Parents Forum

paul · 08-26-2007, 08:02 PM

My 3 yr old will not mind me like she will my wife. I know that it's because of the way I've been inconsistent with discipline and how I treat her, but I was wondering if anyone has suggestions on how to get it back under control.

During the day, I can just ignore her tantrums and that seems to work ok, but at night, she needs to go to sleep so I feel like I can't just ignore her. She's a wreck and so are my wife and I. I've tried the Super Nanny technique of putting her back to bed without giving her any attention, but she hasn't learned the lesson in over two months of doing that every single night. We took her pacifier away the other night and I'm sure that also weighs into what's going on now, but she went to bed fine for a baby sitter last night so I know she can do it. She just knows that we'll give in if she screams enough.

We also have a 1yr old sleeping in the room next to hers which is why we're reluctant to just let her scream and ignore her. I thought about putting a lock on her door so that she can't come out, but my wife doesn't want to do that.

Thanks,

Paul

fallon · 08-26-2007, 08:58 PM

I think the lock is probably not going to make things better but does she have a bedtime routine that you follow with her? Charts always seemed to work when we have problems with my daughters behavior. If an issue comes up, most recently it was whinning, I make a pretty sticker chart and tape it up somewhere. I explain to her the "rules", she gets a check everytime she whins, there is a set "punishment" for each amount of checks, they go from timeout up to earyly bedtime if she goes the day w/o a punishment she gets a sticker, after so many stickers she gets a treat. (I actually made her a breakfast sundae one morning because she had done so well) Anyways, I'm not sure if this helps much but the charts work wonders for us. With the whinning problem it only took about a week and half to end the problem. We usually just change the "rules" to fit the situation

Kaytee · 08-27-2007, 05:42 AM

I would also sugest a routine and STICK TO IT. I am not a cry it out parent but who knows what I would do if mine was 3. Let her scream if that is what you are used to. Who ccares if she wakes the one year old up. She will be sleeping better after a few night and so will the baby.

Also you may want to check out a book called "No Cry Sleep Solutions" if you google it you will find it. It addressses older toddlers like this as well

fallon · 08-27-2007, 06:27 AM

as far as waking up your 1yr old, she might not. My children share a room and when the baby cries my daughter doesn't even stir. I've heard this is true of a lot of children so I wouldn't really worry about it.

Kaytee · 08-27-2007, 07:53 AM

I have heard that as well.

fallon · 08-27-2007, 08:55 AM

it really is amazing. They did a story a while back on the news about young kids not waking up from the sound of a smoke detector, that's scarey, almost all the kids slept right throught the sound

Kaytee · 08-27-2007, 09:36 AM

yeah, they sell new ones now that allow you to record your voice onto them. They say kids will respond to their parents voices quicker then an alarm.

tater03 · 08-27-2007, 10:36 AM

I always said it was the terrible 3's and not the 2's. But I had this problem when my son was three also. We finally put one of those gates across the door and he would get out and scream at the gate and we would ignore him. It took a couple of weeks but then he figured out that we were not going to let him dictate to us. Yes, he also had a younger brother in the next room also and he to slept through the majority of this.

fallon · 08-27-2007, 05:14 PM

I also put a baby gate at my daughter's door to keep her in when she went in to a toddler bed, mainly to keep her safe but it might also help your problem, I hadn't thought of that

paul · 08-28-2007, 08:10 AM

Thanks for all the replies! I think we're just stressed out because we did not have a plan going in to the project of taking her pacifier away. I was pretty naive about it and thought it would go much more smoothly than it has. It took me an hour and a half to get her to sleep last night. After she took everything off her bed and cried for about 30 minutes as I repeatedly put her in her bed and shut the door, she finally started to get exhausted so I went in an re-made her bed, then she finally went to sleep. She seems to be more willing to fall asleep if the door is open so I think I'll try that tonight. We do have a strict bedtime routine that we've followed for the past year since she moved into her own room and out of the crib, it's when the routine ends and it's time for her to go to sleep that the problem starts. I think I'm also going to work some more physical activity for her into our early evening plans so that she's more physically tired at bed time.

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