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11-19-2007, 12:34 PM
| #1 | ||
| PF Visionary Join Date: Sep 2007
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I just started working 2 days a week (it used to be only 1 day). Oliver cries and screams every time I leave. It makes me feel like what I'm doing is wrong. I hate having to work. If it were up to me, I'd stay home all the time. It just seems like I'm always leaving and I think maybe he thinks that way too. Is my leaving 2 days a week going to harm him psychologically?
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silly question |
11-19-2007, 12:44 PM
| #2 | ||
| PF Fiend  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 827
Rep Power: 144 Reputation: 2931   Children: Hannah, age 6 |
No. He is just at an age where he gets separation anxiety. You leaving can be healthy - he learns to rely on the fact that you'll always come back! Adjustments are just always hard, and even the slightest change in routine can be an adjustment. Don't worry, it will get better. | ||
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Re: silly question |
11-19-2007, 12:47 PM
| #3 | ||
| PF Visionary Join Date: Sep 2007
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Maybe it's just me struggling again with my perhaps distorted and old fashioned beliefs that moms should be home with their children. Maybe that's why I feel so wrong leaving him. 
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11-19-2007, 12:57 PM
| #4 | ||
| Super Moderator  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Texas
Posts: 7,167
Rep Power: 940 Reputation: 19656 Children: Nichole |
most likely that is why you feel wrong. You are not doing it because yo don't want to be with your baby, you need to. He will be okay in the long run. He is having serperation anxiety all you can do is stay positive. When it is time to leave, tell him you are leaving and kiss him and hug him and leave. Do not dwaddle or drag it out it will only upset him more. Good luck
__________________  If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them! http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com | ||
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11-24-2007, 02:02 AM
| #5 | ||
| PF Addict  Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,224
Rep Power: 54 Reputation: 599 Children: Isabella (9), Josephine (8), Hannah (5), and Natalia (7 months) |
He will be okay. Just give him some extra loves and leaving does let him know you will always come back.
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12-13-2007, 07:03 PM
| #6 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1
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Oliver just wants to make sure that you are not abandoning him, which you are not. Do not feel bad about leaving him for only two days out of the week. First off, I would make sure that the environment that you are leaving him in is one in which he feels comfortable and safe. If it is a childcare center, stay for a few minutes and play with him, showing him that you feel safe there. Introduce him to the other children, and workers. Familiarize him with the different activities in the facility, and find what interests him. This way, he does not feel like he has been left in a strange environment, but one in which he is familiar. If he has a cubby, put a picture of you or the rest of the family in the cubby, so he can look at it when he feels alone. If there is something you carry with you all of the time, such as a purse, leave it with him. For example, bring an extra purse of yours that he recognizes, and tell him, “Mommy never goes anywhere without her purse. Hold on to it for me, and I will come back in a little while to get it from you, and we will go home together.” Children see value in objects, more than they see in themselves. If appropriate for his developmental stage, tell him that you’ll be back in the time it takes for him to watch a certain number of episodes of his favorite show. Such as, “I’ll be back in five spongebobs.” | ||
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12-13-2007, 08:04 PM
| #7 | ||
| Banned Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,914
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 25505 Children: One boy 8, twin girls 7. |
He will be OK as soon as he realizes that mommy does come back. Don't make your good-byes long. Even if he starts crying. Make them short and sweet and go. You could even give him a blanket and spray it lightly with your perfume. It will make him feel safe. You won't scar you child I promise.  Wait till kindergarten. I was sick for two weeks missing my babies and allowing someone else to be with them. I hated that. | ||
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01-09-2008, 01:05 PM
| #9 | ||
| Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New York
Posts: 11
Rep Power: 0 Reputation: 10 Children: 2 sweet little boys 3 and 1 |
he will be okay. It is normal to have seperation anxiety. Especially if you have never left him that much before. I used to have to sneak out without my youngest son seeing me. If he didnt see me leave he was fine. If he did he would cry. They evenually will get use to it. Each child is different. Its hard though. I would cry when I left at first because I felt guilty.
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01-13-2008, 12:08 PM
| #10 | ||
| PF Enthusiast Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: AZ
Posts: 91
Rep Power: 93 Reputation: 2167 Children: Gavin born June 17th, 2007 |
I'm sure it's a lot harder on YOU to leave him, than it is for him...and like Kaytee said, dragging it out will only make it harder for him. I recently went back to work 1 or 2 days a week, just to get out of the house, and my husband would call me saying that he couldn't get Gavin to sleep (and I could hear him just SCREAMING in the background)...it killed me, but after the first 5 times or so, daddy got just as good about putting him to bed. Plus it gives them time to bond without me there, which I think is really important.
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