FooserX

We've talked about it before, and she admits she's wrong for hitting our 4 year old...but everytime he acts up, she lets things get to her...and ends up spanking him. I don't get it. :-(

Once she calms down, she feels horrible...and then spoils him...but once he misbehaves, it's like we never had that talk.

This weekend, she even hit him in the head! It wasn't a hard hit...or something he even cried about, but just watching her do it out of frustration made me furious.

I know not many people are going to admit it...but has anyone had this problem? Or had a spouse who had this problem? Any thoughts?

I don't think it'll get worse...and it's not like some kind of domestic abuse issue where she is looking to inflict pain on someone...she just reacts physically to him. It's not really hard either...but I don't like it!

fallon

I had this problem...Once I got so mad I hit her with her shoe, not hard but I couldn't believe what I had done. Do you talk to her about this...like really talk or is it something you fight about? The cycle she has going, with hitting, than feeling bad, than spoiling him...that's not working. maybe the 2 of you could come up with a better solution together.

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

FooserX

That's why I'm posting here genius! To come up with something!

*leaves before he gets hit with a shoe*

fallon

*get back here so I can smack you*

does she understand that this method isn't working? some people don't...I guess what I'm wondering is have you sat down with her and had a converstation about this? does she know it upsets you?
I find with DebraLyn if I am really upset with her it's best if I send her to her room for a little bit till I have calmed down or I make her sit on the stairs or something. Once I've taken a minute to decided the best way to handle whatever it is we talk about what she has done and why it's wrong

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

musicmom

FooserX

When she's calm, she understands it's not working. It's not like she's in denial or something.

But when she loses her patience, in the moment, she really loses all sense of control and reality. I don't get how an adult can be so unable to control themselves, but hey...some people are like that.

If I step in when she does this, she just feels like I'm attacking her and proceeds to find something mean to say to me. It's not until a few minutes later does she realize what she just did.

Since it hasn't escalated...it hasn't been a real problem. But we've had the talk more than once now...so it's becoming an issue because it keeps happening. I was fine with a spank now and then...even though I didn't like it...but when she hit him on the forehead over the weekend...ack....

I told Bradley to tell her not to hit him when she does it, or before she does it. Like "Please don't hit me mom"

Maybe hearing it from him will get the point across?

fallon

actually I think having him do that might just work...Bring her around to reality ya know. I know if it was me it would break my heart to hear my child ask me not to hit her

__________________
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

FooserX

lol...that is retarded advice, but thanks.

jtee

This is a very tough one.

I have a good buddy that struggled with this one for several years with his wife and son. And in their case, things did escalate to the point where his wife was throwing their son against the wall with significant force. There was a period of 2-3 years where my buddy would never leave them alone together because he needed to be there to keep things from escalating. When he was around, he could see the (dysfunctional) pattern as it started happening, and would do\say things to keep it under control, such as take their son outside, send him to his room, or whatever. However, he couldn't stop it from happening all the time, and a few times a year, the boy would get hit so hard it would knock him off his feet.

In their case, they simply survived\managed it, because it never really stopped until their son was older (13+). Her particular problem was hormonal, when she would get into a rage, it was like dealing with a person who was seriously drunk, no amount of talking would work during the "Rage". My buddy simply made sure their son was safe from harm.

If you, or anyone else has the HBO family channel, I highly recommend that every parent watch: Brent Killed Mom it is a documentary by Ellen Goodenberg about why her younger brother at age 15 stabbed their mother to death one afternoon after school. It shows what happens in families that struggle with this issue and it continues to escalate to the point where somebody gets killed. This is a great documentary on this subject and it doesn't over state things, nor pull any punches.


http://www.hbo.com/apps/schedule/Sch...US_ID=5653 08

musicmom