knourian

My daughter who will be turning 3 at the end of this month does and always has done great at daycare. She plays real well with other kids and listens to the teacher and participates in all activities. She does great when we have play dates as well. We did swimming lessons this past summer and I was in the water with her and she cried during the whole 3 weeks of classes but did everything real well that the teacher wanted her to do. I was concerned that she cried but the others kids didn't and was told that some kids don't like the water. Fine... now, she loves to dance so I signed her up for dance class and her best friend is in the class with her. The class is once a week at 6:30 pm for an hour. She got all excited about going and getting in her ballet shoes and outfit but once she got in the class room she cried and asked for me. The first time she went back a few more times, then came back out asking for me. Last week she cried even more so we left 1/2 way thru. Today she was all excited about going again and once she got in the class she asked me again and was crying, so I left. I even tried to trick her like I was dropping her off at school and that I was going to pick her up once class was over, thinking that maybe I was the problem since I was there.. it didn't work. Her teacher told me that she came to her daycare on Friday and did a demo and that my daughter danced and did a great job. So now what? Should I pull her out? Maybe she isn't ready for it? Then again her friend is doing great at the class and why is my kid crying at every class for dance or swimming, is it because I am there?
HELP!!!

Kaytee

well I do not have ac hild in daycare or activites yet, but I have a few friends that do.
What I think may be causing the problems is seperation anxiety. Your daughter is use to daycare, she has been there for a long time ( I am assuming here) and it is comfortable to her. Now she may be afraid you are going to leave her where she is not comfortable. Plus the age is a big thing. She is 3, she is still a toddler not a kid ya know? I would go with her to these classes and show her you are watching and she can have fun still.

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Tau

I know that at three her vocabulary isn't extensive - but have you asked her why she cries?

knourian

I asked her why she cried last week and she said because I want my mommy. I asked her why she cried last night and she said because I don't like this class, I like the one at school. But at the same time she keeps telling me that she wants to go back!?

Tau

Were I in your shoes, I would keep talking with her. Discover what the difference is between the class at school and the class at the studio.

If it comes down to being in a safe place - find out if there are compromises. What if you have the teacher over for dinner, if you sit in the class in the back, etc... What would make her feel safe? (and ask her that)

If she continues to stress that nothing will help, then let her know that its up to her, but then she will lose the class. Give her the power to choose, and it might be enough to brave it out.

Otherwise I would keep her home until shes old enough to try things alone. I believe its potentially damaging to push kids into situations they aren't ready for. Continue to give them the opportunity, talk about the pros and cons, and they will set the course that is the most appropriate for them.

YMMV.

fallon

I went through the same thing when my dd was 3, she kept saying she wanted to go to swimming and than once we got there she didn't want to be there anymore, turned out it was the teacher she didn't like, the next section of swimming was with a different girl and she loved every minute of. The 1st teacher was not really patient and compationate with the kids, she was more into teaching older children and it showed in the way she interacted with the 3 yr olds.

FooserX

My son was the same with T ball. He would be so excited, but then on the day of, he'd rather just be home playing.

I don't know what this particular problem is, but the one thing I am enforcing with my kids is that we don't quit once we make a commitment to do things. If we sign up to do something, we're going to stick it out. Sometimes he'll start building a lego plane with the instructions, and then after 5 minutes, he wants to do something else because it's a challenge. I don't let him, and encourage him to keep plugging away. By the end, he's so happy he finished.

I know this isn't REALLY related to the dance, but in a way it is because I don't think parents should let their kids quit activities....I think it teaches them a bad lesson about commitments.

Tau

Foos -

I share the same position as you do - but I guess I feel a bit differently about it when fear is involved.

FooserX

Yeah, at that age there are a few kinks in that logic. :-)

My son is 4, so he's a bit more mature and understanding. At 3, I doubt he would have learned much...I was just throwing it out there.

Kaytee

I agree 3 is so vastly different then a 4 year old. But Fooser is right that is good to teach a child not to quit.

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