musicmom

This weekend was intense for me. I finally got to sit down with dh and talk about the miscarriages we had a year ago. I have been holding on to so much hurt and I felt like I was not allowed to grieve. I didn't know I could. When I was explaining to dh the things he said hurt me and to me those were "children" in my eyes and how it mentally hurt me in ways I hadn't known.
He actually sat there and listened and let me cry and was so compassionate and told me how sorry he was and how he did not understand what it had done.
I let him know that I was alone in mourning the loss of those miscarriages, the loss of my best friend Amber and the loss of my other best friend Eric and I had alot of anger towards him for not being there. It was nice to just be allowed to cry and have him on my side.
Anyone else still go through grieving? How do you cope? Do you talk about your loss/losses?

Kaytee

I have not thank God, but I am so sorry you have and felt alone.
There are many places on the net that are groups of woman who have suffered miscarriages, still births and loss of infants. You might want to look so me up to help you talk about it. Even if its been ayear I am sure its still difficult.
I know of a few, if you want them, just let me know

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

musicmom

No I don't want to dwell in it because it's just not a happy place but thank you. It would be like reliving it over and over again. It was just good to let it out to him.
I tried the group sharing thing when my best friend died but that was a horrible experience, too much sorrow.
Are you trying to get rid of me Kaytee? lol

Kaytee

nah, I'd just ban ya!!! lol

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

musicmom

ivybendorf

Hun, I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I miscarried, I got a lot of, "You can always have another," and "Everything happens for a reason."

Talk about damaging things to hear. I don't want another one, I want the one I lost! And who says I was SUPPOSED to loose my child? It's not me starting my period late, its my baby dying!! It feels like it is brushed off a lot. After two weeks, people think I should be over it. I'm not. I won't be for a long time. I am going to cry, and hurt, and feel that loss many times over. My husband's stepsister has gone through countless miscarriages, so he has some clue, but at the same time he is a guy and just doesn't get it. No one who has not lost a child understands.

You are allowed to grieve for as long as you need to, everyone else be damned. I do a lot of writing about it. Some of it is on my myspace page, myspace.com/ivydragonwind.

Strangely, sex helps a lot. Good, frequent sex. Orgasm is incredibly healing and stress relieving. I have made it a daily routine after my miscarriage, and I am not trying to brag, because most of the time I don't get 'help' , but my brain has seemed to rewire itself to run better since. Sex helps chase away the demons the loss has left behind.

Also, I bought some things for the baby after she died. A few clothing items that made me think of her. It was good to finally acknowledge her, instead of trying to 'move on' and forget. I only had her for a little while, I don't even know if she was really a she, but it seems right. I didn't name her, but she was my little girl just the same.

__________________
Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality. ~Beatrix Potter :wubclub:

ivybendorf

Oh, and I am sorry I didn't see this sooner. **hugs**

__________________
Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality. ~Beatrix Potter :wubclub:

musicmom