Parents Forum

musicmom · 01-28-2008, 08:23 AM

My family is functionally dysfuntional and I loath going to family dinners and Thanksgiving and such. My family thinks I over react because I don't allow certain things.

Last night my brother got mad at my mother and started yelling at her.....It was F*** this and f*** that (my mom is 4'2") and my brother is huge. So I called my kids to me really fast and grabbed their stuff to head out the door to go home. I didn't want my children to hear that. It was nuts.

Then my mom gets mad at me because I ask her to not say the N word or use derogatory statements when referring to people. It's always "the black girl" or "that fat woman" or "that crack head". She will also not use the word please.

Do you think that being Aunts and Uncles and grandmothers should respect their grandchildren? Shouldn't they hold a higher value place for themselves when the grandchildren are around?

If I am in their home, I leave. If they are in mine I ask my mother to not talk like that or she's going to have to leave and most of the time she leaves.

She's constantly telling my daughter who adores her "if you don't stop crying when I leave I am never going to come visit you again" She says it ALL the time. I think my mom should hold her and say "I understand your sad sweetheart and I will call you in the car and that'll make you feel better" or something like that.

Am I wrong?

fallon · 01-28-2008, 08:36 AM

no I don't think you're wrong. I don't allow fighting in fromt of my kids or nasty comments. I AWALYS take my kids and go if things start up or in my home I make it clear if it continues whoever it is will be asked to leave. Your family should respect that you children are there

musicmom · 01-28-2008, 08:41 AM

Seriously, thanks for the reply. They don't have little kids so they do not respect mine. If I refuse to go then I get called "the B"

fallon · 01-28-2008, 08:41 AM

same here so I understand.

musicmom · 01-28-2008, 08:52 AM

I wonder why they do that?

Kaytee · 01-28-2008, 08:55 AM

I also would not allow it. I have to make my DH watch it sometimes for mild things. Nothing like the n-word but little things, like this (insert ethnicity) guy at work..... Not a racial slur but things like mexican, or black or whatever. I'm like does it reallt matter where he is from? Just say this dude at work for crying out loud! lol

fallon · 01-28-2008, 08:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicmom

I wonder why they do that?

I figure it's because they don't know any better. Most of the time it's older people or people who don't have kids. Older folks seem to think that they should be able to say what they want. They tend to believe the kids should just know not to listen. The people without kids just don't know any better or they simply don't care

Kaytee · 01-28-2008, 08:58 AM

Very true Fallon.
My favorite thing to say when I hear others making comments I deem not needed to be heard by the girl. I always say "little bunnies have big ears"

musicmom · 01-28-2008, 09:05 AM

I tell them "they are listening to every word" and boy do they ever! I have to be careful when I am on the phone because they listen and then they make what I say into something else.
When I tell my family to be watch what they say, they reply with "they are going to hear worse" or "it's my f*ing house" or "you need to let them go" or comments like that.
I am not like my family. I really try to be a better person. I go to church to stay positive. Granted I am NOT perfect but they use all that against me. I really believe the future depends on how we raise our kids and I was under the impression it takes a community (especially family) to help. It's so sad when you have to space yourself from your own family.

fallon · 01-28-2008, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by musicmom

I tell them "they are listening to every word" and boy do they ever! I have to be careful when I am on the phone because they listen and then they make what I say into something else.
When I tell my family to be watch what they say, they reply with "they are going to hear worse" or "it's my f*ing house" or "you need to let them go" or comments like that.
I am not like my family. I really try to be a better person. I go to church to stay positive. Granted I am NOT perfect but they use all that against me. I really believe the future depends on how we raise our kids and I was under the impression it takes a community (especially family) to help. It's so sad when you have to space yourself from your own family.

very true

Parents Forum

Parenting Community

Pregnancy Forums

Parenting Resources