stepmother22

as most of you would know from my recent forums i have a 3 year old step son who we have every other 7 days (7x7) .. i just found out that we are expecting another boy, im 5 months pregnant and also work full time (8-5 mon-fri) my stepson stays with this grandmother while we work, he always has since he was born, im not too fond of how she has raised him, he is very jealous when it comes to her, she does not disipline him and when she does, he doesnt listen and she ends up giving in anyways, when i correct in front of her she gets very mad and emotional and states that it hurts her feelings to hear him cry for her, of course he is crying for her, im fusing him, he will cry for anyone around that could help him lol,, in my defense when i say fuse, i do raise my voice but i rarly spank... anyways, she has 2 other grandchildren and if they want something, or if she gives them attention over my stepson, he crys, screams, hits them and bits them, im scared that when baby is born, if i let her babysit, what will happen when baby is crying for bottle and stepson wants a juice or to go outside, when grandmoms picks baby up, what will my stepson do ?? if he hits and bites the other children, how do i know he wont do that to the baby ?? im not worry about how he will act in our house, because he doesnt fight for our attention, even when other children are around, but when he is with her, he is too jealous,, i am thinking of putting baby in daycare, but that will be so out of the way, to drop one off at daycare and the other at grandmaws.. does anyone else have a jealous child like this ?? with them or grandmaw ?

NiallNai

While I only have one child and do not have any of the issues that you are dealing with, my only bit of advice is to start priming him now for the older brother role. Try to make him as much a part of this event as possible. I'm not saying that you should tell him of his responsibilities. I'm saying to make him involved so that he doesn't feel like he is on the outside of it. It may be a little harder since he spends half his time with you and half elsewhere.

I'm sure others have more experience with this than I do as far as how to do it. I think that if you make him a part of it. That it isn't just you and your husband having the child but that he is also gaining.

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1dayatatime

I have just about the same age difference and my DD is my stepdaughter. I did my best to never leave them alone together when my son was an infant. She had been ruff but not dangerous to him untill recently. I do allow them to be alone together more so now then before but hes 1 now. She also very jealous. She has only caused him to get hurt once. My DH and I made a HUGE deal out of it and she has been more careful/avoids her baby brother now. Our situation has many variables. If grandma is not backing you up I would not consider it "safe" to let her watch the baby and the older child. My opinion only.

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Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

1dayatatime

We did that stuff too. We included her in everything we could.

__________________
Common sense is not so common. -Voltaire
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anthing.

Trina

How many babies/kids does Grandma care for? Sounds like she may have more than she can handle. Not a situation I'd feel comfortable bringing another baby into.

My kids are 22 mos. apart, and I never left them together unsupervised until they were older. Even when one of us (DH or I) were present they still needed to be watched very carefully. A toddler/preschooler doesn't know how to be gentle, and could hurt the baby simply by trying to play or by running by the bouncy seat, bumping into it, etc..

I agree it's a good idea to prepare your SS about becoming a big brother. Many hospitals have sibling classes. Talk about "our baby" and give him small jobs to make him feel special. There are lots of books for kids about becoming an older sibling.

Read up on common issues that pop up when a new baby enters the family. Normal sibling stuff, but it helps to be prepared.

SIBLING RIVALRY

sibling rivalry & baby

stepmother22

yes i plan on signing him up for siblings classes in june or july,, my due date is Aug, i want it to be closer to then so that he knows its coming, grandmaw keeps just him, but she has 2 other grandchildren she keeps before and after school, ages 10 and 7,, we are about to start fixing the babies room and someone told me to let him help,, so i plan on lettin him paint something in there" although i know what it will look like lol" and letting him help me wash the babies clothes, and pick it up,, and even helpin me pick out a design for baby brother,, im just scared of how it will act with her,, he isn't spoiled for anyone the way he is with her,, its almost like she is the mom,, but i agree with everything,, i think she is too busy to care for a newborn,, he will be 3 months when i come back to work, so i think i will just inrole him in daycare

musicmom

AnKsMommy

My daughters are two and a half years apart. I can leave them alone together for SHORT periods of time. As in I'm in another room cooking and they'll sit together.

It's hard at first, but I think the classes will help. I found that watching some "older sibling" videos about how to take care of babies helped. Alenya was so excited to see babies, we got her a baby doll too that she could play with. So whenever I had Kaitlyn she would have her baby. I see that your stepson is a boy but you can still get him a doll. My friend has a son and he had a doll for "practice".

Don't force him whenever baby does get there, when he's curious let him look but don't force him. With the grandmother I wouldn't know if I would let her watch the new baby. If she's already got three and your step son is always getting his way then I would question her ability to handle another one. Plus, newborns need LOTS of attention. There may be times when she'll need to be firm with him, does she think she can handle that? Have you talked to her about these questions?

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Ali - Mommy to Alenya and Kaitlyn