Parents Forum

evilbrent · 10-05-2007, 08:37 AM

I don't want to have a discussion about which is right or wrong (well... I DO, but I can already tell that it wouldn't go well).

But what about a poll? It seems that more and more parents are seeing the need to work - for whatever reason - and fewer and fewer parents are able to, or willing to, choose to leave one parent at home.

What's your circumstances?

fallon · 10-05-2007, 08:45 AM

I stay home with my children. We made this choice when I was preg. with my son. It's struggle sometimes but we make do...I care for a little girl in my home 5 days a wk, clean my mom's house, and once in a while I fill in at the resterant I use to work at. With the cash I make from all that we have enough to enjoy things like outings and any extras we might want

BarbP · 10-05-2007, 09:04 AM

I stayed at home when the kids were really young. I did babysitting for extra money to make up the difference. I worked for awhile when the kids got a bit older, then my daughter hit preteens and got really wild! Had to quit and stay at home again to try to gain some control over her. I am now divorced and am a working mom (back to the same job I quit before). My kids are older now 22, 18 but still live at home with me. I was one of the lucky ones that had a job that understood that My kids came first and they hired me back when I was ready which was 3 1/2 years later. I'm in the process to transitioning back home again for good. Quitting the company and working online from home. I'm looking forward to babysitting my future grandchildren as my daughter is a school teacher. I don't want them with strangers. I want them with mom mom! lol

Kaytee · 10-05-2007, 09:41 AM

I hate teh WM and SAHM debate. to me if a mom wants to work, then she should be able to, if she doesn't I hope she can stay home. I feel bad for moms who work when they want to be home. Or dads excuse me.
I am a SAHM, to me it is the right place for my daughter. I think she will strive more with me then in a daycare setting.
We are on the closer side to poor. lol Not poor we have some things like internet, but we do struggle to pay are electric bill before it gets disconnected. We do it, but barely. I go without. I don't buy new clothes or new dishes because I don' tlike the ones we have. I don't go out and get pedicaures and things like that, though I wish I could! Hey who wouldn't?
Working is not really an option for me though. Even though I have a college degree it is in a field that requires continueing education and I am WAY behind on that. So the most I would make a job would be around 250-300 a week. Well the average daycare costs 200. That is just not worth it to me.

fallon · 10-05-2007, 09:58 AM

same here kaytee. With my dd I worked while she was in preschool, which was $565 a month so basically I worked to pay for that and had a couple hundred left to help pay things like internet and stuff. now I make a few hundred bucks a month doing things I can do while I'm w/ my kids, except when I full in at the resterant but Dh is with them and that's mommy's "grown up time" lol, I've known those people since before I had kids so it's more fun than work, the $ is a bonus. I feel that mom's should do what's best for their family, if that means they have to work...more power to them

BarbP · 10-05-2007, 10:16 AM

I have seen both sides of this with my two nieces that have children. As with any issue there are pros and cons to both. My youngest niece has two beautiful babies that she has no choice but to put in daycare. Her daughter is almost two and her son is almost one. Aparently she must have chosen a really good daycare because both babies are very happy and healthy. Despite having to work full time she has managed to do a great job with her kids. Now my other niece has a very different situation. She works and her husband raises there 3 year old (Katelyn) Although Katelyn doesn't quite have the social skills yet that my other nieces baby has, she is also a very happy and smart toddler. So to me, I don't personally think there is a clear cut right and wrong answer to this long time debate. Every situation is unique to each family and what works best for them. There have always been those certain people that are close minded and want to stand in judgement on this issue but to me I never gave that any mind. I always looked at it this way. I make my choices for my kids based on what I think is best and let those who want to judge have at it

fallon · 10-05-2007, 10:23 AM

I have a friend who never left her son's side...by the time he was 2 he was a total brat, she couldn't do anything and he was mean to everybody but his mom and dad (hitting, throwing things, bitting). They came over one day when he was about 3 and after about an hour of screaming he finally decided it was OK if mom wasn't in the room with him while he played with my dd, ten minutes w/o mom and he started throwing toy bins every where and totally distroying dd's room. when he saw his mom was playing with a baby I was watching at the time he actually walked over and stomped his foot on the baby. Anyways rigt after he turned 3 she decided to go back to school and put him into a preschool/daycare...his behavior improved almost right away once he was finally spending more time w/ other children. Daycare works well for some children

Abbi · 10-05-2007, 10:32 AM

I'm a SAHM and I think I'm going to continue. Right now it works for us. Eldest DIL is a SAHM too, but she's going to go back to work in a few months she thinks. I've already said I'll have the girls for her; it looks like I'll have them twice a week and they'll be in daycare for 3. That's what they think will work for their girls. People hit the nail on the head, it is down to each family.

hannah's mommy · 10-05-2007, 10:52 AM

I have done both, and I must say that I like working better. Not that I don't love spending time with my daughter - I loved staying home too. But I find that for our family, we thrive with routine. When I was staying home there was no real routine for the day.

Plus, I love my job! And me working allowed us the financial resources to put Hannah in a really, really good preschool - that she loved! Every so often I would take a PTO day and we would have Hannah and Mommy day, but other than that she genuinely loved preschool. I think that it was a great experience for her because she learned a lot and was able to expand her social awareness.

I liked staying home with her until she was preschool-age though, and hope to be able to do that with my next baby.

Kaytee · 10-05-2007, 11:37 AM

I know about the social thing but I think that has to do totally with the parents. Nichole is rarely at home. We have playgroups twiice a week with toddler her age, we started going when she was 8 or 9 months old. So she knows them well. We also have church twice a week where she goes to the nursery alone. Well not now since i started working in the nursery but... I leave her for one service to attend church.
She had horrible seperation anxiety as a baby and even as a younger toddler. She has grown out of that for the most part now. I never left her as a baby. She was breastfed exclusivly till she was 6 months old then started solids but still nursed after every feeding. My husband has only taken her out of th ehouse once by himself. NOw that is a totaaly different issue lol BUt he stays home with her and I leave now. My husband and I have only had two real date nights since she was born. Partly due to the fact we have no nearby relatives. His SIL watched her once and lives next door, but she works full t ime and goes to school full time so very busy girl.

I think if you work you need to make sure to have even more quality time with your child, if you stay home you still have to make sure you have quality time but its easier to find. You do have to make sure that they get socialized though

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