fallon

You're right fooser, I am grumpy today...still feeling ill

As for the point you are making...I understand that this situation isn't ideal but it happens, and nobody really needs you to tell them that. It's painful for everyone involved and any descent person who has been though a situation like this isn't about to rush out and have it happen again, notice I said descent, some people are just stupid and think only of their own desires.

Now on to the personal attacks...you have such a way about you...I've actually come to appreciate your personality. The thing is in order to fully understand your points most of the time people have to look past your rude comments to figure out what exactly your really trying to say. I think there is a time and a place for everything. This guy is clearly hurt by what has happened and wants what's best for his dd, he doesn't need to hear "don't do it again". I'm sure after this pain he won't be jumping into unprotected sex with anybody. If you would like to debate single parenting we could head over to the debate forum and have it out w/ no hard feelings, that's what it's there for right

Terrible2

thanks for the replies everyone (including fooser lol). Theres no question I plan to be in her as much as possible (or allowed to by the ex). We will work together even though it may get a little heated sometimes. I definitely won't allow arguments to erupt in front of her. I will not say anything negative about my ex to my daughter b/c she will end up losing respect for her and vice versa (I just hope my ex does the same). She has an upcoming birthday which I'll be taking care of and plan to for the rest of her birthdays. Special occasions are a given ... I plan to be there a lot more than that. It sux that this is happening, but it is for the better. Don't want her to get those daughter "lack of a father" features to develop later in life so I'll be there =)

fallon

sounds like you 2 will do just fine. Don't think you have to settle for what the mom will allow though, you have rights too. I would suggest going to court and hashing all that out asap

Kaytee

Just because a father is not in the household doesn't mean that he is not in her life. I did not live with my dad till I was 13 and believe me I had a father. He drove over an hour every week to see me cheer, then would come back out to pick me up every weekend. He was involved regardless of where he lived and I lived.

Also Fooser, would it better for this man to live with the GF and they fight and cannot get along? Wouldn't that be a lovely life for the child? Many couple even married ones end up not getting along anymore. Many marriages that are for 10-20 years end up getting divorced at some point. Not ideal by any means. No one wants it but it happens and sometimes for the best.

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FooserX

>>>>Just because a father is not in the household doesn't mean that he is not in her life. I did not live with my dad till I was 13 and believe me I had a father. He drove over an hour every week to see me cheer, then would come back out to pick me up every weekend. He was involved regardless of where he lived and I lived.


Involved every weekend or on nights you cheer? I'm talking about a dad who is there everyday to deal with everyday issues, teach everyday lessons, and set everyday examples.


>>>Also Fooser, would it better for this man to live with the GF and they fight and cannot get along?

I don't know. I know loving someone is a decision. He liked her well enough to make a baby. I'm just saying there is a lot maturity and hard work will overcome. Even for happy couples...marriage is work! Don't you agree? I'm 2 years into my marriage, and I swear...the first year and a half was hell. I had divorce papers printed up...we were fighting everyday...it was horrible. We pushed through it, and now we are very happy.

I think a lot of couples give up and quit because finding someone new and exciting is much more appealing and easy than working things out with someone who they have known for a while.

The second a person decides to have unprotected sex in a non-committed relationship, they really forgo any rights to personal happiness as far as I'm concerned. Now it's time to put the kids' well being #1...and their best interest is to have a dad who will be there everyday, not just weekends. They don't need dating partners coming and going, and two sets of house rules for the separate families.

Basically, leaving the family is saying "well, my happiness is more important that my child having a stable mom and dad to bring her up" If a person doesn't want to be in that situation, they shouldn't be having sex then. And please don't say it's a mistake, and we all make them. Falling down is a mistake. Locking your keys in the car is a mistake. Making a baby is a conscious decision.

fallon

a child can never be truly happy if they are in a home that isn't with parents who aren't

FooserX

No one is arguing that Fallon.

I'm just saying it takes a lot of work on both the parents end to makes sure it IS a happy household. It's a choice by the parents.

fallon

I understand that, but sometimes no matter how hard you try things just can't work out. And sometimes one isn't willing to try hard enough. Things aren't always as cut and dry as we would like them to be

Cherry

There's a big difference between not having a father living in the house and not having a father active in a child's life. It is possible to co-parent with an ex without living in the same environment. It all comes down to making a commitment to your child and being there for her. It means her having the ability to contact you at ANY time when she needs you. it means you taking time to get to know her and keep reminding her as she grows that you love her. It means supporting her, not just financially, in her endevors. It means keeping any gripes between you and her mother between just you and her mother.

My ex moved out of the house when our kids were small. And despite our differences, we've never let that interfere with the love and happiness of our children. While we don't love each other, we BOTH love the children and make the most effort possible to see those kids grow up happy and healthy.

jtee

Fooser, if you do not have constructive advice, please stay out of threads in the general forums.

General threads are not debate threads. If you want to debate this issue, start a new thread in the debate forum. Your overall behavior in the open forums (those topics outside of the debate forum) is counter productive attracting new parents to ParentingForums.org.

You can also send private message to individuals as another way of discussing parenting with specific individuals about their styles.