fallon

So I'm ready to kill mine. Can anyone offer me some advice to keep this from happening?

She has been acting like she's always there to help, tells me all time "call me whenever you need anything, I have nothing going on ever, I can always help" than when I call she's always to busy. I just don't get it also she's very nosey and I'm running out of nice ways to tell her to butt out. Any ideas on how to keep this relationship friendly?

TAR

Sorry, I don't have much advice.... At least you only have one mother in law that you seem to have problems with... I have 2 (though we're not married yet - still consider them). I have "S" the mother in law and I have "K" the step mother in law... I don't know who is worse!!! "K" Don't seem to like me never has, when we had our daughter she sat my boyfriend down and told him something like " you don't have to stay with her just because you have a baby " and she is snobby... After our 22 month old was born she was talk bad about me because I had to have an emergency c-section she was saying stuff like " when some one was already in labor for over 13 hours they should just have the baby, people who have c-sections just handle it " Plus she calls her grand daughter from her daughter every name under the sun you know what I mean (not something you call children). I told my boyfriend she ever call my children anything like that you better get me out the house and the kids cause I don't even know what I'll do ... I tell you she is something else there are much more stories about her but there is also my boyfriends Mom "S" she likes me at least... Well, my boyfriend and I are going to get married soon (he has to ask me first, just cause I have kids don't mean nothing should be different) well we mentioned it to his mom and then his little brother heard I wanted our wedding colors to be red, black and white (because it goes with our theme - that his brother didn't hear) well she went crazy she calls me every 5 to 10 mins and says well if you put "Karol" as a bridesmaid she has to stand with her brother "Joe" they always do everything together... first off those people aren't even going to be in the wedding well before that there is no wedding anyway... Then she was saying if you bridesmaids are going to wear red then they have to carry a BIG YELLOW FLOWER with them ( I do not want a mustard and ketchup wedding ) Now she is begging for us to tell her the theme but that ain't going to happen... She is already telling us what we should serve and what dresses the bridesmaids should wear.... She found out the color and went crazy... If I tell her the theme she might just go get everything and it will be nothing I want (don't get me wrong her help would be nice but not all her choice)... Plus when she calls and were home she always calls at like 1:30 to 2:00 and asks about the kids I tell her our baby is napping and she says " she is always sleeping, don't she do anything else " its like well she takes a nap at the same time every day so she would be sleeping at this time would she... And when were not home she hears the kids screaming and playing (like if were at the park or at friends house with kids) and she'll say " The kids are never that happy, they should move there "....... So as you can see I have my own mother in law problems. Just wanted to let you know your not alone in your search to keep the peace... That is why I can't give you any advice, I could use some too.

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In memory of Cherish 12/19/1998

fallon

wow sounds like you got it worse than me. Sorry, I think I would go nuts. Although it may get ugly yet. we also aren't "married" yet but will be when the time is right. I gave her her first grandchild though so she thinks that is free rain to drive me crazy....LOL

Kaytee

I get along with mine, but they live 6 hours from me so we only see every few months for a few days. I would just sugest doing your best to keep the peace. I know easier said then done

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TAR

My mother in law "S" lives about 2 1/2 hours away (but there is a phone - lucky it's my cell and it had caller ID - I started not answering the house phone) When she calls I just foward it to voice mail (Wink I say it don't get much service in our house)...LOL. Now step mother in law "K" only lives about a 5 min drive away lucky she don't like me much HUH!!!! She never calls, never offers help and I'm ok with that as long as she never treats my children the way she treats her grand daughter who is turning 11 soon......

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In memory of Cherish 12/19/1998

Chola82

LOL Get this. My mother in law lives half way around the block from me, and works next door on the other side. I'm SOOOOO sick of her just stopping by because it's on the way of her walking to work! I don't mind her coming by, but I would appriciate a heads up frist

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Crystal
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SageMother

It sounds like it is time to treat her as you would treat any other person who behaved this way with you. How would you handle a total stranger who did this? Since you are probably a well spoken and polite person, I bet you have the words and the label "mother-in -law" is your stumbling block.

When in doubt, ignore labels, and stand firm on your decisions. don't allow her to try to negotiate or shame you back i nto the position you are currently in with her. Your peace of mind is more important than her feelings.

fallon

It's getting close to that point but I really need to try to hold out as long as possible for my guys sake . MIL has 3 boys who have always done everything she wanted them to. The women has only pumped gas 5 times in her life...lol. She is having a hard time accepting another women into her family and getting used to the idea that one of her boys now has a family of his own who takes a lot of attention away from her and keeps him from doing as much for her . She hates it and she's taking it out on me, but I understand how this could be hard for her so I'm trying to stay sain and keep the peace. I really don't want to hurt her feelings but even her son says I may have to get her to stop behaving this way.

SageMother

Why show understanding for unacceptable adult behavior? You would not be making your husband choose between you and his mother, you are setting personal limits. The longer it goes on, the longer it will go on. Either you are training her to treat you poorly by not setting limits, or you are training yourself to accept her behavior.

fallon

I think you might be right. I hope to be able to tell how it's going to be at a time when it won't hurt her feelings to bad, although I'm not sure that will be possible