cbachinger

Hi evilbrent,

Many thanks for your most useful guidelines!

I have indeed noticed my original way of thinking and it had a very autocratic or even dictatorial nature.

I am making the changes now

BTW, previously in this thread, I was explained by Kaytee the harshness of the 'pepper on the tongue' event and I was explained a more child friendly way that will also teach them how to break certain bad habits. I also agreed on her points.

Thanks again

Christian

cbachinger

A preparatory review guide on 'Successful Parenting':

Children’s languages: English 1st language (Universal), German/Mother's native language as 2nd/3rd languages. I am mother tongue English and speak German as a second language; my father's family being Austrian. Should there be a language learning difficulty, English should at least prevail.
Do what is best for the individual family member.
Have family bonding evenings and weekends.

Spoil wife and kids once in a while. Ie. Take wife to romantic dinners periodically (leave nanny at home until kids are mature enough), take kids to fun places.

Being a good father:

Be more caring and easy to get close to:

1. The father needs to keep company of his children and know every side of them in order to form a close relationship.
2. The father can also show the tender side towards his children.
3. Participate more in the parent-child activities held by the children's schools so as to create more topics of talks of interest.
4. Show more comfort and concern to your children.

Show more admiration and acceptance:

1. Pay more attention to and show admiration for your children.
2. Respect the desires of your children and understand their difficulties.
3. Listen more to the views of your children.
4. Praise and confirm more of the achievements of your children and relieve unnecessary stress.
5. He's good at guiding his children to act appropriately.
6. He allows his kids to make some mistakes.
7. He's open-minded.
8. He teaches his children to appreciate things.
9. He accepts that his kids aren't exactly like him.
10. He spends quality time with his children.
11. He leads by example.
12. He's supportive & loyal.
13. He challenges his kids.
14. He teaches his children lessons.
15. He protects his family at all costs.
16. He shows unconditional love

Further Tips:

A ‘discipline = learning' policy must be established which will allow us to spend a good quality period guiding our child.

Every time we say anything, we should be prepared to justify ourselves. We should teach our children that it's ok to question everything. Obedience is an undesirable trait.

Teach respect and courteousness as soon as possible: with guests, family members, parents of friends.
Table manners apply.

Teach protection tips:
Don’t ever talk, walk or take rides with strangers, even if they offer you a ride home, a treat or tell you that they know your mom or dad. Either we will pick you up OR should we ask a family member or family friend that you know too to pick you up, we will tell you before we leave you, where and when. If there is public transport, at an agreed age for travelling alone.

**Once you are of a certain legal age for participating in certain activities, as long as they are not illegal, you are responsible for your own actions.** Teaches adult responsibilities.
Obey the law:
“Listen, we want you to obey the law. Certainly your mum and I are going to do so. We want you to trust us - if something happens we want you to come and talk to us, and we'll help you”.

Changes in mood/understanding due to teenage ‘growing up years’ will be dealt with in a mature and compromising way.

Encourage responsibility on children as soon as they are old enough, ie. voluntary jobs for pocket money. Ie. challenges.

The children to be told the truth at all times; go for or find out facts when you can. They should be taught that free thought is vastly more important than popular thought. Religion should be left completely out of the picture.
The children to be christened at least.

Encourage children to attend groups for mental, life and social development: martial art classes, musical instruments, cubs/brownies and boy scouts/girl scouts, ballroom dancing, reading a balance of fiction and non-fiction to develop GK and imagination.

WHYTEKNYGHT2003

well said, Kaytee

Kaytee

I am disappointed that you left religion out when you stated it was important to you before. If you are religious then you need to teach your child about your religion. Sure you can introduce other religions in the picture, but believe me when I say if you are Christian or jewish or Muslim or Wiccan it does not matter. If you believe in what ever religion you have then your child will greatly benefit from your teachings!!!

The language thing is also very neat, look into bi-ligual education. MOst things I have heard say that children raised from the beginning will learn both languages very well and easily at that. I have heard that in the beginning its about 50/50 that they will learn to say, then they mix up the language a bit, then they will be fluent in both! What a great gift to give your child. Even if you and your wife speak only English and all other family speaks German to your child. Very special there!

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

jtee

I agree with Kaytee, that teaching your children about your religion is very imporant thing for them to learn. They may, or may not, grow up to chose that as their personal faith, but knowing about your faith and traditions is a good thing.

The way we view the religion thing in our home, is we feel it is important that our daughter find a belief system that is right for her. Generally until children are in their mid teens, they don't have the ability to find it for themselves (or simply not ready yet). We feel it is a spiritual question that needs to be self discovered, not so much a religious question.

Kaytee

I agree, with you agreeing lol
Please teach your child about your religion.

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

fallon

I agree. If you have a true faith you need to share that with your children

cbachinger

Children’s languages: English 1st language (Universal), German/Mother's native language as 2nd/3rd languages. I am mother tongue English and speak German as a second language; my father's family being Austrian. Should there be a language learning difficulty, English should at least prevail.


Do what is best for the individual family member.
Have family bonding evenings and weekends.

Spoil wife and kids once in a while or when really appreciated. Ie. Take wife to romantic dinners once in a while and leave nanny at home until kids are mature/old enough, and take kids to fun places.

Being a good father:

Be more caring and easy to get close to:

1. The father needs to keep company of his children and know every side of them in order to form a close relationship.
2. The father can also show the tender side towards his children.
3. Participate more in the parent-child activities held by the children's schools so as to create more topics of talks of interest.
4. Show more comfort and concern to your children.

Show more admiration and acceptance:

1. Pay more attention to and show admiration for your children.
2. Respect the desires of your children and understand their difficulties.
3. Listen more to the views of your children.
4. Praise and confirm more of the achievements of your children and relieve unnecessary stress.
5. He's good at guiding his children to act appropriately.
6. He allows his kids to make some mistakes.
7. He's open-minded.
8. He teaches his children to appreciate things.
9. He accepts that his kids aren't exactly like him.
10. He spends quality time with his children.
11. He leads by example.
12. He's supportive & loyal.
13. He challenges his kids.
14. He teaches his children lessons.
15. He protects his family at all costs.
16. He shows unconditional love

Further Tips:

A ‘discipline = learning' policy must be established which will allow us to spend a good quality period guiding our child.

Every time we say anything, we should be prepared to justify ourselves. We should teach our children that it's ok to question everything. Obedience is an undesirable trait.

Teach respect and courteousness as soon as possible: with guests, family members, parents of friends.
Table manners apply.

Teach protection tips:
Don’t ever talk, walk or take rides with strangers, even if they offer you a ride home, a treat or tell you that they know your mom or dad. Either we will pick you up OR should we ask a family member or family friend that you know too to pick you up, we will tell you before we leave you, where and when. If there is public transport, at an agreed age for travelling alone.

**Once you are of a certain legal age for participating in certain activities, as long as they are not illegal, you are responsible for your own actions.** Teaches adult responsibilities.
Obey the law:
“Listen, we want you to obey the law. Certainly your mum and I are going to do so. We want you to trust us - if something happens we want you to come and talk to us, and we'll help you”.

Changes in mood/understanding due to teenage ‘growing up years’ will be dealt with in a mature and compromising way.

Encourage responsibility on our children as soon as they are old enough, ie. voluntary jobs for pocket money. Ie. challenges.

Religion should be seen as free, fair and open as possible and not constricted by stubborn laws. The children to be told the truth at all times; go for or find out facts when you can. They should be taught that free thought is vastly more important than popular thought.
We should raise our child in our own religion that we already have good experience in.
The children to be christened at least.

Encourage children to attend groups for mental, life and social development: martial art classes, musical instruments, cubs/brownies and boy scouts/girl scouts, ballroom dancing, reading a balance of fiction and non-fiction to develop GK and imagination.

hoplessromantic1986

What would you guys say if one parent had a horrible experience with religion and prefers not to subject their child to it however the other parent would like their child to know religion. Where is the line drawn, and do you think there can be an agreement between husband/wife that would satisfy both?
Possibly let the child find religion on their own with no influance from the parents unless requested, if they so choose to follow it then support them?

__________________
"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for a reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." -Albert Einstein
" I contend we are both atheist. I just believe in one fewer god then you do. When you understand why you dismiss all other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss your god." -Stephen Roberts

jtee

The ideal is that a couple would work this out before getting married if they plan to have children, along with many other issues that can created parenting and marriage conflicts. With that said, the reality is a lot does not get discussed until it becomes an issue of disagreement. Most parents work these issues out.

We do not attend any church, but we do allow our daughter to go church\Sunday school with her friends. Our particular believe is to allow our daughter to be exposed a variety of religions, become educated in their customs, and decide for herself. At the moment she is following our lead in that she doesn't subscribe to any particular religion, but at 11 she's not really made any true decision, she is just adopting what we think, which at her age is typical. We encourage her find what is best for her. As she gets older she is likely to find that a believe system resonates with her.