Parents Forum

SageMother · 07-01-2007, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaytee

I hope that you don't discover anyhting new. I hope that all is out and that you can all begin to deal with this situation without other situations coming into play

I have to say, this is why I never kept diaries or journals when I was growing up. If I had, and had been in the same circumstances as the 11 year old here, I would have destroyed the diary as a precaution.

When a parent decides to take this step, there's no turning back. If the daughter find out that the diary has been read, I wouldn't expect her to have one ounce of understanding about the concerns that lead to the act.

jtee · 07-02-2007, 11:30 PM

We went back and forth for several days before coming to our final decision, and I still waiver between feeling it is the right decision or not. My wife did start reading the journal and stopped after about 20 minutes stating she had read enough to understand what needs to be discussed with Jill. My wife commented afterwards that 80% of what she skimmed over could be printed on front page of any newspaper, but the other 20% was pretty private thoughts on various topics.

jtee · 07-03-2007, 05:13 PM

We picked up Jill from camp on Sunday. She had a great time. I like this camp because they are primarily interested in making sure the girls have a lot of fun for a week while the working on improving their gymnastics skills. It is just as much about building their self esteem as it their technical skills. The camp is for preteens, so all the girls are 8-12.

jtee · 07-10-2007, 01:48 PM

There have been a couple casual mother-daughter talks about sex and few other issues that we feel need to be addressed. Jill will be starting middle school in a couple of months so we want her get off to a good start. She is very excited about it, and if she had her wish she would have started middle school last year; she wanted to skip a grade, but we never considered it. Academically she probably could have handled it, but her overall maturity wasn't ready for middle school last year despite her claims otherwise. In the light of this situation, it turned out to be a better decision than we could have foreseen.

Kaytee · 07-10-2007, 08:16 PM

Don't beat yourself up over missing it. I doubt many would have thought it could have happened at such a young age. It sounds like you and your wife are handling it well now.

FooserX · 07-11-2007, 11:21 AM

>>>>I doubt many would have thought it could have happened at such a young age. It sounds like you and your wife are handling it well now.

lol...whoa! Don't lump me in there with that generalization. Not all parents are as out of tune with with their kids as this dad is. I'm sorry, but these kids having sex on a regular basis and not being caught is mind boggling.

Parents should know what their kids are doing 24/7. They should know who they are with, who is supervising, what they are eating...etc.

Of course the girl is promising that she'll never have sex again! She feels bad! Not that she did it, but that she got busted and disappointed her parents. Once that feeling goes away, the genie is indeed out of the bottle.

I definitely would keep tabs on your kid (even IF she wasn't having sex) at all times. No going out on dates alone with guys until they are at a responsible age - i.e. until they leave home! :-P Who cares if she thinks it's unfair...she's underage and clearly not ready to be making her own decisions for a Loooooong time.

SageMother · 07-11-2007, 02:01 PM

I think 24/7 is a tall oder and just impossible these days. Things are probably going as well as they can be expected to, given the circumstances.

Kaytee · 07-12-2007, 06:07 AM

hmmm well 24 hours a day. I can't even keep tabs on my 18 month old for 24 hours a day and I am a stay at home mom. Do you sit in your child bedroom while they are sleeping? I snuck out of my house a few times in the middle of the night. Right out my bedroom window and right back in there before anyone knew. Was it wrong? sure but hey I was 16. Was it stupid and dangerous? absoulty, but again you cannot watch a child 24 hours a day.
Do you go to school with your child (of course if they are home schooled, then you do) but did you know that most high school kids ditch at least one day sometime in their high school days.
You remind me, just in your short post, of a friends mom in high school. She was crazy in a sense. Never let her children do anyhting! What happened, well my friend is now 29 years old does not have a good relationship with her mother because well frankly, her mother never trusted her.
Parents make mistakes, and if you haven't well then I should just bow down and call you the Lord of Parenting. Of course if you think you have never made a mistake, you will wke up from your illusion some day and realaize you are crazy.

FooserX · 07-12-2007, 06:24 AM

Did I say physically watch your kid 24/7? (I could have, I don’t remember :-P)

I meant you should know where your kid is 24/7. I know my kid is sleeping in their room. I know he’s at school…I talk with his teachers every other day to see how he’s doing, if he’s behaving, etc. I know where he’s at and what he’s doing while I take a nap. If he happens to have an accident, I’ll know it’s a normal accident that just happens…not some horrific choice he’s made because I was irresponsible and not paying attention to him or his actions on a regular basis.

I’m not “crazy” by any means…but I am an involved parent. There’s a difference. I let him experience the world, let him make his own mistakes from his own decisions, etc…but stuff like spending alone time with the opposite sex, or spending too much time with bad friends, not studying enough…etc…that’s just not going to happen. Too much free time is when kids decide to experiment with sex, drugs, cigarettes, etc. If you’re an involved, loving, and consistent parent, I just don’t see how kids can fall into those pitfalls.

I don’t claim to know every parent’s situation, but I have met my fair share of loving involved parents, and their kids are pretty darn responsible and living up to their potential.

And my son is only 4….so I’m sure my opinion will change hey? J

Kaytee · 07-12-2007, 06:42 AM

Well you say things like the last post, you do seem more normal and not crazy. lol The first post, in my opinion, was just rude. sorry. Yes I do believe this father made a mistake in parenting, then again he knows he made a mistake and now he is trying to fix it. Thats what parenting is about, learning from your mistakes not indulging in them.
And I do know some very consistent very involved parents and the child has gone the wrong way. It happens unfortuanatly. All we can do is our best and hope our best is enough. There are also many adults who were great kids, good grades, never yelled at their parents, then they go away to college or whatever and its all down hill.

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