Parents Forum

datmanwolf · 06-25-2007, 11:08 PM

Well my story is a long one. I am 26 years old with a daughter who is 14 months.

Ok its hard to decide where to begin. The mother of my daughter was a high school friend and while I was living in Texas she decided to move there to get away from Illinois.

After a month we ended up becoming a couple. We had a great first year and seemed like she was going to be the one. The second year got rough and she proclaimed she wanted to have my child. After a tubular pregnancy she finally got pregnant. As our lease was ending she decided she wanted to move back to Illinois so her mother could help her while she was pregnant.

In discussion we first thought it best I go live with my family to finish my education. After getting there and starting to get things in order she informed me that she wasn't going to wait for me. So trying to be responsible I packed up and moved to Illinois. We stayed in her mothers 1 bedroom apartment where I slept on the couch. I got a decent job at the place her mother worked and thought I would be saving for a place of our own. Instead we ended up getting a 2 bedroom apartment with us and her mother. Once again her mother and her stayed in one room and I in another because she didn't want us sleeping together since we wernt married.

The relationship started to dwindle and a month after the baby was born she said she didn't want to be with me anymore. 2 weeks later she had a new boyfriend and we still lived together. She dated him for 6 months and then broke up with him to try to make our relationship work. That lasted a week and then it was back to not wanting me.
Oh yes during all this she was not working. Anyway to get to the point after that little back story we have 3 months left on the lease. She has continued to go out and date and now that I have as well she has gotten even more of a attitude with me. So I am going to get the 3 months rent money leave and go into my own place. What is killing me is leaving my daughter. I know it would happen eventually but it is still tearing me up inside because I feel like she won't let me see her. She already uses things like that to hurt me. I know I have tl do what's right for me but the depression is hard.

I know this doesn't have a lot to do with parenting but I didn't really know how to classify my situation.

Just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar or has any insight.

Wolf

Kaytee · 06-26-2007, 05:15 AM

I don't have experience, but will tell you I think you should be getting a lawyer and filing for either custody or at least parental rights of some sort. Force her to allow you visitiation with your daughter. From what you said it may be best that you don't live together, that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to be portraying to your daughter. Good luck! God bless

mamab · 06-26-2007, 08:29 AM

I would agree with Kaytee. You're the father, you have parental rights. If you show to a court that you are trying to do the right thing, even more than the mother of the child, I can't imagine that they would turn down your request to be a part of the child's life.

tater03 · 06-26-2007, 12:27 PM

Yes, please get a lawyer and get visitation with your daughter. Don't allow her to use your daughter as a pawn which from what you write might just happen. You sound like a very good Dad and I feel that you should have no problems getting visitation. Good luck to you and keep us posted. You are doing what is best for you and your daughter. This yo-yoing back and forth with your girlfriend is not a good situation for anyone.

datmanwolf · 06-26-2007, 03:07 PM

Thanks for the responses. Another thing I failed to mention. I am not on the birth certificate. She didn't and wouldn't let me be on so she could get the free health care along with link and wic. I have been talking with a lawyer onthe fact that she lied to get government help. She would like to scare me with threats of child support but doesn't realize that doesn't bother me as I have been paying for my daughters needs anyway. I just don't like the idea of her using that money for something besides our daughters needs.

Thank you guys for the advice. Sad to say that it will have to come to that just to be in my daughters life.

Will keep you posted on the progress of it all

Wolf

Kaytee · 06-26-2007, 03:46 PM

well you will have to get a paternity test, if she refuses, then you may need to get a court order for one. Second, if you were married or not she could have gotten govt. assistance. I was on medicaid when I became pregnant. Not something I am proud of, but we needed it as we did not have insurance at the time. We now have insurance and are no longer on any type of assistance.
Anyways, when you aply for those things you have to lost everyone in your household, married or not, room mates even count. It all is combined to determine weather you qualify for medicaid. Its based on pay and number of people in the house. I don't remember what it is but it was like under 25,000 for a household of two, 30,000 for a household of 3. (AGAIN NOT SURE THE ACTAUL AMOUNTS)
If she qualified for medicaid, she is automatically qualified for WIC. (again I was married at the time.) We did not use the WIC because we could afford milk and things like that, just not medical bills.

datmanwolf · 06-26-2007, 06:16 PM

Right but she didn't list me as a roommate or anything. When they would visit I had to leave the house. As far as they know I don't exist. When asked who the father was she would lie and say she didn't know. This is what I was trying to get at.

LisaOwen05 · 06-26-2007, 10:53 PM

u should get a court order to get a paternity test to say u are the father then get custody... its the only way....

thats sad wat she has done to you......

Kaytee · 06-27-2007, 06:09 AM

Thats sad what she has done to that poor child. idon't understand people and how they can hurt their own children. heck I couldn't do that to someone elses child

datmanwolf · 06-27-2007, 08:59 AM

You don't know half of what fhe has done. But for a small example staying out till 4 in the morning with her friends is more important then coming home and watching her daughter so her own mother can get some sleep. Then she sleeps till 2 in the afternoon ignoring her and just turning on the TV and giving her a bottle. Sigh don't get me started onthis topic for I feel she is unfit.

If you wonder why I don't watch her it is because I am not allowed to bevaude they think I might molest my daughter! Way too many lifetime movies and personal hangups. But white men are all like that!(my daughter is half black hence they say that). Ugh so idiotic...

Parents Forum

Parenting Community

Pregnancy Forums

Parenting Resources