jamesford

My two-year-old is very vocal when we're out in public, and we've had a couple incidents lately when encountering persons with a handicap where my son will loudly express his amazement in their unique differences (I'm specifically recalling an encounter with a short-statured person).

What is the correct way to deal with this so that it balances politeness to the person yet provides an explanation? I think there's a need to both teach my son about not being rude, but also a need to validate his curiosity.

I'd like to hear from parents and from persons with handicaps - what have other parents done and for those with a disability, what would you like a parent to say if a child was to point out your physical characteristics?

Kaytee

I htink the best way to handle it is to explain it. Tell your child, yes that person is very small but it is not nice to make fun of them. If you have questions I will answer them for you.
Being your child is so young, I would definately not try to hush him, but to just say yes God makes us all different but loves us all the same. (Taking for granted you believe in God) Just don't act shocked when he points them out. You are right it is just his curiosity. Children except others much easier tehn adults do

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TAR

My daughter was also very vocal at 2yrs. the first encounter we had she actully just turned 2. We were in a store and a man with a patch over his eye walked by she pointed and said "look mommy a pirate!" I was so beyond words I appoligized to the man. I just told her that everyone is different and he probably had something wrong with his eye, I told her its ok to ask questions about things just whisper it to mommy or ask when we are a way I will answer them, because sometimes you can hurt someones feelings if you say things like that out loud. I also like to teach her to except people who are different, like she saw a boy with a hearing device on his ear attached to his head (she was 3 at this time) she whispered in my ear and asked why, I told her he had trouble hearing and he needs it so he can hear and then I said isn't it nice they make things so people with hearing problems can hear..... Now when ever she sees someone in a wheelchair or something she'll say look mom isn't it nice they made something for that lady to get around....

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Kaytee

great way to handle it

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If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
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jtee

We've never discourage our daughter form directly talking to people that were "different" in some form. When young if our daughter saw a man, for example, who was missing a leg, she might ask us and we'd tell her go ask the man. She quickly learned to stop asking us, and start asking the person directly.

Kids are curious in a very honest and sincere way, and for the most part, people who are different don't mind talking to children about it. There will always be a few overly sensitive types who get upset if a child approaches them. If they are overly sensitive about being different, it is a separate problem they need to overcome, such as accepting themselves and whatever limitations they might have.

The main reason why I feel parents should allow their children to approach people who are disabled\different is so children grow up feeling comfortable being around them. This good for both the child and people who are disable\different. Our daughter still will walk up to a person who is missing and arm\legs and ask "What happened to your....". At 11, she's gotten a little more diplomatic about it than when she was 3. I'd say the response is over 95% positive; who doesn't like some cute girl wanting to talking to them and asking sincere questions. I can tell you the guys rarely, if ever, have a problem having girls talking to them. My guess it probably doesn't happen as often as they would like.

evilbrent

I was camping with my son shortly after he'd turned three - we were at the toilet block and walked around a corner and we met someone coming the other way. My son, quite truthfully, said "Oh. That's a very fat man!" My wife is also very fat, so rest assured that in our family we don't say mean things about overweight people.

My first reaction was to chuckle and explain to him yada yada yada, but I was struck by the guy's response. He just went red in the face and walked away as quick as he could. It must have been humiliating for the poor guy.

It's a tough one. On the one hand, it's good to be honest and on the other hand it's good to be discreet.

I think it depends, in part, on the disability. If it's obesity, then I'm sorry to say that the disability is, at least partly, a bit shameful. We need to talk about how that person might feel about how big they are and why they might not want us talking about it.

jtee

Large people who are that way as a result of heredity should not be ashamed of who they are. Some people retain weight no matter how little or good they eat. Often they don't eat any worse than people of lesser weight, so unless they starve themselves, there is not a lot they can do without medical help. Yet the reality is sadly that society does treat them as a lower class, and that is wrong.

We never have discouraged our daughter from approaching and talking to larger people, nor stopped her asking them questions about their size. We always discouraged her from being judgmental about it; young kids are not naturally judgmental, they learn\taught to be judgmental.

It is true that some large people are very sensitive about their size, but just as handicapped people need to learn to accept themselves for who they are, so do people of all sizes. I think curious children help adults learn to accept themselves, because children naturally accept all people unless they are taught otherwise. Our daughter has made a few people uncomfortable with her questions, but often they seem to relax once they get a sence they are not being judged.

evilbrent

Some people.

I would believe that the proportion of obese people in this category would be less than 1%: "I've never had a large meal, or more rich food than anyone else, and I'm in three basketball teams, and I watch no TV, regularly go for 50km bike rides... but I don't seem to be able to lose weight"

The rest of us are just fat.

jtee

Your statement shows a lack of understanding of how heredity works, and your example is a over stated; it is unrealistic\unfair\unkind for average people who struggle with weight problems. Your pulling %1 out of the air; it is your opinion, not a statement of knowledge\experience.

I personally know people who are large as a result of heredity, and what they accomplish is not being thin\normal, but to keep their weight down so instead of being 100lbs over weight, they are 20-30lbs over weight. For them this makes significant difference in their health and ability to do things that make them happy and successful.

Personally, I run 365 days a year, about 45 minutes per day. Yesterday I ran half marathon under 2 hours. and I am still about 10lbs heavier that what would be consider ideal.

I can live with it.

fallon

well stated jtee