Dadu2004

I have a 4 year old daughter that is displaying a very strange behavior. She will take her hands or sometimes press herself against a table or other solid object, in a sort of masterbation behavior. She will press down just above her groin very hard and stiffen her entire body. It is so intense that she causes herself to sweat and sometimes even drool. This has been happening for a few months.

Her mother and I are divorced. I have been able to get the behavior under control in my household, and she knows it's unacceptable behavior. She will not do this in my house. She will constantly do it at her mom's house. Her mom has tried everything: being soft and kind, asking why she does it, distracting her, yelling, spanking, and I have gone over there and talked to our daughter to let her know that it's unacceptable at her mother's house as well. Nothing has worked.

We've had our daughter into the doctor for an external exam, and there's no sign of molestation. We've had her into a urologist for testing, and all comes back fine. The urologist says that it's normal behavior and not to worry about it, that she'll grow out of it...her general doctor isn't so sure.

As far a general behavior, she is much better behaved at my house than at her mother's. At her mom's she will be disrespectful and irritating. At my house, I see much less of bad behavior. There is an older brother at her mom's house as well, who is now 8.

We're at our wits end here on what to do about this strange behavior at her mother's home and need some advice.

Kaytee

first off your dd sounds normal. Masturbation in young children is normal.
My first suggestion is to stop punishing this child for it, especially hitting her. How would you feel if you were spanked everytime you masturbated? ok that sounds really bad lol

ANyways, it is normal behavior and there have been quite a few posts on here about it already.

I would strongly suggest telling this child that what she is doing is normal but should only be done in her ow bed or in the bathroom. Never in public, never around other family members and never in the living room ect... in her room is where she needs to go!

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Trina

To echo Kaytee, this is normal behavior. She should not be punished, but told this behavior needs to be done privately.

Masturbation: Why it happens and what to do about it - ParentCenter

Dadu2004

I'm not so sure that it's even "masterbation" per say. She's not physically touching her genitals, but above them. Also, when she has the opportunity to do it (i.e.: in the bath), she doesn't. She doesn't touch herself when she's naked, but when she's clothed.

There doesn't seem to be a pattern to it either. It doesn't happen when she's tired, angry, hungry, whatever...it just randomly happens. If she was doing it as masterbation, wouldn't she be doing it physically on the genitals, instead of above?

Thank you for all of your replies!

Kaytee

well I can tell you its masturbation. I used to do the same thing as a child. (not sure I ever did it in public but probably). The clothes actually help the feeling happen, as little girls are not developed like a woman.
Its kinda like the feeling you get when you climbed a rope in gym class. Come on we have all had the feeling!!

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HappyMomma

I completely agree with Kaytee.

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meow_173

If you make this a tabboo situation then she will grow up thinking that it is. you need to tell her that this is something you do privately....

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fallon

I agree with the others...it's best to just explain to her that while what she is feeling is totally normal it's a feeling that should only be experienced in private

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Cthru

A friend on another board has something similar going on with her 3yr old daughter. Her ped told her it was normal, but I have to be honest.. if it were my kid doing it I'd be worried about it to. It may be 'normal' but honestly I don't hear of a large number of kids that do this around parenting boards.

Trina

Masturbation: Is this normal for preschoolers?

Six-Year-Old Masturbates in Public - FamilyEducation.com