Parents Forum

HappyMomma · 04-04-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Barbi.doll

Yes, however, it's not much, 200 per month which works out to about 6.57/day. I don't make it an issue at this point, I know I could get more if I were to go through the courts, but then I see it as more than many others get from their children's fathers.

Mainly, I was just curious. I think it's good that he is making an effort to provide some support.

Barbi.doll · 04-04-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FooserX

I also agree that there shouldn't be a problem with you asking his parents...BUT...I can also see his side.

Even though he's probably focusing more on his family...that daughter is still his, and he's going to be attached to her and want to have a say in her well being. It may not be fair since he's not really a full time dad to her, but this is just his way of thinking...

Why not just call him in the future and tell him that you're going to let the grandparents watch him? Would that hurt anyone?

PS - what is a jack and jill?

LOL - jack & jill/buck and doe/ stag/stagette - a sort of fundraising party for two people who are getting married - it's my cousin who is getting married.

I agree with you to a certain point as well in regards to calling him to inform him, and I said that to him today "I'll call you to let you know, but I will not call you to ask your permission as I'm not opening a door for you to oppose. Those are her grandparents and they love each other, she's safe there and happy, and I feel secure knowing she's there opposed to her being with someone outside her family. I will not ask your permission, though I will listen if you are in opposition, but that doesn't mean I'll cater to it."

And I agree that if he were actively involved with the rest of the decisions being made, though he chooses not to be and I would allow him if he wanted to, then maybe his permission request might be granted. But, when it came in the past to simple things like attending her first preschool concert, seeing her at her skating lessons, taking her for a week over summer holidays - he wanted no part of any of that, he wanted no part of participating in buying her winter snowsuit, or helping fund daycare, extra curricular activities or making decisions about any of it...so, where does his head get to think that he should have some say as to whether I can send her to her grandparents? I don't really get it.

If he wants more involvement I'll let him, but HE CHOOSES not to.

He says "that's my family", so my hunch is this is A) a control thing, a power trip and B) he feels a loss of alliance with his family to me C) his fiance may also have something to do with this as she supports the idea with him that his parents make decisions without informing the family - meaning there's a problem with the family not liking the idea that his parents make decisions without them letting all their kids (all grown & married or engaged) know.

ljmahr · 04-04-2008, 02:38 PM

I think you did the right thing by telling him you will let him know she will be with his parents. I do want to say though, I think you should get some sort of court order just to protect yourself. Who's to say he will not get mad one day and just take off with your daughter? He could do that you know.

Barbi.doll · 04-04-2008, 02:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljmahr

I think you did the right thing by telling him you will let him know she will be with his parents. I do want to say though, I think you should get some sort of court order just to protect yourself. Who's to say he will not get mad one day and just take off with your daughter? He could do that you know.

Well, in theory, he could. However, according to an aquaintance of mine who lives out near him, she ran into him one day while he was loading our daughter into the car to bring her home. This aquaintance said to him "what would happen if you just didn't bring her home"....his reply was "oh F--K I'd have the cops at my door real fast".....so, he thinks otherwise and I'll leave him thinking just that.

I did not register him on the birth certificate as her father and in this province I do not have to acknowledge him legally as her father. Where he would need my permission to take her out of the province, I've given myself full legal authority over her as she has my last name and only me on her legal documents as a listed parent.

So, for now, a court order is not really necessary. Plus, if he were to do that, he knows that the ramifications thereafter would only be negative on the whole situation. So, as much as he's not all too bright, he's not dumb enough to ignore the consequences of that kind of thing.

ljmahr · 04-05-2008, 05:32 PM

So if he tried to keep her it would look as though he had kidnapped her. With everything that you have said, if you do not want to call him to let him know that the grandparents will be watching her than don't. If it isn't that big of deal to tell him that she will be there than call and tell him.

Ari2 · 04-05-2008, 05:56 PM

I agree with Fooser. If the two of you were married, you probably would let him set the tone for interactions with his family, so I can understand why he wants to do so now. It is his family, and you haven't mentioned (I think) the state of his relationship with his parents. Perhaps there something there that makes him insecure about you going directly to them and their taking care of his child.

Can you tell him that his parents have said that it was ok and so he needs to work it out with his parents? I would stress that you are simply following his parents' suggestion, and he needs to talk with them. Ideally, they will get him to relax about it. Secondly, I would ask - in a nice way, of course - for other suggestions for reliable, loving, free childcare when you need to be away. If he has no ideas, perhaps raise the idea of splitting the cost of babysitters. This may make him aware that his parents are your best option.

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