilema. So since I'm a newb I'll start with a little background info.

I am a married mother of one boy, Tyler, age 7, first grade. He attended two years of preschool before going to kindergarten, and adjusted very well to going "all day" as opposed to the halfdays he was used to for 3 years.

I am not, nor have I ever been, one of those "my child can do no wrong" types of parents. He is a very free spirited boy. Loves to run and play, things roll off his back. He loves animals (he gets that from me) and he does occasionally get in trouble in class. It is usually things like "talking when the teacher was talking". When he deserves to be in trouble, he is in trouble at home too.

Our first parent/teacher conference we had with his teacher, I'll call her Mrs. X because what I want to call her is likely inappropriate here. Mrs. X had some quesionable markings on Tyler's report card. So at this conference, we questioned her about them. She was very nervous, talked in several circles. It was very obvious she didn't like being questioned about her "decisions".

From that day on, my boy can't so much as breathe heavily without her sending notes home saying he is acting up.

I have had several discussions with the principal concerning this. But he is very diplomatic. I say I feel like he's trying to sell me a vaccuum cleaner every time I talk to him. Very smooth, and politician-like in his mannerisms. I walk away from our discussions feeling good, only to realize in due time that nothing has changed.

There is a boy in Tyler's class. He is "special needs". I'll call him dylan. He has a very VERY strong temper, and has pysically attacked Tyler out on the playground, knocking him down to the ground, leaving scratches, and hickey like bruises on his neck. Among other PHYSICAL things he has done to Tyler. Mrs. X refuses to punish this child because of his "special needs". So his hitting continues. One boy stood up for Tyler when dylan hit him. THAT child got in trouble. But not Dylan. All of these attacks are unprovoked.

As you can imagine, my frustration level with this physically harmfull child, inadequate teacher and smooth talking principal is going through the roof. This teacher has made so many questionable decisions this year it's not even funny. But I've bit my tongue, because I've seen what happens when a parent questions her. She takes it out on the child. It is less than two weeks til the end of the year. I decided to hold myself to the wall and not say anything. Just GET THROUGH THIS YEAR.

That's my background. (longwinded, I know)

Here's the current problem.

It was the end of the schoolday. The class was sitting on "the carpet" (a place where she does reading and such) waiting for time to leave. Mrs. X said "If you (to everyone, not just to Tyler) don't stop talking you're going to have to do 100 pushups."

My boy, of course, TALKED. *sigh*

She made him do 100 pushups. Right there in the classroom.

In YOUR opinions, is this an appropriate punishment, for a first grade teacher, to give a first grade student, for talking? 100 pushups? I don't know too many people who could do that! Adults and children alike! One child, whom was a bus rider, was forced to stay behind until he finished his pushups, when the other bus-riders were on their way to the busses to go home.

I feel that "physical activity" in moderation is *MAYBE* appropriate for a gym teacher. "Oh, you didn't do what you were supposed to, give me a lap around the gym." But we're talking 7 year olds, forced to do 100 pushups in their classroom, for talking.

My husband was livid. Obviously, we don't care for this teacher anyways. But this was the final straw. He is talking with the principal on it now, and we will likely end up with a meeting.

How would you feel if it were you?

Kaytee

wow, thanks for the background it does help!
I only have a toddler right now so haven't had to deal with the shcool things yet but I can tell you how I htink i would feel. First it is innapropriate for her to treat any child differently including special needs kids. If he is severely special needs maybe he needs ot be in a special classroom not mainstream. I would not tolerate any child hitting my kid whatever teh reason.
@nd 100 pushups seems harsh to me. Maybe 10 pushups, that wouldn't hurt the kid but might get the point across. I would talk to the school and say this is just wrong. Thank goodness you only have 2 weeks left. Good luck and hopefully someone else can help you more then me.

BTW welcome to the board, hope you stick around!

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

Melissa

That teacher sounds like a piece of work. The 100 push ups is over the top. Since this is such a major "punishment" I would look into filing a formal complaint. If you want to keep the principal "on your side," you could talk to him and say you want to keep your relationship as friendly and clear as possible, but that in this situation, you and your husband feel a formal complaint is in order. You might even have to contact the school board. Sounds like that teacher has a lot to learn. Is she new?

And about the special needs student: I know that some special needs kids have a "shadow" attendent type person just for this reason. If my child were being victimized in this way I would document every incident and then if necessary, again ask for some adjustment to protect the other kids. I know it's a sticky situation, but it doesn't do anyone any good to let a special needs kid act out like that when the other kids get punished for the same thing.

My neighbor's daughter (5th grade) has been "targeted" by a mean spirited teacher this year. The mom and dad tried to deal with it in a really pro-active way, but that didn't work. Finally the mom just ignores the notes sent home and the comments on evaluations and tells her daughter, I expect you to behave and I believe you do and the teacher is being unfair. Just do the best you can.

Recently another mom friend described EXACTLY your experience with the principal. Lots of nice words, but no follow up and no intention of a follow up. How frustrating!
I wish you the best of luck!

CrazyBird

Thank you for the welcome!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought it was excessive. Sometimes I start to question myself, wondering if I really have a problem with the action, and not the person. I think it's a combination of the two, but even if a teacher I absolutely loved did this, I would have serious issue with it.

CrazyBird

I'm sorry your neighbor's daughter is dealing with similar things.

We've done very similar things with Tyler, concerning the notes from the teacher. Half the time I just roll my eyes, and Tyler knows that's a loud and clear statement that the teacher is off her rocker.

I started compiling a list of all the things throughout the year that I thought were unfair, and targeting Tyler. Each thing I add makes me madder and madder.

Tyler got home from school today and I asked him about his day.

Over the weekend, when visiting my parents, their dog wrapped her leash (cotton rope style) around his leg and took off running. Luckily we got her stopped relatively quick, but it was enough to burn his leg. A good 2.5 inch burn across his leg. He told Mrs. X about it on Tuesday, (mostly cuz he likes to brag and he handled it like a big boy) and asked her to tell the kids not to touch it.

So today, he fell on the playground and scraped his knee a little. No big deal. But he also ripped part of the scab off of his burn, and it was bleeding.

He asked Mrs. X if he could get some ice for it, because it was burning. SHE WOULDNT ALLOW HIM TO GET SOME ICE!!!!!

As if that wasn't bad enough, later in the day, he asked if he could use the bathroom. Her response wasn't "no, this isn't a good time" or "can you hold it for a little while longer" her response to my son was "Won't your leg hurt too much????"

Any chance of this all being "in my head" is gone now. She was blatantly RUDE to him, denied him ice to relieve pain from his burn. (We know how pricey ice can be and the schools must dish it out carefully)

I just.....I just......I wanna scream.

And yes. This is her first year of teaching. Which is why we have not made a big deal of "the little things". But it seems that was our first mistake, because as long as we kept our mouths shut, she was allowed to continue this.

I assure you, there will be some formal complaining going on.

g7enn

I'm a counselor that has worked with many teachers and parents. The situation you describe is both unusual and unfortunate-100 pushups is way out of line. Rather than wait, when there is a problem, I encourage parents to not put it off, hoping things will get better because they often don't.

You have shown a lot of patience in putting up with this problem and took the right steps in meeting with the teacher and principal. When caught at an impasse, you can always demand your child be transferred to a different teacher.

Next time around, keep in close communication with the teacher and if anything untoward happens meet with her immediately. Good luck to you and your son next year.

For more info google: parenting healthy children why education is important

newdad06

I am pretty sure I posted to this earlier, but I don't see it anywhere. Here is a link that pertains to California and how excessive push-ups are considered corporal punishment. (I can't post a link yet so I can only direct you to it google search push-ups as discipline in school and look for "Exercise As Punishment" from pestoware...

I offer this not as a way for you to pursue actions with this teacher. You said she is brand new. I would though remind her that there are better ways to manage a classroom. I too am a teacher and know that it can be really frustrating in a class when behaviors get out of control and we often feel limited by what we can and can't do. Sometimes we take it personally. I'm not making excuses for her. The way she is handling this is wrong. But, there is a reason teachers are placed on probation their first couple of years. There is a lot to learn about classroom management.

I would suggest you remind your principle about how new she is and suggest she works closely with a lead teacher the next year. Unfortnately, I think it is probably too late to salvage much for your sons experience of school this year, but you can help make it better for future students.

Also, as for Dylan. I believe that mainstreaming children, (Placing special needs students in the least restrictive and most normative environment) is important. But, if it is at the risk of other students, then preventative measures need to be taken. Does Dylan even recognize he is abusive? Does he know its wrong? If he tends to act violently and doesn't know he is causing harm or understand that it is wrong, then there is no telling how far his abuse will go. Your child's principle can't ignore this, no matter how much they are afraid that restricting a special needs access to a normal environment. If Dylan can't socialize without abusing other students then he needs additional assistance, whether it be someone trained in using non-harmful holds and takedowns or removing him from the playground.

Your child should not have to deal with this. I am sorry.

__________________
http:growingupwiththekids.blogspot.com
Step Family Talk

mamab

Wow, that teacher really sent overboard, in my opinion. Unfortunately, it's not just your school system or school. It happens more often than not, all across the country.

My son was picked on mercilessly by a little boy in his kindergarten class. The teacher refused to do anything. He was bitten, scratched, kicked, punched, had his clothing cut, his hair pulled, slapped. You name it, it happened. Her response was to keep them separated. I talked to the principal and she gave me the same song and dance routine. I finally took my son out of public school and have homeschooled him ever since. He'll be going into 5th grade next year. By the way, the little boy isn't the ONLY reason we took him out, there were other reasons. This one just applied to the discussion.

happy2bg33k

As a teacher and parent educator I'm horrified by this story. It seems as though the teacher is very threatened by anyone questioning her authority and her administrator isn't willing to take a position. 100 push-ups is excessive punishment and a cruel form of humiliation.

I understand that you want to make it through the end of the year. If you can wait until the end of the year I would hold on (to avoid reprisal for your son) and then take your complaints to the superintendent of the school system or invite the super, the principal and the teacher to meet with you all together to voice your concerns about how this had been handled. It's important that if you are able to, you speak up so another child doesn't end up in the same type of situation .

StarWolf67

I would have to agree with everything you said here. I am fairly used to taking on school districts where there are problems such as this one, this sounds like a time when bringing them all together would be a good idea. Don't forget to have someone with YOU to support your side.

__________________
~Star
Mother to 5 fantastic people:
Stef (21)
MiLisa (20)
Matt (16)
Mel (14)
Chris (8)
"Mommy, You're my Hero" From my 20 year old daughter, who calls me "The Keeper of the Cheerios."