Ari2

We looked into adoption before we had our twins. In our experience, overseas adoption was more expensive. The price ranged from agency and agency and from country to country, but all the international adoption situations we found were more expensive. The timing varied quite a bit, however. I was told by our friends who adopted (both domestic and international) said to expect to take 9 months to slightly over 2 years to receive a child.

As for wondering about their biological parents: We didn't adopt, and I'm not adopted. But my sister is, and she wondered about her biological parents - especially her birth mother - for a very long time. It seems only natural to wonder, I think. She seriously considered trying to find her birth mother, but eventually she decided against it. After many years and having a family of her own, she lost interest. Her birth mother, however, contacted her, which was a giant emotional upset to my sister. If it upset my mother, my sister and I never knew about it. She was and is comfortable that she is the woman who raised my sister and provided constant support to my sister in whatever she wanted to do, including find her birth mother when that was her interest.

There are plenty of adoption websites. I hope you find the answers you need. Good luck!

SpitNCobra13

I fully intend to consider adoption someday, especially from China or somewhere where kids are in desperate need!

__________________

Mindy

SuperMario feel free to PM me if you want to discuss the specifics. I have been researching every kind of adoption and it's affect on all members of the triad for years now

jtee

Mindy, feel free to post any knowledge you have on this subject.

Mindy

Goodness, there is a lot, but I'll post a bit and then if anyone has specific questions, just shoot

International Adoption is a very unpredictable beast. Especially these days. The top sending coutries are 1. China 2. Russia 3. Guatemala. Prices for International Adoption can range anywhere from 9,000 - 30,000 dollars. Sometimes not including travel, and the in country stays most countries require.

SuperMario if you are looking to adopt internationally, you will be waiting a long time. Most countries require you be at least 30 years old, sometimes older. The youngest you can be is 25 (Guatemala and a few others I believe) and for Vietnam, you must be at least 20 years older than the child you adopt. That is youngest you can be to adopt internationally.

If you applied to adopt from China now, you probably would not have a referral (picture of a child you will possibly adopt) for 2-3 years and probably close to 5 years altogether before your child is home.

Plus, you must be 30 years old to adopt from china. You must be married. (at least 3 years) you must have a combined income of $80,000 a year or greater. You cannot be overweight (there's an exact number) you cannot be taking anti-depressants, you can have any deformities, you can't have ever been arrested or had a dui or anything, and you can't have any diseases, not even cancer. If you have had cancer before, chances are they will deny you.

International adopting is Russia will also take several years (always with exceptions of course) but 2 years I'd say. Depending of course on the agency. In Russia, a child cannot be available for international adoption unless they have been in the system at least 14 mths, so you are not going to be adopting an infant. Russia has an alarmingly high rate of babies born with FAS. Unfortunately the longer a child is institutionalized the more chance they have of never being able to attach to anyone ever. The implications of this are real and scary. Basically lost souls. And this is NOT only Russia, this can happen with ANY child adopted internationally.

Ok, gotta get coffee will be back, please ask if anyone has questions. I'm all for busting some adoption myths anyone has heard

jtee

Thanks Mindy, that is good stuff!

Mindy

Warning * This is not to offend anyone who has adoption domestically (infant) and this is what I have learned from my research.

Domestic Infant Adoption in the U.S.A. is a 4 BILLION dollar a year industry. An industry that turns babies, into commodities IMO. It is completely unregulated. Private Adoption Agencies do not have to report to the governement and the numbers of domestic infant adoptions are not even recorded (notice the profit is though)

Adopting an infant in the U.S.A. can cost anywhere from 5,000 – 60,000 dollars. If you want a shiny white perfect baby, you are looking at about 30,000 – 50,000 dollars. Interestingly enough many agencies have sliding scales for price, based on race if you even believe it. Yup, you heard right, while you would pay 50,000 “administrative fees” for a white baby, and black infant’s “administrative fees” would only be 5 – 10,000 dollars. And if you baby is biracial (half white) they are worth more. Now please tell me how the paperwork can cost more for a baby of a different race? I’m sorry, really passionate about this.

Most mothers who place their babies for adoption, are in a “crisis pregnancy” hormones, worries, finances, society telling you you are not good enough because you are young, not married etc. this all leads to coersion in many cases. If you are EVER in a crisis pregnancy, never ever go to an adoption agency. Also, this thing you know as open adoption where contact is kept up? (and many mothers place ONLY because they know they would be able to contact their child, because let’s face it they love their babies) is not even legally binding. Once the adoption is final the adoptive parents have all the rights, and they can just cut the first mom out completely.

Adoptive parents are also taken advantage of. Expected to pay huge amounts of $, just to become a family.

There will always be a need for adoption, don’t get me wrong. But adoption has become something it was never intended to be. Mothers who abuse their children are never the mothers who place their babies. The mothers who do place their child, honestly believe they are doing the best, and that they are not good enough for their baby. They truly love their children, and it’s so ironic that the mothers who should place their babies never do, and abuse them instead, but the ones who would have been good mothers, lost their babies forever. They are told they are “heros” for giving the “gift” of a baby to a couple who cannot have one. Children are not gifts to be given away, but agency propaganda is very persuassive when you are in a crisis pregnancy.

When you adopt a child, unless you are very lucky (and only recently) to get a copy of the child’s original birth certificate before it is sealed, then your child will never ever again have access to his/her OBC. It is forever kept from your child. Even as an adult, they don’t have the right like the rest of us, to know where they came from. Adoption is a LEGAL LIE. You actually are issued an BC stating that you gave birth to the child you adopted. Adults adoptees have been fighting for open records for decades. They are treated as second class citizens, not allowed to know their own truths, all under the guise of “privacy” Privacy that was supposedly promised to all relinquishing mothers. Only it wasn’t.

Adoption can be wonderful. But not always, and not ever completely. Fact is, adoption is based on loss. Adoption is a complex diochotomy.

hannah's mommy

I was adopted in a domestic private adoption, and I was able to have my records/original birth certificate unsealed when I turned 21.

Mindy

That's great Hanna's mommy! Did your first mom have to agree? Or your parents? Or was it automatic when you turned 21? You must live in one of the better states where this is concerned.

I am really sorry if anything I said hurt you, it's just what I have learned, but I realize it's a very complex emotional thing is adoption, so I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable.

hannah's mommy

Oh you didn't say anything to hurt me, don't worry about that.

Nobody had to agree to anything. Once you become 21, the juvenile records can be unsealed (for a fee of course) by the juvenile.

Like, my adoptive mom couldn't have done it, only I could have.