Parents Forum

1dayatatime · 07-08-2008, 04:31 PM

I dont like it. I know there are a million single moms in the world and the normal family is not so normal anymore but I find it selfish to get pregnant and have a child without considering your childs future feelings. I think it was Mindy that was talking about the child wanting to know about the bio dad. Most people do want to know at least some amount of their history. Also what if the child has some rare gentic disorder maybe knowing the donor could help. Life is all about finding balance. I know in my family having my influence and the totally opposite influence of my husband is helping to make our son more well rounded.

Mindy · 07-09-2008, 09:54 AM

That's what I meant 1day, I agree, it is less than ideal, but for children who have already lost their families or for whatever reason, their bio parents cannot care for them, then I think it's ok for single women to ADOPT children. I do see it as selfish to create more children, with possibly anonymous fathers. I heard on the news today there are now 1 billion people in this world who don't have any/enough food to eat. How sad is that? There are so many perfect children already, so if you are single and want to parent, I see that as the ideal.

And Sarush, totally agree, that is not fair to the man, and that makes me angry! He should not be tricked into anything.

Sirk · 07-09-2008, 10:56 AM

Adopting might take even long and be more expensive than IVF. (And certainly more expensive than screwing some guy at the bar.

)

My godmother adopted a special needs little girl from China and even the waiting list for that was huge.

Mindy · 07-09-2008, 11:06 AM

Yeah, don't compare with China, their wait is like 3-5 years now.

Adoptioh might take longer, but nothing good ever came fast or easy.

And IVF is more expensive than adoption. Though not way way more. Roughly 10 to 20 grand though.

Kaytee · 07-09-2008, 11:54 AM

I see what Mindy is saying and I don't know from experience but I can see a child being upset by it.

With that said, I am ok with single parenting, but I just can' tunderstand why someone would "choose" it.

Teresa · 07-09-2008, 12:02 PM

Her choice to make...if she can handle the responsibility on her own, good for her.

Teresa · 07-09-2008, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindy

My opinion might sound a little judgemental, so please bear with me

I fully believe she has every right to pursue motherhood on her own, HOWEVER I must admit, that I feel like they are a bit selfish when they choose IVF or surrogacy, and create yet another life, when there are millions of perfect children in this world who have no one. No forever family. And that is what she wants. If she truly wants to parent, I believe she should parent one of these children. Honestly no offence intended to anyone, just my dead honest opinion.

But why should that only apply to single people? Why not take it all the way and say that NO ONE should create a new life until every child in the world already born has a forever family? Is that fair? And if it's not fair to married couples, then it's no fairer to single folks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindy

See, the only problem I have with this, is no one considers the child's feelings. What if the child doesn't WANT an anonymous father? What if they NEED to know, and I know from experience and from having spoken with donor conceived children, that they sometimes feel a great deal of anger that their mothers wants and needs seemed to come before their own. And I'm fully aware "fathers" can dissapear and make themselves anyonymous but at least if she gets pregnant "accidentally", they do have a way of knowing WHO he is, instead of never having the RIGHT, IMAGINE, never having the right, to know who your OWN father is?

Another JMHO. And it's all rhetorical, you don't have to respond, and I'm not picking on you sarush, just you brought up a great point, I wanted to address

No child ever gets to pick if the parents they get are the ones they want. Even if mom knows who the father is, that's no guarantee he'll be around, or be able to be found, or give a crap.

Mindy · 07-09-2008, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teresa

But why should that only apply to single people? Why not take it all the way and say that NO ONE should create a new life until every child in the world already born has a forever family? Is that fair? And if it's not fair to married couples, then it's no fairer to single folks.

Well to be honest, that is my unfair, irrational pipe dream

No child ever gets to pick if the parents they get are the ones they want. Even if mom knows who the father is, that's no guarantee he'll be around, or be able to be found, or give a crap.

I totally get that Teresa. But there is a difference between having a deat beat dad but knowing where you came from, than never having the opportunity or RIGHT to know half of your own biology IMO.

Sirk · 07-09-2008, 04:09 PM

Am I the only person on the planet who wouldn't give the slightest poop if I found out some other jizz made me?

Skyburning · 07-09-2008, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sirk

Am I the only person on the planet who wouldn't give the slightest poop if I found out some other jizz made me?

No..we'll ride on that boat together.

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