scubajay1153

I am a career firefighter and proud parent of two great boys ages 4 yrs and 7 months. I am going to be away from home next week to attend the funerals of two Boston Firefighters that were killed in the line of duty. I may be away from home for two days and I am positive that my 4 year old will ask where I am going and why. My problem is that if I explain to him where and why I am going that he may think that I will die everytime I leave for work. I have many thoughts and ideas on what to say but any thoughts and/or advice would be fabulous.

fallon

I think here it may be best to leave out the details. Although it was honorable 4 yr olds stress really easily over things like this, especially when they see a link to a parent. Here's an example (and it actually happened this afternoon), my dd (also 4) heard me saying one day that I am allergic to bees and could die if I were stung. Today we were having lunch at the park and of course there were bees hanging around. She turned as white as a ghost, and almost had a full blown panic attack, we actually had to leave the park for the day and she came home went straight to her blanket and didn't talk for about 1/2 an hour. It was really bad, and she has never before been afraid of bees even though she was well aware that they could sting. I spent the rest of the night comforting her and making her feel better about the bees. Anyways... I just think that at this age it would be best for him to just simply say you have to go away for a few days because of an accident and leave it at that. To many details will just bring stress to you child and that's just not necessary. As he gets older he should probably understand the risks involved with what you do (good for you by the way, that's brave work) but now just isn't the right time

Kaytee

I don't know if leaving the child in the dark is the right way to go either though. I htink death needs be explained in a way that particular child can handle it. I think if you are even remotley religious, that might be the way to go. That they went to see God and even though they will be missed someday we will see them again.
When my brother died my nephew was 4 years old, might have been close to 5 though. He handles his uncles death fairly hard. He is a very sensitive boy though. But we gave him lots of hugs and reasurment that Nick was with God and looking down on us. It helped him cope.
I wouldn't suggest saying things like oh well 2 guys died that do the same thing daddy does" but more of 2 friends of ours ahve passed away to be with God and i am going to say goodbye to them. At 4 years old, I would leave it at that, but ask him if he has any questions about it. Answer honestly but again age appropriately. If he asks weather you (daddy) migh tdie. Don't lie and say no I will not die, but say something like, No one knows when they will go to see God but that is not something you should worry about because we love you and you will always be taken care of.
Maybe its just the way I am, we have had a lot of death in our family unfortunately so we cannot hide it even from the little ones.

Also thank you for risking your life for others. Bless you and your family

__________________

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!
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SageMother

You can be truthful and say there was an accident at a fire and the firefighters died. Emphasize the accident aspect to let him know that this isn't a daily occurrence.

tater03

I agree that children need to know about death but I just don't feel that at their age they need to know about your coworkers death. I just feel that death is hard enough on children when it is someone close to them but then to add the fact that this was death due to involving something that their father does for a living would just make it that much more harder to understand and might stress them out about your job.
I am sorry to hear about your coworkers.

mamab

I think I would probably not talk about their deaths in the line of duty. I think it's fine to tell them that they were firefighters who died, and that you wanted to go and honor them because of the "love and brotherhood" among firefighters. I don't think you have to give the child cause for concern, just be honest about their dying, you don't have to say how they died.