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08-13-2008, 01:49 PM
| #1 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 19
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 878   |
In a nutshell... this is what I am going threw. I will give you quick history as concise as possible. I met a girl - she had a 6 month old baby girl. We fell in lust (thought it was love, but it wasn't). I told myself I will be the father of the baby girl and husband to this woman. We get together, she cheats on me. We split up for a few months and then get back together. We get pregnant, get married and have a son together. She cheats on me again and now we are getting a divorce. I begged her and begged her to stay with me, she is leaving. My problem now is everyone in my life is telling me I need to take my son and run!!! They think that I should abandon her daughter from the previous marriage and move on with my life and my son. Well... I CAN'T DO THAT!!!! I don't think it is right for the little girl. But everyone is telling me the opposite. I need help and advice in any way shape or form. What would you do? What is morally right? What is better for the little girl? Other notes... I have not adopted the daughter. Her biological father has been to prison for attempted murder for 10 years and is a drug addict. Her mom will never let him see her and he never tries to come in her life. My ex says she wants me to be the father no matter what happens with us. If I missed anything in order to help you give me better advice, ask and I will tell you anything. I seriously need help deciding what to do. My heart says I cannot leave this child. What do I do? | ||
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VERY SERIOUS issue... I need help\advice BADLY. |
08-13-2008, 02:02 PM
| #2 | ||
| CrowdGather Staff  Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 937
Rep Power: 658 Reputation: 15899 Children: Lita - 8, Anya - 3 |
If you mean take him and run like fleeing... no. That could only end badly. If you want to keep being there for the innocent little girl who calls you daddy, then good for you! You're better than most men! The grownups make choices and put themselves in this situation. Now you get to deal with it. The kids are innocent and didn't ask for any of this. I say keep being her daddy. Of course Mama will prob replace you with a 3rd guy, but at least you'll have done the right thing. You can't control what she does.
__________________ Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. - Mother Teresa http://www.crowdgather.com http://www.flickr.com/groups/parentingforums/ | ||
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08-13-2008, 02:02 PM
| #3 | ||
| Super Moderator  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,461
Rep Power: 1353 Reputation: 30899 Children: 2 children, Debra Lyn, and Logan (Bubba) Michael |
I think it's best for the kids if you stay and be a father to both of them. If you and your wife have to split do it has fair as possible and please consider though children know more about what's going on around them then you think. Try for their sake to respect eachother as much as you can and settle things as easily as possible
__________________  Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult | ||
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08-13-2008, 02:13 PM
| #4 | |||
| Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 19
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 878 |
Quote:
 They just mean take him and raise him and try to get full custody. I would never flee.And I agree. I really don't think I could sleep at night if I abandon this little girl. You are right too Fallon. It is not the kids fault. And she loves me so much. I honestly think she loves me more then her mother. | |||
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08-13-2008, 02:19 PM
| #5 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,033
Rep Power: 887 Reputation: 21599 Children: Delaney, 4 years old |
I agree with the above, but be prepared for heartache. Its a good chance that mom will replace you with the 3rd, and you'll be booted out of the child's life. I really hope that doesn't happen, but be prepared.
__________________ ----Proud Papa of Delaney Maria, my angel------  | ||
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08-13-2008, 02:47 PM
| #6 | |||
| Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 19
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 878 |
Quote:
yeah. My friends mentioned that. I told myself that I am prepared to take that on if and when it happens. I know she will meet another man. She met one while we were married! I think she is living with him now. I told her this though, I asked her. I said "what if you meet another man and he wants our daughter to be in his life?" She told me that I am her daughters father no matter what happens to us and she wouldn't let another man be the father. But she has proven to be not trustworthy (with cheating on me twice and all) so yeah. I am not too sure I believe her. But I am willing to take that risk. This little girl needs me in her life. | |||
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08-13-2008, 04:08 PM
| #7 | ||
| PF Fanatic  Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: melba, Idaho
Posts: 222
Rep Power: 177 Reputation: 4270 Children: Son(17),DD(16),Son(16),DD(15),Son(7), DD(4),Son(2 years) |
I agree with everyone else, but put it in your divorce decree that you get time with the little girl. GOOD FOR YOU FOR STILL WANTING TO BE THERE!!!!!
__________________  Jennifer, mom to some wonderful kids! | ||
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08-13-2008, 04:25 PM
| #8 | ||
| PF Enthusiast Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: London, UK
Posts: 147
Rep Power: 71 Reputation: 1500 Children: 2 boys and 2 girls |
If you and your wife split then thats fair enough, but please don't just take your son and run. Your kids deserve to see both parents regardless of what you think of each other. Its great to see someone take on another mans child for his own. If you are who she knows Daddy as, then I would say carry on being in her life. Her father may have helped create her, but you have been there for her, loved her and raised, and thats worth so much more
__________________ Anna, 30, married to Barry, 31, since 06/01/07, Mummy to: Mum to 4 pretty awesome kids, 7, 4, 2 and 5 months | ||
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08-14-2008, 05:19 AM
| #9 | ||
| PF Fanatic  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Japan
Posts: 441
Rep Power: 270 Reputation: 6418 Children: Two girls, Alenya is two and a half and Kaitlyn is a newborn. |
I think it's great that you want to take responsiblity for both kids, even though things with your wife didn't go well. I really admire you for that. I also don't think it would be wise to take your son and run. If the little girl has come to know you as a father it wouldn't be fair to her. I'm sure the divorce will be enough on her and this extra stress wouldn't be healthy for her.
__________________ Ali - Mommy to Alenya and Kaitlyn | ||
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08-17-2008, 02:24 AM
| #10 | |||
| PF Regular Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Philippines
Posts: 31
Rep Power: 16 Reputation: 345 Children: I have 2 children, a girl and a boy. |
Quote:
I strongly suggest that you do first things first, divorce then adoption. Hope you solve your problem soon.
__________________ [i][b]Children are angels in disguise! | |||
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