1dayatatime

I was thinking the same thing. Each kid is so completly different, what works on one doesn't always work on the other. I'm still waiting for my owners manual.

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Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

Mindy

Well yes, lots of my opinions will probably change when I have kids. I just disagree with the shaming part., and that won't change. In the house fine, but not in public. JMHO

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"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit.”

Dr. Erik Erikson

1dayatatime

Gotcha. I would rather be the one to publicly shame my child. What I mean is anything that could possibly happen to my child due to others, teasing and such, I want to come from me first. My pops teased me all the time about everything, so when some dumb kid came at me teasing me for being extra tall for my age or my glasses or whatever I was armed. Been there done that kinda thing. What my peers had to say didnt matter I knew better. I feel like if you completely shelter your kids from the awful in the world, when the time comes and they see it will you be there to explain? Somehow I feel like my typing is not totally reflecting what I mean. I'm having a off day I think. Bad dream.

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Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

HappyMomma

I disagree with this somewhat. Shame can be a consequence for certain choices that one makes. Ideally shame should be a result of making a bad choice. I'm not taking about shame to carry for the rest of one's life but simply being ashamed for behaving inappropriately and learning from that experience.

The consequences for actions at the childhood age are dramatically less than what they become in adulthood. IMO, it's better to learn those lessons now before the consequences become jail, addiction... etc.

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The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
~Lane Olinghouse

Mindy

I agree to a certain extent HM I think shame is a natural consequence one would feel when having done something like that. Shame is horrible enough on it's own IMO, without it being reinforced publically. JMHO

__________________
"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit.”

Dr. Erik Erikson

Teresa

I don't see the need for public humiliation. If my parents had done that to me, the lesson I would have learned from it was that they didn't care about my feelings...and it would have caused a LOT of anger. I am a firm believer in consequences that relate directly to the action, and to me this doesn't fit the bill.

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Wife to Barry
Mother to Brian,Adrienne and Amy
Christianity is not a religion like most people think. Christianity is a life of imitating Jesus.

Mindy

I agree Teresa. All that would have taught me is to be more guarded with my feelings.

__________________
"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit.”

Dr. Erik Erikson

evilbrent

well i've got kids and i completely think that's the wrong thing to do: shaming kids does teach one thing - it teaches them how to be ashamed and that their parents want them feel shame.

bad idea.

as for this "if you can't do the time don't do the time"... when you say that it really comes across as "whenever you trangress i'm going to punish you to whatever extent i feel like".

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Life is beautiful. Love is everywhere. Everything is going to be ok.

evilbrent

here's a thought - how about you raise your kids to have PRIDE and SELF-ESTEEM being their driving motivators, rather than SHAME and EMBARRASMENT.

...just a thought.

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Life is beautiful. Love is everywhere. Everything is going to be ok.

evilbrent

"if i could change one thing in my life it would be to make more mistakes."

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Life is beautiful. Love is everywhere. Everything is going to be ok.