Parents Forum

just a dad · 05-18-2008, 05:45 PM

I've been a step parent to 3 kids for about 5 years. It wasn't easy goiung into it. The are all three good kids. Never in trouble with the law. Good students etc. They are all 3 21 or above now. One of the girls has a son. So that makes me his "step grandpa'

I treat the kid good as i always have the other kids. Since he is only 4 I play with him, watch tv with him and try to teach him right from wrong. it seems like I can never do anything right. I buy him stuff. Hot Wheels and action figures (Spider Man) And give it to him as incentives when he behaves and eats his dinner etc.

I was told last week that I can't give him anything else because he has too much already and the action figures I gave him could give him night mares.( He watches Spider man all the time. Has all 3 of the movie)

There are times when he has gotten rowdy and I've had to call him down so that he don't break anything or hurt himself. When I do I get crappy looks or comments from the other "family" members. Afew weeks back he was running and landing knees first into my daughters tote bag. I told him he needed to stop before he hurt himself or broke something. One of the step daughters spoke up and said "He's not going to hurt nothing" I explained to her that the bag contained a digital camera, IPOD and cell phone and not only could he hurt himself on them he could break them. Nothing else was said as I moved the bag out of the way.

One of the things that he and I enjoy doing is watching wrestling. I record the shows and we watch the matches. I was told last week that he is no longer allowed to watch wrestling because it is violent. I always explain to him that the wrestlers are not really fighting they are just acting and not really hitting each other But it's ok for him to watch Power Ranger and have him come in here doing somersaults and jumping off the sofa.

Last night we were at one of the kids house. They were watching HOUSE. During the show they were operating on a guys brain. he asked what they were doing and i jokingly said that they were taking his scrambled egg brains out. Well, we joked back and forth a few times and when it was time to go I just tickled the top of his head and said " I got your scrambled eggs brains". I was told by my wife that "They" don't want him hearing that" I just said "Oh this is getting ridiculous. She said "Well they don't want him going to day care saying that." I just said "Whatever" and we left.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for respecting a parents wish. But I was just kidding around. I just feel like that anything that I do someone is just waiting to say something. The examples above are just a few of many over the past few years.

Also, It's not like I don't know how to raise/play with a kid. My daughter watched wrestling all the time with me. We rough housed and all of that. She grew up to be a normal, well adjusted almost 18 year old. She thought they whole thing was pretty stupid too.

I'm just about at the end of my rope. Next week when they come over I'm making myself scarce.

Music-dad · 05-18-2008, 06:22 PM

Well, first of all let me say "I'm glad I'm not in your shoes" (sorry, not meaning to be rude in any way)

I can't say much, but Spiderman movies are rated PG13, he should not be watching them, as well he should not be watching wrestling (even if you tell him it's not real) you might as well let him watch SAW and tell him they're just pretending to cut each other up..., HOUSE should be out too.

What's the point of ratings if no one even bothers with them. They are there for a reason. I have only budged on the odd 8+ rating for my 4 y/o and only if I have watched it first, and feel she can handle it.

As for the visit, I hope that you don't end up feeling like a stranger in your own home...that would suck.

musicmom · 05-18-2008, 06:48 PM

He sounds like he rough houses too much so the wrestling is not good just yet at his age. He is too young to understand how serious playing around like that could injure himself or other children.
Watching house is a big no no. He is too little for that. Children do not understand that they are not immortal so seeing things like that may make him try stuff out (probably not but just in case)
I do not see anything wrong with spider man and I also do not see anything wrong with the action figures, that's just going a bit too far. Boys will be boys and those are only toys.
My suggestion to you would be too research a few sites on how to raise an appropriate, respectful four year old child. They do not come with rule books so if you are not sure you should google it and read a bit more about it. You could learn alot. You are coming here which shows you have a good heart and are open. It takes time. You'll get the hang of it. You are not a bad father, just have a few things to learn because of the way society is now a days. Good luck. Please keep coming back

Kaytee · 05-18-2008, 08:16 PM

mm he is not the father but the grandfather )step grandfather.

I think the parents are being hypicritcal personally. If they allow him to watch House, then so waht if you said scrambled eggs brains thats better then some other things that could be said.
It sucks and I am sorry. You have to listen to the parents unfortunately.

Teresa · 05-19-2008, 04:06 AM

I agree with Kaytee...I was sensing hypocrisy from the parents in that post. They allow the child to do things, and then complain when "step" grandpa allows the same sort of thing. Unfortunately, they are the parents, and you do have to respect their wishes.

AmethystRose · 05-25-2008, 07:35 PM

I think what the original poster was trying to say was, he feels he cant ahve a laugh anymore.

I know the parents must seem a little tad over protective by saying dont do that and dont do that.

But it is because at 4 they start to understand a lot more and they need to know boundaries of what is right and wrong, watching wrestling is a no go for me, as when he starts school he could think that this is acceptable behavior to go around bashing everyone up and would end up thrown out of school, i think it teaches kids the wrong things to do also.
I dontknow what this House thing is as we dont have it in the uk or if we do ave not seen it, but if anything like saw i wold not let my son watch it, as i find it very upsetting and even i had nightmares, so wat would it do to my 2yr old or a 4yr old?
I think things like this encourage kids to be evil wen they are older as they think its ok if the parents dont explain no you cant do that etc or because ....... blah blah blah!

but as for the scrambled egg thing thats just a laugh they are taking things way to seriously if ur not allowed to do anythng like that, kids like fun things like that

just a dad · 05-25-2008, 10:37 PM

They came over the other day and he had some pictures that he had colored at daycare. He had a few of a giraffe. One was a real good picture. The giraffe was the right color. On one of the other ones the giraffe was nearly all red. I asked him why he colored the giraffe red. He said that the giraffe was red because that was blood where he was killing it. I asked him where he heard that at. He said he saw his dad playing a game on the computer.

BTW... This is the same dad that drinks beer, smokes and is always *itching about everything.

So after dinner he asked if I wanted to wrestle. I told him I did not but we could go outside and walk around. When we got out there he said.. "Papaw, you wanna play scrambled egg brains" I said "Nah, let's not play that anymore because that's not a thing little kids should hear. So we just walked around the property looking at nature stuff.

The sad part is that she's going to have another baby in November. I was kinda hoping that I may be able to fit in more with this one. But it seems like the more I do the more I get pushed back. I'm not going to worry too much about it. I'll make myself scarce if I have to. I do have some joy of knowing one day my daughter will have a kid and I'll have my own grandchild.

: )

Kaytee · 05-26-2008, 06:47 AM

I hope the best for you!

budnkota · 05-26-2008, 10:49 AM

Amethyst- House is a TV series about a doctor who specializes in the most puzzling cases. It's been a while since I've seen it, but it's not a blood and guts kind of thing (though some is inevitable in a medical show).

I brought up my ex allowing R to watch all kinds of PG, PG-13 movies, and her response was "So?" R had a Spiderman shirt on that day, and she even commented that she should have brought that movie in with her. Apparently the psychologist did not see this as a problem. I have to admit that R has seen the first Spider-man here and is obsessed. He doesn't go around shooting pretend guns or any kinnd of violence - he goes around "shooting webs" and pretending that he can climb the walls. We'll discuss it and he knows that Green Goblin is a "naughty man" and that Spider-man is a "berry nice guy" who's helping people. Honestly, I wasn't thrilled with him seeing it here, but I know he already sees it at his dads.
And I have to say that i would rather he watch that than Power rangers, ebcause he's also seen that at his dads, and comes back trying to pretend to hit and kick things. Not cool. I'd much rather have him pretend to shoot webs.

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