capescafe

Hi all,
I just registered for this forum tonight. So I'm new here. I'm hoping someone will have some helpful tips or advice on how to get a toddler to sleep in his bed.

I have a little boy who is now 21 months. At 7 months I did a sleep training thing with him where I'd just put him to sleep awake in his crib and let him cry so he's learn how to go to sleep on his own. It only took about a week before he was sleeping great. Since then it was so easy to put him down at night. I'd just do the same routine every night (i.e. "nigh nigh, give daddy a kiss nigh nigh, give mommy a kiss nigh nigh, here's your blanket and your doggy, mommy tucks you in, nigh nigh love you) and he's just lay there and after I left he'd be asleep in less than 5 min. usually. It was so nice. Then in January, we moved to a new state. We moved to be closer to my family and my parents flew to our new location with him and he slept in the porta crib there for a couple nights. My husband and I drove and were there a few days later. Then we got his crib all set up once the moving truck got there and we put him in his new room. But he was sick and it was a new room and so he ended up waking up several times and just wanting to be with us so we let him sleep in our bed.

But the next night we put him back in his room and he did just fine. But somehow after that he'd keep waking up during the night and I guess I just got out of the practice of letting him cry himself back to sleep. So I'd end up picking him up and either rocking him back to sleep or bringing him to bed with us. Then about 3 weeks ago he started refusing to sleep in his crib. So then I tried letting him cry it out again but he'd just scream and scream for longer than he did before. He'd fall asleep for a little bit but w/in a half hour he was up again crying for another 45 min. or longer. Finally I just wanted to get some sleep so I took him to bed with us. Then every night after that was a battle to get him to sleep in his crib. So we gave in and just let him sleep with us. That was probably where we went wrong. So then I built him a twin size bed frame that was low to the ground so he could get in and out. And we talked a lot about his new bed, trying to get him excited about it. I finished the bed over the weekend and he loves it. He doesn't have a problem sleeping in it, but he won't let me just put him down and leave him. He wants me to lay down next to him until he falls asleep. But then if he wakes up during the night I do the same thing. Lay down next to him til he falls asleep. At first I didn't mind, but now it takes quite a while before he goes to sleep. And that's my "me" time.

Anyways, sorry this post is so long. I just wanted to explain a little about my son's sleeping habits. But what are some things I can do to help him feel comfortable to go to sleep without me having to lay down next to him and stay there until he goes to sleep? I tried putting on some quiet music cuz he likes that. I also let him take one book with him to bed but I told him he has to lay down on his pillow to read it. Then he has his blanket and his doggy with him. But he keeps saying "mommy lay down on the pillow." I managed to leave him all by himself last night and I thought he'd go to sleep cuz he didn't cry when I left and he seemed ok. But then about 5 min. later he came running out of his room crying and saying "mommy lay down". Do I just close the door completely and let him cry himself to sleep? It just somehow seems more cruel now. But maybe I'm just being a pushover.

Any tips and advice on what to do would be much appreciated. Thanks.

SageMother

I suggest you grit your teeth and let him scream if that is what it takes for him to get himself to sleep. He has learned to make more noise. He is older so he can do more of it. If you give in to his screaming then he will leanr tha tvolume getshiim what he wants and he will be a tyrant before he reaches preschool and impossible to have in a class with other kids.

If his screams bother you then, and this is going to sound harsh, get some ear plugs or do something to make the noise so it doesn't baother you as much. Once his physical needs are taken care of, and you know he is in no danger, go back to your original routine. Then, the next time he gets ill, you don't change that routine except to administer meds or to check his temperature. Providing comfort for him after the sleep period is set to start can be accomplished with stuffed animals, soft music, a hot water bottle...but use something that isn't giving him more adult attention. When it is time to sleep, it is time to sleep.

mamab

I'm with sagemother, sometimes you just have to let them cry things out. I know it's heartbreaking for you, been there done that, but he has to learn to go sleep on his own without you in there with him.

By all means, make sure that his physical needs are met. Then go through your routine. Tell him it is time for bed and you expect him to stay in bed and go to sleep. Determine a suitable "punishment" if he gets up and tell him what that punishment will be. If he gets up, make sure you FOLLOW THROUGH! He is being willfully disobedient, and needs to know that disobedience has consequences.

Another option would be to determine what he REALLY wants - a toy, book, trip to the zoo, etc. - and then tell him that he has to go to sleep in his own bed without mommy. Each night that he does that, he gets a star. Do this every night for about a month or so (or however long it takes) and tell him that when the chart is all the way filled up, he gets that item/trip.

We used that tactic with my boys to get them to potty train. And, it worked, they both can potty by themselves now.

happy2bg33k

First let me offer my sympathy to you. My son was a terrible sleeper and only started sleeping more than two hours at a time at about 3 1/2 years old. So I know how hard this is for you. I would agree that you may just have to bear the screaming. A reward chart would be a really good idea. Is he scared of something? We discovered that my daughter was scared of "monsters" at that age so we concocted "monster spray" (basically air freshener in a fancily decorated bottle) that we sprayed around her bed every night. It worked pretty well to calm her fears. Maybe there is some similar ritual you can come up with for your son.

capescafe

Thanks for all of you responses and your support. I'm taking your advice and I realize I am just going to have to let him cry it out. So we started the other night. It's been two nights. The first was horrible and last night was a little bit better. I think he's starting to realize he just needs to go to sleep in his own bed and that I will not lay down with him. We told him if he goes to bed like a good boy without crying he can get a happy face sticker in the morning. But if he doesn't behave and screams and cries then he doesn't get to watch his elmo dvd which he loves.

So we'll see how it goes today. I'll keep posting the progress. I'm super tired and am looking forward to getting some better sleep.

capescafe

Let me just say to you all who responded, Thank you so much! When I first read your replies that I should just let him cry it out I cringed, cuz I hate doin that. But I know that it does eventually work and you just sorta have to grit your teeth as SageMother said.

The last few nights I had to just close the door and let him scream and cry. It was so hard and I felt so mean. But I told myself there's no goin back now. So what I did was, I put him to bed as I usually do, sang him his Old MacDonald song that he always wants me to sing, then I said, "Ok nigh nigh, mommy loves you." But then of course he wanted me to stay and keep singing Old MacDonald, but I realized that's just so he can keep me in there longer. So then I'd quickly walk out and close the door and he'd start screamin and cryin and came to the door. So what I did was after 10 min. if he wasn't in his bed, I'd open the door and just quickly pick him up and put him back in his bed and I'd say "go nigh nigh, love you" and then quickly walk out again. Then if he came running to the door again, I'd just do the same exact thing. Wait another 10 min. and then quickly bring him back to his bed. The first time, it only took me doing that 2 times and then he stayed on his bed and cried for another 15 min. but then finally went to sleep. The 2nd night he came to the door about 4 times and kept saying "open the door." But he finally gave up. But then last night, I told him, "If you stay on your bed and go to sleep, then mommy will leave the door open". So I thought I'd just try it to see what happens. So I sang Old MacDonald, tucked him in and then said my usual, "nigh nigh, love you" and just walked out quickly. Amazingly, he started wining and crying a little as I was walking out, but as soon as I left and didn't close the door he stopped crying and just went to sleep. It was so quick and hardly any fussing. I just now put him down for his nap too, and he cried a little more, but he knew to stay on his bed and then he just finally laid down and went to sleep. So what we do now at night is before we go to bed, I close the door to the bathroom and our office, and I leave our bedroom door open. I also check out in the livingroom to make sure there's nothing out that he could get into if he were to wake up and go out there. But so far once he wakes up he just comes running into our room.

The only thing now is, he just keeps wakin up at least once during the night. It's usually only 1 time around 2 or 3am and he just wants like water or juice or something. So I give a little something to drink then put him back in bed. I'm just not sure how to get him to sleep the whole night through again without wakin up. Do you think it's just a phase?

Kaytee

well the others gave you some great advise, personally though I don't do CIO. I think for my daughter personally that would be sooo much worse. If you can handle the screaming then by all means give it a shot. I don't think not letting them cry is going to make them go to therapy as adult. But when my dd cries, and yes she still wakes thorugh the night at 15 months, I go to her. Usually what happens is she cries I go to her, hold her for 5 min and then she goes back to sleep in her crib. And yes she is awake I don't rock her to sleep or anything. You may want to check out a book called No Cry Sleep Solutions. I can't remember off hand who wrote it but it will be easy to find, very popular book. They have great advise on how to get you child to sleep with out letting them cry it out. HTH and good luck

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