violet1

I have a 3 year old (boy) and I'm due with my second (a girl) in 6 weeks. It took a long time to decide it was finally the right time to have a second child, for a number of reasons.

One big reason was that I just wasn't ready to take any of my focus and attention away from my son. I have been a working mom up until the first of this year, so I think part of it might have been guilt that I wasn't there for more of his infancy and I just wanted to be able to spend time with him.

Obviously I know that there is enough love in a mother's heart for all of her children. I'm not worried about that. But I told my husband last night that I am a little worried that I might feel a little depressed or resentful with this new baby. I guess it's because I feel like now my son is going to have to share me with someone new who's equally important. Does that make sense?

I know my son is excited, at least, until she gets here. I think he'll be a great big brother and I'm probably worrying for nothing.

How did you handle the transition from one child to two? I know the first couple of months will require a TON of adjustment and hopefully it will help that I'm staying home. What can I do to make sure that I'm giving my son the attention he needs since the new one is going to be so demanding of so much of my time too?

tater03

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my second child. Mine are about the same ages as yours will be apart. I actually was real upset at times that my son would be mad because it was alway all about him. What I did and it seemed to work well is when the baby was napping that was my time to spend with my son. I would also try to ask for his help taking care of the baby from time to time during the day. The other thing I did is when my husband got home I made sure to spend an hour with just my son in the evening while my husband took care of the baby. I will not lie it is an adjustment but nowhere near how I had it in my head. It all works out in the end. Good luck to you and your family.

trick-r-treat

Gosh - I thought I was so weird for feeling that way. I loved my daugher (firstborn) so much, I just didn't think I had enough room in my heart to love another child. It almost hurt to think of the attention that she would be missing. And then I came to realize that I needed to have the second child, because I was too focused on the one child. She never was a spoiled brat, thank God, but I was too involved in everything she did, and I guess she felt like she had to live up to my expectations.

happy2bg33k

My second child was born when my first was 6. I think that people thought she was going to be an only child. I, too, was really worried that I couldn't love another baby as much as my first. It takes some adjustment but you will feel exactly the right thing for your new one! My oldest and I have a different relationship then I have with my youngest because we had so much time together with her as an only child but I don't love my second any less because of it. The hardest adjustment was after the infant period and when he became a toddler, as a my daughter put it, a "real person". The adjustment was mostly on the part of my daughter who wanted a sibling so much but really didn't understand that she would be sharing so much of her time not just with me but with her grandparents as well.

You will eventually find a routine that works for you and your son. Just make sure to set aside special time for just him (I know, easier said then done!) and I would maybe suggest to family that they bring a small big brother gift when they visit so he doesn't feel horrible left out. Our hospital offered a wonderful sibling class for siblings to take before the baby is born. I wonder is you anything like that available to you?

TracyW

Well, my situation is a bit different than most ~ but my son was 9 1/2 years old when I had my second child. We didn't plan it that way - but wouldn't change it if I could. He was a bit "shocked" at first but super duper excited the whole pregnancy and continues to be an awesome big brother. Ü

steph2005

my son will only be about 19 months when I have my daughter....I am a bit worried I hope he does good with her....A couple weeks ago we were at a friends house and there was this girl there with a baby that was only a week old kyler walked over smiling and just looked at the baby then reached out real slow and started petting the babies head he was so gentle it was amazing!! But I dont know if it will be like that when he sees his mommy holding another baby all the time....im so scared he will get jealous....

Sillygurl2l8

I got pregnant with my second daughter right at the same time my oldest turned a year old. Looking back now (Emi 2.5 yo, Mea almost 1 year old) I don't think Emi knows of a time that she didn't have a sister. It takes time to adjust, just like anything life changing does..but it will work out. You just have to try to equal out the one on one time you spend with both and try to give them the same amount of attention. It gets easier the older they get.

__________________
Wouldn't it be nice to have a newborn guidebook or an instruction manual? Now you can ---> http://yourbabycareguide.com/superbaby/?e=Sillygurl2l8@yahoo.com

lovingparent

Sibling rivalry is a real problem, when we have more than one kid. We need different ideas as all children are kind of different. If anyone has some resource, let me know.

fallon

I was really worried about how my daughter (4) was going to handle the birth of her brother (now 4 months) but she has been great. The addition of another child has been way harder on me. I think it helps that I'm now a stay at home mom so I've been able to give her tons of attention we also try to take her out without her brother about once a week so she can have a little one on one time of her own without anybody being distracted by what the baby is doing

Nathalie

Hi Violet1,
I felt just like trick-r-treat. I remember the first time I went to the store w/out my fistborn, I felt completely lost. My daughter was 15 mts. old when my son was born. At first I felt because my daughter was older that meant she understood more. So I needed to spend more time w/ her. Well due to this thinking I made it harder for my son and I to bond. For the longest, I felt guilty for the not giving my the son the attention he deserved as the newborn. I didn't neglect my son but I focused more on my daughter. I love all my children and I do believe that a newborn need to feel that for the first few months that they are the most important child. Well with my 3rd child (a girl) I made a conscious effort to make her the most important and my two oldest were fine. Eventhough my children are so young, I think the fact that I prepared my kids for a newborn helped a lot.