FooserX

Why does she have all this free time anyway?

Get her involved in some activities or something. Keep her mind off...things.

Kaytee

I was never thinking that her intent was to meat boys. It may be though. In 6th grade mine was. lol But this may be putting a child who has already been in similar situations all that more comfy with things too advanced for her age.

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Anna78

I'm not sure exactly how old 6th grade is in the US, as our schooling system is different, but I think its around 11-12?? I remember at that age, I was not allowed to be out without parental supervision, let alone in a park, and the world was a much safer place back then. I can understand you wanting to let her see her friends, but I can almost guarentee that these boys are paying her attention for another reason other than they want to be her friend.

However, you know this area much better than me obviously and I'm sure can judge whether it is safe for your daughter to be there alone.

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jtee

On the park issue. We are going with what my wife thinks is acceptable. She thinks it is OK for our daughter to go to the park for 1 hour or 4:30pm after school, which ever comes first. She has to go\return with one of her girl friends and have a cell phone. They can't leave the park and go any where. All rules about talking\meeting with strangers always apply. If I am concerned about the kids activities, well I can have my daily run at the park, which I already do about 25% of the time.

My wife's argument is that this park is a safe place for kids because of the amount of adults that are always around in the afternoon. My wife feels if there are going to be any problems our daughter socializing with older middle school boys, my wife wants to start dealing with it now, not push it off into the future. She perceive any issues that might arise will be small ones not big ones.

The agreement we have worked out with our daughter is that if she can't stick with the agreement, then the park will become off limits without adult supervision.

We had her write the agreement on her computer. It took a several revisions, but we finally agreed. It was kind of fun (for us), because she had to work out all the details herself.

FooserX

Wow.

Every parent has their own style...and I know you're intelligent, but sorry...this just seems like such a bad decision to me.

It sounds like you're treating your girl like an adult, or a young adult.....when in fact she's 11. 11! She's still a kid...a kid who found it in herself to sneak around and have sex with a boy for quite a while before anyone in the family found out. In fact, if you had not of walked in on them...they probably would still be doing it.

You gave her 3 conditions, which I don't see addressing any of the problems that might arise.

1 - She can only go for an hour. Well a lot can happen in an hour. I don't mean she's going to run off and do something...but an hour is a long time for kids to do nothing together. That's a long time to meet and talk to new boys and girls...a long time to get into mischeif.

2 - She has to go with a girl friend. Wow...what does that help prevent?

3 - She has to carry a cell phone. Unless there's an emergency, why would she need it?

I don't think anyone is worried that she's going to be a victim in some brutal crime...or leave the park to have sex. It's about mixing with the wrong crowd...being too available to boys. You've made it a point to say how flirtacious she is and boys like her....and now you're allowing her to mix right in with that crowd.

I wouldn't let my kid do this at 16...much less 11.

You never answered my question....is your daughter in any extra curricular activities? Sports? Music? Clubs? Anything??

jtee

Well since you actually put together a post that resembles something close to a coherent argument, and one that doesn't not lead off with a back handed comment, I will put some thought into it and write a response.

Fatheredfive

Jtee, I'm coming late to this party and confess to not having read the entire thread. Sorry if what I'll say here is repetitive of what's already been said.

It's so coincidental that I found this forum after having just read Meg Meeker's book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. She is unequivocal: teens (much less preteens) are too young to be sexually active, both medically and psychologically. On the medical front, immature cervical tissue is much more susceptible to STDs, including HPV which causes cervical cancer. On the psychological front, Meeker calls depression an STD because it is so prevalent in her sexually active teen patients.

Please read the book. It convinced me that I was wrong to leave the sex talk with my Daughter (15) to my wife. Why? Because (Meeker argues) you are the first and most important man in her life. She needs to hear it from YOU that sex is wonderful when [insert your values statement here], but that she has to wait until it won't harm her.

If you let this go, and your daughter unconsciously sees that walk-in as what ruined her relationship with daddy, she'll have an unhealthy attitude toward sex for the rest of her life.

Bravo for your calm and concern. I'll go back and read more of the thread now and may discover I owe you an apology. Please read the book, though. She not only motivates fathers to speak up, but tells them HOW to do it and what to say.

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jenilouise

Wow well I stumbled upon this forum and I am so glad I stumbled upon this thread because it freaked me out. My oldest daughter is nine. That is only two years younger than yours and I never entertained the thought that children that young had sex. I was still playing with Barbies at 11 years old. I am flabergasted. I will be having the sex talk sooner than I thought.

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Kaytee

I am with you on that one! I also was playig with barbies still and sleeping with a stuff animal

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jenilouise

I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 16. In fact the day before my birthday the boy I was interested came to my house for dinner and my dad ended up telling me he was a very nice boy and I could date him- but not til the next day LOL! At 11 though I played Barbies and tried to break the world hula hoop record with my best friend Jessica. Nowadays the kids seem to be on the express lane to grow up and I don't see what is so wrong with being a kid a little longer.

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