Parents Forum

jtee · 06-26-2007, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Her being too young for sex is more a social construct than a physical issue in that your doctor said her body is capable

I was interested in what you meant by "social construct". It appears that most of the stress has been created by the adults\parents involved and how we have collectlively reacted. There is a lot of hindsight and second guessing ourselves.

TAR · 06-26-2007, 01:36 PM

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear your going though such a hard situation. I can't begin to put myself in your shoes. I don't even have a response really, but I had to say something I just want you to know that there is always an ear here to listen to all the crazyness you feel. My god bless you and your family and I as I know may other will keep you in our prayers!

SageMother · 06-27-2007, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtee

I was interested in what you meant by "social construct". It appears that most of the stress has been created by the adults\parents involved and how we have collectlively reacted. There is a lot of hindsight and second guessing ourselves.

The acceptable ages for intercourse change with the social needs of the times, or the region of the world. There was a time that a girl being married to her 2nd cousin at 13 was acceptable. There have been societies in the past that have accepted intercourse as young as 9 or 10 as acceptable. This is what I mean by "social construct". Just as the number of spouses any one person is allowed varies from country to country, so does the age at which intercourse is acceptable.

jtee · 06-27-2007, 02:48 PM

Jill is off at gymnastic camp until next Sunday. She has enjoyed it for the past three years and I think this year it will be a healthy distraction.

jtee · 06-29-2007, 12:00 AM

I was very reluctant, and my wife (Jan) and discussed it for a couple of days, but we have decided to read our daughterâ€™s email stored on her bedroom computer along with her journal and what websites she has been visiting in recent months. It was a very difficult decision, but we need to get a full understanding of how this happened without us starting to suspect. Her age is a significant factor in our decision. It would be unlikely we would make this decision if she were at an older stage of development (under 18).

Kaytee · 06-29-2007, 05:58 AM

You are probably right about it happening slowly over time. I am not sure about invading her diary though, just me. Not sure its wrong wither though. If I was in your situation, i am not sure what I would do. The computer, heck I won't allow my kid to have to computer in her room when she is older. I also think computers are fair game when it comes to looking.

mamab · 06-29-2007, 12:37 PM

If she's in your house, and under your rules, then I don't think it's wrong to read her diary if she's doing something that you know is unsafe for her. She may be younger, but that doesn't mean she couldn't get pregnant, or a sexual disease. If she had said something even in passing about suicide, you'd look in that diary without hesitation to see if she were seriously thinking about it. If she were playing with a gun, you'd do what you had to do to keep her safe. Just because this is sex, it's no different. Ultimately you're responsible to her and FOR her, so I believe you're within your rights to look at the diary and the computer. You're doing what you have to as a parent to protect the child you love.

That all being said, I think it's great that you want to lessen the invasion into her privacy by only having your wife look. There may be things in there that would be embarrassing for her if you read them. I don't know the relationship you've had in the past, but I know it's bound to change with this situation. I hope you're always as thoughtful and concerned as you are now.

Also, I would suggest that if you and your wife haven't already, consider birth control of some type. If she's having sex at this age, it's not a leap to figure that she'll do it when she gets older.

jtee · 06-29-2007, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaytee

You are probably right about it happening slowly over time. I am not sure about invading her diary though, just me. Not sure its wrong wither though. If I was in your situation, i am not sure what I would do. The computer, heck I won't allow my kid to have to computer in her room when she is older. I also think computers are fair game when it comes to looking.

Kaytee, for the most part it is my wife's call. She is more the realist and she felt it needed to be done, even peaking into her journal. She wouldn't have done it if we both didn't agree because it is a slippery slope for us as parents, it only makes it easier the next time, and we don't want to find ourselves justifying doing things like this later on if she comes home 10 minutes late on a date when she is 16 years old.

jtee · 06-30-2007, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamab

If she had said something even in passing about suicide, you'd look in that diary without hesitation to see if she were seriously thinking about it. If she were playing with a gun, you'd do what you had to do to keep her safe. Just because this is sex, it's no different. Ultimately you're responsible to her and FOR her, so I believe you're within your rights to look at the diary and the computer. You're doing what you have to as a parent to protect the child you love.

Also, I would suggest that if you and your wife haven't already, consider birth control of some type. If she's having sex at this age, it's not a leap to figure that she'll do it when she gets older.

Mamab... your reasoning is pretty close to my wife's on this matter. She has used similar analogies to get me change my mind about looking at Jillâ€™s private thoughts.

Kaytee · 06-30-2007, 02:23 PM

I hope that you don't discover anyhting new. I hope that all is out and that you can all begin to deal with this situation without other situations coming into play

Parents Forum

Parenting Community

Pregnancy Forums

Parenting Resources