Parents Forum

gr8mom · 03-14-2008, 07:46 PM

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I recall an instance at McDonalds one day... there was a number of kids in there... loud.. swearing .. unruly ... throwing food. I asked them twice, nicely, as it was a family area and there were families with kids around ... and I even said please ... after being told to F### myself... I removed the kids from the restaurant ... and got an applause .. not that I need nor look for one .. but when the staff wont even do something ...who will ??

Something puzzles me. If the reason the kids left was because there is just something about you makes people feel intimidated, then why didn't they feel intimidated the first time you spoke to them? Or the second? If it's your appearance that intimidated them then they wouldn't have dared tell you to F yourself. Just curious on this one.

evilbrent · 03-14-2008, 08:21 PM

whenever I see something like "If you yell at my kids then you'll have ME to answer to" I read "My kid can be annoying brats and be rude to people and totally get away with it so just put up with it and quietly wait for them to stop infuriating you."

I'm sorry people, but if I'm at the cinema and the punk 14 yr old behind me is talking and laughing through all the wrong parts of the movie, while their parents are ignoring them, I'm going to turn around and direct my comments to the children, and I'm not going to be timid about it. If you don't want your kids being told off for being *****heads in public then A: don't have kids who are ****heads, or B: watch them yourself.

The rest of us aren't interested in dealing with it for you.

musicmom · 03-14-2008, 08:25 PM

****heads??? Nice.

Aunt · 03-14-2008, 09:22 PM

I think everyone is being just a little harsh on the shut up lady. She did not beat the kid, she simply had a weak moment of frustration. A naughty child being told to shut up is hardly going to be scarred for life!
Having said that I think lecturing strangers on how to raise their kids is unreasonably judgmental and asking for trouble. If my kid had been the noisemaker I would have told them in front of the offended adult that the lady was cross becasue their behavior was crude and then had them apologise. I would then send them out of ear shot and say something in a humorous fashion to let her know i dont like the kid being told to shut up. Something like this;
"I am sorry that my kid decided to be obnoxious. His father swears and farts like a sailor so monkey see monkey do. Were trying to work on this so that when he leaves for college I may have an outside chance of leaving the house with him and not being mortified. it would make my job really easy if the next time he does this you could tell him without swearing that he is disturbing you.

hwnorth · 03-14-2008, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gr8mom

Something puzzles me. If the reason the kids left was because there is just something about you makes people feel intimidated, then why didn't they feel intimidated the first time you spoke to them? Or the second? If it's your appearance that intimidated them then they wouldn't have dared tell you to F yourself. Just curious on this one.

I guess you would have to see me in person to know the diff between my smiling happy side and when Ive had enough. As well if you follow the posts you will see that I mention its not just looks, its how I hold and carry myself.

(picturing Quasi and laughing)

hwnorth · 03-14-2008, 11:03 PM

EVILBRENT - *applause*

Teresa · 03-15-2008, 07:59 AM

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Originally Posted by hwnorth

Teresa - let me say again that there was no parents there... and there wasnt anything "physical" ... the children were escorted out of the building ... just like they do at any place that has security... The people running the place were a few women who were obviously scared and feared doing anything. I really dont give a rats WHOS child it is or how good of parent thy think they are .. when a child it tossing food etc around and telling others to F### OFF ... then by all means call the police ... at that point I would be looking at ones parenting skills and not how bad the big man was who showed our child what respect is all about.

Okay, I sort of see your point. But, none of MY children would have been alone at McDonald's at the age of ten, or twelve, or even fourteen. I'm just old-fashioned and overprotective like that. THAT'S why I was getting so upset over your behavior. In the situation you were in, I would have reported it to the manager...and if that didn't work, then I would have called the police to report a public disturbance, then let the parents deal with the call to come pick up their juvenile deliquents.

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Why is it that your parenting skills HAVE to be respected, and my personal boundaries dont? .. what gives another the right for force their values and respect, or lack there of, on me?

Then what give YOU the right to force YOUR values and respect on others? It's a two way street, isn't it?

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I get the feeling, as I posted above .. that many are posting in here for the simple fact of an argument and the "no one will ever touch my child cause Im a perfect mother/father" .... news flash ... NONE of us are perfect .. and once in a while a little tune up is in order

Newsflash....when my kids need a tune up, I'M the one giving it, not some stranger who doesn't know jack about our family or our lives.

Kaytee · 03-15-2008, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aunt

I think everyone is being just a little harsh on the shut up lady. She did not beat the kid, she simply had a weak moment of frustration. A naughty child being told to shut up is hardly going to be scarred for life!
Having said that I think lecturing strangers on how to raise their kids is unreasonably judgmental and asking for trouble. If my kid had been the noisemaker I would have told them in front of the offended adult that the lady was cross becasue their behavior was crude and then had them apologise. I would then send them out of ear shot and say something in a humorous fashion to let her know i dont like the kid being told to shut up. Something like this;
"I am sorry that my kid decided to be obnoxious. His father swears and farts like a sailor so monkey see monkey do. Were trying to work on this so that when he leaves for college I may have an outside chance of leaving the house with him and not being mortified. it would make my job really easy if the next time he does this you could tell him without swearing that he is disturbing you.

Well said Aunt. I aree 100%

Ari2 · 03-15-2008, 12:44 PM

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. One reason is an essay I read a few months ago in the New York Times Sunday Magazine about this very subject. The author wondered if we as a society are missing out on something when we don't allow others in the community to correct our kids. But she concluded that she still wouldn't want a stranger admonishing her kids.

I could see situations in which I would be fine with a stranger correcting my kids. But for me to not object the stranger would have to address my kids in a way that wasn't harsh or intimidating. This takes out anything with the phrase "shut up" or any degree of physicality. I don't talk to or treat my or other people's kids this way and disagree strongly when a stranger does this to a child. It is also ineffective: the kid is going to learn more about the scariness of strangers than a lesson in manners. (Did you and your young friends ever get corrected by an unknown adult in public and just think "what an old crank!"? I know I did.)

I don't think my kids are perfect, and I doubt any parent here believes their children are flawless either. I also know that I'm not a perfect parent, so a person surely could find room for improvement in any given moment. But there is a difference between gently admonishing a kid ("Please stop talking - I'm trying to watch this movie") and criticizing a person's parenting, which is way too personal and emotional for most people to tolerate from anyone, much less a stranger in public.

Everyone has seen kids acting horribly with their parents. I try to remind myself that all parents and kids have their really hard moments and that I don't know what challenges this family faces on a daily basis. Maybe the kid usually is great in public but is not feeling well or is having a bad day. Maybe the family is on the edge and just barely getting by. It's easy to throw criticism at people when you have no idea what their lives are like. I have a nephew with ADHD and Asperger's. He is a very sweet, well-meaning kid, but his behavior in public isn't always so great. But hard words or intimidation from a stranger won't do anything but make him less outgoing with people than he already is and it certainly won't improve his behavior.

I've gotten completely frustrated and pissed at other people's kids, alone or with their parents. That's life as an adult. And I am the adult, not the bratty-acting kids behaving like rabid monkeys, and I need to remember that.

As for the McD's situation, I would talk to the manager. She could have had plenty of authority, regardless of her stature. This is part of her job, unfortunately, and she should be trained on how to address such behavior.

Kaytee · 03-15-2008, 12:52 PM

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ot the bratty-acting kids behaving like rabid monkey,

sorry I have to lol here

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