uncwbrad

I am a new father to a wonderful 6 month old boy. My wife is constantly fussing at me. It seems to me she is just being extemely mean. I clean when she asks, I watch my son when she asks. I play with my son. I change diapers and every other parental duty. But ever since I can remember I have needed my alone time. I have always been ADD and get bored very easily. If I am not sitting in the room watching as they are playing, I am being a bad person. I get bored just sitting there. Just a little while ago I said I was going to cut the grass. She got mad and said why didnt you cut it when the baby was sleeping. I was tired and took a nap when he did. She said anything but being with us. Am I crazy or do other fathers have to be doing things. She just asked me what I was doing on the computer and I told her. She got extremely mad and told me that I should just talk to her and not to strangers. I responded by saying that when I talk to her she gets mad. She told me that I was being a baby. I told her she was being a bitch if I was being a baby. She said you are right, I am being a bitch. I just want to know if I am being different or am a common.

Xero

Well the problem is that men and women think so differently. No offense, but a lot of men don't think to do things unless you ask them to, and that drives some women crazy. It's not like men are trying not to do things, its just that they don't even think of it and sometimes women expect them to think of it. She sounds like she might be a little bit irritable right now, but the problem is I know there are two sides to every story, so it's hard to say much. Either way, don't get too mad over her being irritable. With a baby that age, sometimes it can be very stressful and as a mother sometimes you just wish you didn't have to spend every minute of every day with your new baby.

Maybe she wants a little alone time of her own once in a while? You have to think about that. I always felt like my boyfriend always thought about how revolving his life around a baby was so terrible for him, but for some reason he never seemed to consider that I might feel the same sometimes? It's not your fault, women can be very hard to read. She might not out right tell you how she feels, and then she yells at you for not figuring it out on your own. I know I've always had that problem. I figured out after a while, that it's all about communication. Ask her to tell you (in a gentle and non-irritated manner, just as a conversation), exactly how she feels and what she's thinking all the time and try to help her out. Even go out of your way to randomly take the baby from her. Tell her - "Go take a nap, read a book, take a bubble bath, go out with a friend for a bit, I'll take the baby". She'll go crazy lol. It's soooo much better when it's offered, then when you have to ask. That way next time you go to do your own thing for your own alone time or whatever, she can't say anything because you give HER time to herself TOO. And also just try to remember to do things with the baby on your own, any of the hard work, without being asked. I know that's the kind of thing that made me happy with Eli. Still does! lol

I just want to say, that you sound like a good father, and don't worry because a lot of couples have a lot of trouble in the first year of a new baby's life. My boyfriend and I did. But as the baby gets older, it gets remarkably easier, and you guys learn to communicate too. Just trust me. My boyfriend and I fought a lot about who wasn't doing enough with what when it came to the baby in the beginning. It's gotten so much better. So just hang in there, and push through this first year, and expect a better future. It DOES get better! Good luck though.

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Sirk

1. Your kid is not there to entertain you.
2. The way ya'll talk to each other is very childish.
3. ADD or not, you make decisions. You can decide to pay attention to your family even if they're boring. You're not interesting all the time either.

I wonder if it's your wife that's starved for your attention.

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Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
- Mother Teresa

http://www.crowdgather.com

1dayatatime

When my son was 6mon old I spent 14 hr a day with him while dad was at work. When dad got home he was tired from his day but still "played" with the baby and attempted to pay attention to me. I say attempted as I was not the nicest person to be around. I was still feeling really fat, I had all this new responsibility, and I was second guessing myself alot about my abilities as a parent. Am I holding him too much, should I read to him more, should I give him more free time.... It's tough. I don't know what it's like from the dad side but maybe that a glimpse at what she may be dealing with. My advice would be to make an effort, even if you have to insist, to do a "family" event once a week. Go to the mall and walk around, go to the park, something that you can do as a family.

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Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

Dadu2004

I think all 3 above have excellent points. That's such a touchy time of life with the new baby. You and your wife can't take your frustration out on eachother and call eachother names. That will do nothing but hurt your relationship. Come to a compromise, and communicate. Learn to work together, not against eachother.

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Father_0f_6

First off calling her that name is not a good idea and NOT acceptable.
Second, I agree with Xero, take the baby out for the day and give her alone time to do whatever she wants, she will really appreciate that.

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Kaitlyn Grace
Almost 8 years old (Billy is almost 8 too, he's in my profile picture lol)

Xero

You really know what it's like to go through that first yeah, huh Father Of 6? Six times! lol I love how you guys have been together for so long and you have so many kids. You must be a good dad and husband.

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Xero

What she said is the harsh truth. You really have to get over the idea of life being fun all the time. It's hard to grow up and move on to a new lifestyle after a new baby is born, but you have to do that. It's just the way it is.

However I must admit that a couple people are talking about their fight, and I certainly can't say that I've never said an immature word during a fight. I do HATE it when people swear directly at me in a mean way though, but I'm sensitive to it because my mom used to swear directly at me in a cruel way when I was really young, so I can't stand it. But I don't think anybody is perfect enough to say they don't ever fight with their significant other and say dumb, even childish, stuff.

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meow_173

Well......95% of the time, people are not bitchy just because. THere has to be some underlying reason as to why she is acting this way. As her reaction to you being on the computer, my DH is teh same way. WHy not talk to him and not strangers, but i tell him that this is an outlet in a way, and a tool to get advice.
Now, getting to the heart of the matter.......i believe in a relationship that there is a child, each parent deserves some "alone" time. And i don't mean alone time when your child is napping. So long as you are equally getting enough alone time, i don't see why she is so upset. Not to mention, if you are indeed doing all these baby chores without her having to ask , then unfortunatly i have no idea as to why she is so upset with you. Maybe its hormones?

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mom2many

Could be hormones, but I really don't see the issue. A lot of woman would be happy to have a husband who at least tries! As to the name calling, it happens in the heat of the moment, and usually isn't true, but when people are angry they say things that will get a rile of of us, natural, but not healthy, so that is something I would try to work on.

AS to alone time for mommy, it is important, but that has to be 50/50, and mothers should understand that the first year is hard and that mommy time is something far and few between. Your wife sounds like she is just unhappy, maybe motherhood is a lot harder then she thought it would be, maybe she invisioned something different, and maybe she needs some couneling, touchy subject to bring up but it might be worth it!

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Jennifer, mom to some wonderful kids!