AnKsMommy

I recently gave birth to my second child five weeks ago. I have another child who is two and half. My husband and them are the loves of my life! Lately though I've been feeling a little off.

Last year I went to a psychologist because I'm in the military and had spent a good year being separated due to military orders from my husband. For a while I didn't know if I wanted to be married or if I wanted to be a mother. He said that it was because of the stress of being away from my husband and daughter and knowing that so many life changes were going on. My husband and I went though a rough patch with me trying to get over my worries of divorce and what not. It's not that I wanted one, it's just that I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Now I'm having it again...but not with divorce with my children. I'm so scared of hurting them someday. We were watching a movie, about some psycho child who got a thrill out of hurting people and I just got scared that it could be me! Then I thought about shaking my baby, molesting my daughter, just horrible things in general. NOT wanting to do them, but just "what if...I did this..." I felt so sick to my stomach that I puke later on that day and called my husband and cried about this. He asked me if I wanted to do these things to our children or if they were random thoughts that popped in to my head. I said I NEVER wanted to hurt our children and that the thought makes me want to just kill myself.

I don't know what to do...what kind of horrible mother thinks these things? I have my six week follow up for having the baby next week and plan to ask my doctor about this. I can take the obsessive thoughts about divorce, but hurting my children scares me!

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? Has anyone else ever felt this horrible???

FooserX

I'm not a professional, but I have dark thoughts all the time. I don't think that makes me a psycho though. I just keep them to myself, or share them with others who have the same twisted ideas. People who don't though...they won't get it.

If you're obsessing about these thoughts though...then that might be a problem.

Lissa

You need to talk to a doctor ASAP. You probably have post partum depression.

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AnKsMommy

I don't like to keep them to myself. I like to share everything with my husband so he can tell me what he thinks.

I never thought of having dark thoughts as something everyone gets, but a friend told me that before she went back to work she would think things close to what I did.

I do plan on talking to my doctor about post partum depression whenever I go in. These kind of things are just thoughts I can't ignore. I love my family to much to ever try and harm them. Plus, after looking it up. I do have a few other things going on like the hard time sleeping, sometimes feeling withdrawn. That sort of stuff.

Lissa

I sent you a pm.

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AnKsMommy

I tried to reply back, but it says I can't because I haven't done 10 post yet, only 6.

Lissa

Oh no. Maybe one of the moderators can fix this???

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Kaytee

I'm with them, hun you have some issues that need to be straightened out quickly. It sounds like PPD to me as well. i have never had it si I know others will help more then I can, but it is a serious thing that needs to be considered. If you are worried about being on drugs, not every PPD person needs to be, sometiems just dietary changes help as long as it is under a doctor that can help you.

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If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

Kaytee

can't help, but just a few more times and you will be able to pmp back

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If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

Lissa

Let me just say that the PPD I experienced was NO JOKE. Don't put off getting help. Go in today if you can. The sooner you get help the better. It will get MUCH worse if you let these feelings continue. Trust me.

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