Parents Forum

ljmahr · 10-17-2007, 02:19 PM

My husband and I have been married for 3 years. My older 2 daughter's are not biologically his. The 5 year old calls my husband daddy and doesn't know she had a different dad. They both haven't seen the "real" father in 2 years, his choice not ours. The 8 year old only calls him her dad to other people when we are not around. Anyways, they fight all the time. She is a more sensitive type person and doesn't handle getting teased very well. I know it is a common thing for father's to tease their kids, heck, my dad teased me. But it seems like it is so much worse for her. I try to talk to him and let him know it is like torture for her but he doesn't really listen. It isn't like he abuses her or anything. Its just little things like drinking from her cup or making faces at her. She goes nuts! Screams and cries and throws big fits. I am so tired of hearing her scream over this. Anyone ever been in a similar situation? What type of things did you do to help your daughter handle herself better? Or should I say to get the stepfather to back off?

Kaytee · 10-17-2007, 02:21 PM

Get him to back off. even though he is not her father and she doens't call him dad, he is the "man" in her life. She is obviously sensitive to how he talks to her. Even if she is overly sensitive, that is not her fault. He needs to back off

Welcome to the board by the way

fallon · 10-17-2007, 02:29 PM

my step father teased me all the time and I hated it. Personally I would talk to him and let him know that she takes it really hard and he should back off of her. Seriously I know he isn't trying to hurt her feelings and you guys probably think she should just not take it so hard but as a girl who has been there done that I can tell you that she doesn't see it that way. He could damage any realtionship she'll ever have with him and you if it bothers her as bad it it sounds. I promise I'm not tyring to say you guys are doing anything wrong...I know it isn't like he's calling her names or he's trying to be mean, I understand but everybody is different and if she hates it it needs to not happen to her. Now if she sees the other kids enjoying the teasing she may come around but it needs to be up to her.

ljmahr · 10-17-2007, 08:41 PM

The thing is when her friends or our friends or family is around she takes it. She even teases him back the same way. But like dinner time at our house. She has a meltdown if he teases her in anyway. I do know it is hard for her but on the other hand she teases him back.
In response to watching the other's get teased. Yes he does the same thing to her 5 year old sister, actually worse. But she just laughs and teases him back. Sometimes she will even join in on the teasing of her older sister. But she is tougher I think.

1dayatatime · 10-17-2007, 10:48 PM

I didn't have the step dad dynamic but my dad teased me all the time. Same kinda thing faces drinking from my cup, eating "my" snacks, etc. At the time I didn't get it and I complained to my mom alot. She always had a way of explaining things so I understood better. Anyway, (i love my mom) They both teased my just dad was so much worse. They were being playful and trying to prepare me for life. They teased me so much in love that when I came in contact with kids at school that teased it didn't phase me. I had a comeback for anything they dished out. You can't come unarmed to a mental fight.

ljmahr · 10-19-2007, 10:41 PM

See that is what my husband says. He says how there will always be someone around that picks on you, so she might as well get used to it. I don't know. I think a home is somewhere you should feel safe not to get picked on. I and even my in-laws have tried telling her to not throw a fit over it and he will stop. It is true but she can't do it. She can last usually about 5 minutes tops.

SpitNCobra13 · 10-21-2007, 01:22 AM

First of all, I grew up with a stepfather that wasn't at all loving/caring toward me, and I grew up strongly disliking him for it. He is divorced from my mom now. Your husband needs to give your daughter her space, and respect her boundaries. Kids are just as much people as adults, and they deserve respect in the same measure.

fallon · 10-21-2007, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ljmahr

See that is what my husband says. He says how there will always be someone around that picks on you, so she might as well get used to it. I don't know. I think a home is somewhere you should feel safe not to get picked on. I and even my in-laws have tried telling her to not throw a fit over it and he will stop. It is true but she can't do it. She can last usually about 5 minutes tops.

Is there maybe a connection with her being tired...I know my dd can take it and dish it out unless of course she's tired from school or playing or whatever, than she's a whining maniac if anyone teases her

ljmahr · 10-21-2007, 09:32 PM

I don't know if its a tired thing or not.
You know, I took 2 of my girls grocery shopping with us today and my 8 year old and 13 month old stayed home with dad. While I was gone and even when I got back she seemed to be acting better about it. But then my 8 year old and I had a banquet to go to tonight and wasn't home much today. My husband says she doesn't act that way unless I am there. I know in my heart that it isn't me that does something to encourage her behavior of not being able to take it. But this really makes me wonder.

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