Kaytee

Yep be supportive! And believe me finding a babysitter is not aconcern you will have. Well maybe but not in the scheme of things. When that baby looks up at you with those eyes that might even resemble your own, you will see perfection.

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Heather

You have received wonderful advice here. I would like to say first of all, admitting your feelings like this is a very brave thing to do, and shows that you're really interested in moving forward and solving problems and not just complaining! I would also like to give a great big "Wow - cool!" to all of the women here who have acted like thoughtful, rational people and really tried to help rather than doing the shocked dismayed misunderstanding routine that I am sure you're afraid of happening in real life.

As you know, working towards trying to change your mind and your heart has to come from within. The only advice I can add is - allow yourself to envision that everything's going to be okay, no matter what happens. Stop worrying about how you will or won't feel. As others have said, be supportive, get involved, learn some things - seek third party counseling. If for nothing else - for the worry you are obviously experiencing.

And, too; I sort of hesitate to suggest this because it may backfire - start spending some short intervals of time with other people's young children? Maybe? Perhaps getting a sense of matter-of-fact about the practical things that you worry about interfering with your life will help make them seem less huge and looming. I've heard many people say about parenting: "It's never as hard...or as easy...as it seems." That is SO true.

Cut yourself some slack. Don't feel under so much pressure to feel or behave a certain way. Roll with it, explore it, communicate with your wife.

I want to address the issue of sexual disinterest: I know you don't want to admit that you feel trapped on a basal level, but you do. And you see the result of sexual activity, consciously or not, as the cause of the entrapment; even though you know rationally that is not really the case.

The most important thing I could possibly say about that: Do NOT seek to fulfill your desires elsewhere. I'm sure you don't plan on it - people rarely do - but seriously, don't do it. If you and your wife end up with irreconcilable differences over any other issue, don't let it be that one. Women feel vulnerable and emotional and frightened and suspicious when they are NOT pregnant - and pregnancy exacerbates all of those emotions. If you give her a reason not to trust you, then she won't. And I'm telling you, that's a nightmare rollercoaster you can never completely get off of.

Sorry if any of this sounded all highpockets; I'm really not about preaching or soapboxing. I'm really glad you decided to share - and you're not alone; many dads (moms too) feel exactly the way you do. But as I said - really - let yourself imagine being happy in the end. It's more likely to happen than not. These statistics brought to you by the cute thirtysomething blonde in the corner with ketchup on her shirt.

unhappy

To be totally honest, I was afraid of it happening both here and in real life. So, yes, many thanks to everyone for posting reasonable responses, and not treating me like a pariah.

I'm pleased to be able to say that I spoke to my wife last night. A lot of what she said echoed the sentiments posted here, but I guess she knows how to push my buttons, because she made me feel much better. I'm not dreading the baby any more, and I'm actually starting to look forward to it

We went for the 12-week scan today, which helped to bring the whole thing home. In the space of a couple of days, I've gone from being unhappy and dreading the baby's arrival, to being excited about it.

Life is good again. Many thanks to all of you for helping me sort myself out.

Tom

That's really great to hear. The first ultrasound really was a big landmark event for me and reading this thread I can draw some parallels with some of my own feelings. I can say now though that every day I am more excited. Sounds like you might have turned a corner. Best of luck to you!

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Kaytee

I am so glad to hear that!!! You will be fine, just keep some confidence in yourself. Don't forget that everyone has doubts at some point and thats completely normal. Keep us posted on how things are going.

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CaringDad101

Hey thats really good news! Im sure that kid will make you very proud and glad that u kept him one day.

mamab

I'm so glad to hear that you're no longer "unhappy" about the baby. They really are little miracles and such a blessing.

I'm also glad that you spoke with your wife. Believe it or not, women have their own doubts, fears, and questions. I'm glad that she was able to help allay your fears and rejoice in your new found excitement.

Please let us know how things are progressing along the way.

Stephanie2377

Oh, I am so very very glad that your talked with your wife and now you are feeling better. Actually "seeing" your baby (even when just a little blob on the screen) is so incredible. Just wait until you meet *YOUR* baby.

I am glad you are feeling excitement. Parenting is the most rewarding and yet the most challenging role that you will ever take on. But, the love that you feel towards that little person will rival nothing you have ever known.

This, I promise you.

Good luck!

unhappy

Again, thank you to everyone for the support, and especially for not jumping on me and (metaphorically) beating me over this.

I may well be back, but I'll probably use a different user name, since I'm not unhappy any more :-)

GulfVetSAF

UnHappy,

I am not one to give advice but I will share my own experiences with this subject. Nearly 16 years ago, I was a young Corporal in the Marine Corps (just back from the 1st Gulf War). At the time, I had developed a sense of one certainty; that I wanted a family. However, as the months went by (and my wife and I were trying to get pregnant), I lost that desire. Point of fact is that I tried everything not to. I remember when I found out about our son... I came home from standing duty on Thanksgiving Day and my wife had a card for me... I told her I'd wait until the next day because that's when we were going to actually have dinner. The next day when I opened the card and learned that she was pregnant, I was partially in shock.

At any rate, I don't know if this will be the case for you. But for me, the same passion I had previously to have a child developed over time for me... We ended up separating when our son was only a few months old, but I can tell you now that Tyler (my son) is the one true miracle of my life.

I can't articulate the exact nature and enormity of how our son blessed my life and at times literally kept me alive and going. Over the next few years I retired from the Marine Corps, was losing my health and I had to move three times to several states in order to be close and part of his life.

I've been through a lot just to be involved and part of Tyler's life; but I have never once regretted it. I don't know what to tell you to do, except do as you are and talk about it... I'm not by any means judging you but the fact remains you're going to be a father. For now, the only choice you have to make is exactly to what extent you're going to be a PARENT? I hope you come to some peace with the reality of where you're at. I know if you stick it out, wondrous things will happen... Best of luck