Firefly4698

So, not saying that I necessarily agree, but I am taking an assessment class at Cleveland State University and my professor gave us an article regarding the types of praise that we give our children.
This article stated that we actually put our children at a disadvantage by saying things like "you are smart" or "you are pretty". Instead we should praise thier efforts. "I praise you for your efforts on...", "I can see that you really worked hard on...," "I can tell you put alot of thought into...".
The article says that when you tell your children that they are smart that they get the mindset that they are smart, because that is what they have always been told. Therefore they do not put in effort when it is required because they are already smart. When they do not succeed at something automatically, they become discouraged because they do not understand why, since they are supposed to be smart based on what we (thier parents) have always told them.
Sorry this is so long, just wanted to see what everyone else had to say about this. Steve and I have discussed it some, I am quite sure he will chime in at some point and share his feelings on this.

Dadu2004

I think it's a bunch of BS.

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PhilBilly

Don't hold back tell us how you really feel. HAHA

I can see his point I guess we do a little of both. For example I'll say "Ben you did a great job on the soccer field today". But sometimes I'll say "Ben you are a good soccer player". There's no method to it I just can see how you can do your child harm by praising them. Giving out the positive re-enforcement when they deserve it will only help to build their self-esteem and thus encourage them to live up to it.

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Jessie

That actually makes quite a bit of sense to me. I've always told my daughter she's smart but never really said much about the effort she puts into things, which might be partly why she absolutely hates anything that just doesn't come to her naturally.

I think I'm going to go ahead and give this a try. I'm not going to stop telling dd she's smart, but maybe also tell her the other in addition.

Xero

I think it makes sense that a little bit of both would do just fine. There's nothing wrong with telling my kid he's smart and cute, because he is. And I want him to know how special he is and how good looking and intelligent I think he is. But praising the effort sounds great too. I'm sure they love to hear it all. Why not?

If we didn't tell our daughters they were pretty, someone would ask them "Are you pretty?" And they only way they could respond would be "I don't know, but I do a really good job trying to be pretty."

But if you say both, then they know they try really good, and because they try, they are. Right?

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