jtee

The boundaries we have set for our daughter are specific to who she is right now and her abilities to deal with various responsibilities and problems. This is our formula for our child; each parent needs to figure out what formula\methods works for their children (individually) and all the factors\influences in their environment.

megan

How did your daughter's doctor's appointment go? Did she learn some useful information and get some birth control?

Your daughter seems fairly well adjusted, in a stable home with devoted parents, and would probably fit the definition of "A Nice Girl". I point this out because nice girls have sex, and nice girls enjoy having sex. There may not be too many young girls like your daughter's age choosing to be sexually active, but it does happen, it is just not talked about. What knowing parent tells their family, friends, or co workers "I found my preteen daughter having sex". Nobody discusses it even with the closest of friends. Why else would you feel the need to write pages and pages of what you are thinking and feeling here in this forum? If you felt confortable talking with a real person, that is what you would do.

You really need to keep an eye out on older boys, and even adult men. I had my fair share of difficulties with them shortly after I started having sex at 12. I won’t go into my full life story, but girls that young don’t know how to handle the sexual advances of older boys and men. It was just a few days after my 13th birthday when I was seduced into having sex with a 28 year old man I hardly knew. It wasn’t a negative experience, and I did enjoy it at the time, but in retrospective I can see how easily it was for him to say and do things that got me to mislead my parents as to where I was (stay at a girlfriend’s), and spend the night with him. I don’t regret having sex so much, but he shouldn't have talked me into lying to my parents. He was interested in have sex with a 13 year old girl, and he seduced me. But what I find scary as an adult now is that I hardly knew this man, and it easily could have been a dangerous situation for me.

jtee

Her appointment was last Friday, it was the last appointment of the day. It was scheduled for 1 hour, but went nearly 2 hours because it was going so well. Our daughter ended up asking a lot questions, which the doctor says most girls her age don't do. Jill can get like that when she is very curious about something, one question leads to another that leads to another, and on and on. She has been known to wear people out, but most people like to talk about their area of expertise.

jtee

More...

Apparently Jill was very forthcoming and answered most of the questions to the best of her ability. Often the doctor had to stop to explain things because Jill didn't understand certain facts or terminology. As an example, oral sex had to be explained to help determine if Jill had engaged in oral sex, or other forms of sex beside intercourse. The doctor quickly determined that Jill's knowledge and activities was limited to the very basics of sex and only went as far has having intercourse in a few basic positions.

Kaytee

Wow, just reading that I cna't imagine going throught htis with my own daughter. I hope that if a time comes in her life that she is ready to have sex, not this young though, that she will come ot me.

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mamab

I'm sorry, maybe I'm a prude, but I just can't see being so calm about your 11 yo daughter have sex. I'd be furious and would probably ground her for life! I know that's old fashioned, and I don't really care. I just think that children shouldn't be having consensual sex, that's best dealt with in their later teens, preferably MUCH later, and after they're married.

jtee

I have received a hand full of private emails with both support and critical comments. All opinions are welcome, public or private.

jtee

Many parents have a simple rule: "No sex while under our roof" and wonder why we just don't make it that simple for our daughter in our home. I have no problem with other parents making that decision because it is their home, their family, and a completely different set of factors to consider.

Kaytee

I guess the way I have seen your posts is that the anger and frustration is just not typed. I am sure, of course I may be wrong, but I see it as ok we have done the anger part and now we need to fix the problem we have. Not that you are just blindly saying, yep she had sex.

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
http://www.spcnicholasidalski.com

jtee

That is a good assessment Kaytee. However, there wasn't any anger involved. It was shock and confusion. I still struggle with how we let this slip by us.