Kai_Ohuane

I completely relate jldaniels..except I never lay a hand..or belt..on my child. I've gotten the belt and the wooden spoon when I was younger...
A- it depends on a child's personality- discipline is different for different personalities. Time outs, yelling, and taking away priveledges don't work for my son....it's the wording and almost like a mind-game you have to play with him to have him understand or obey.
B- it depends on thier upbringing/past. It sounds like all of what you have been through has affected your daughters- especially the older one as she was more aware of what was going on. If you and any of your SO's don't get along, then they will take that subconsciously as thinking it's ok to act out too.

But I still have trouble- moreso lately than ever and I think it's because
- I'm divorced (my ex and I get along well though)
- His half-sister moved to Florida early this year and is in town visiting for the summer
- School's almost out, summer's approaching
- Summer schedule is always hectic (a week with the ex, a week with me)
- My bf and I have been living together for the past 3 years. He does tend to jump the gun at disciplining him or we say different things to him which I'm sure confuses him. I've told my bf before to let me handle situations and when he does need to help discipline, to be less strict (as in threatening to take away things right off the bat)...I think this is a big part of it. Yet, he and I do sit down and talk about it when things like this happen, then we talk with my son together and take our turns talking so that my son can see that my bf and I are on the same page.

He tends to act out more when he comes back from his dad's. He usually goes to his place every other weekend, so he doesn't see him as much during the school year...and many times he goes over there they end up doing something fun...so when he gets back he is wound up, and gets the attitude with me. It's almost like having a teenager but at the age of 8.
I've broken down and cried, too....I feel helpless when I have tried to reason with him in a calm manner but then he just keeps pressing and worsening the situation.
I think that it's time for some complete reconstruction, meaning I need to talk with my bf again and tell him that I need to handle the disciplining. I've let him do it too much and I think that's why my son tries to get away with things with me. My bf said that his parents were very strict with him, but IMO it shouldn't have to be that way with my son. We limit him too much, but on the other hand, every time he is ready to go when we're leaving, doing something I ask of him and not whine, etc. I thank him and tell him that it was great of him to cooperate without fuss.
It's tough....I know as we go things will get better but there are times where I think that I'm a bad parent and there is nothing I can do to get through to him.

Kai_Ohuane

Here is what I created- this is going to be a by-the-book regiman that we have to stick too........feedback welcome.

Good Behaviour is:

- Following instructions immediately with no whining or arguing…i.e. tasks, getting ready in the morning or before bed
- No yelling
- Washing hands before eating and after using bathroom
-Flushing toilet (without mess)
- Taking care of dishes/cups/napkins after eating
-Being ready in the morning/when we’re going somewhere
- putting away clean clothes, cleaning room on regular basis
- No lying


Good Behaviour Reward:
1. Earn $1.00 every day for good behavior, respect, and doing as asked- $1.00 will not be given if not followed
2. Earn extra $1.00 for doing chores, or being exceptionally well-behaved


Disciplinary Actions:
(One warning will be given before each action)
1st disciplinary action:
- No $1.00 for the day

2nd disciplinary action:
- 8-10 min. timeout, no dessert

3rd disciplinary action:
- No wii, computer, TV/DVD/video for certain period of time (1-3 days or more depending on severity of behavior)


Our part:
[FONT='Calibri','sans-serif']-We will use nice voices with you, and say Please when asking you to do/not do something, and we will not yell
-Also, Mom will be the main contact for discipline. We will not both tell you to do the same thing
-We will not argue (though we may disagree on a mature, calm level at times), we will not raise our voices at each other

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