GilbertDaddy

My daughter (6.5) sometimes has bad days where she fights over a swing at the playground, or yells at a teacher when she's not ready to stop doing work, etc.

I've been working with her so she can learn to handle conflict better, but she is still working through it.

It's only a few times a quarter.. none in the past 2-3 weeks, but sometimes there are those weeks where every day is something.

I'm a single dad so by the time I make the hour drive from work to pick her up at afterschool daycare (which she's good at), it's usually time for dinner, lil homework, and bedtime routine of reading, brushing, etc.

I can usually let one day slide. She'll get a talking to and a warning that repeat behavior will result in privileges lost. If it's been less than a few weeks since the last one though, I usually jump to the below first option.

First is usually a password put on her computer (which she rarely plays aside from weekends, but hates being locked out of).

Second is usually the loss of a favorite stuffed animal or something.

Third is usually something else close to her (like a snowglobe her grandma gave her that she turns on each night).

I've only had to go to a fourth night once.. and that was moving her mattress to her brother's room's floor (who's potty training) and a talk about how having her own room is something she can have when she learns to act her age and respect her teachers and schoolmates.



She gets the above given back in phases of good days.

She's a smart girl, VERY well-behaved, but has a lot of energy (and probably some of my ADD) and loves to talk.

She's honest and upfront when I ask her about her day every afternoon which I greatly appreciate. But I wonder how other parents deal with their 1st graders who have a bad day at school.

It's especially confusing when she has an issue at school, but at afterschool daycare and at home she's perfect and well-behaved. I'm trying to find things I can do to reinforce fitting in and playing along with others well in school

.:Kalli Rae:.

That is a tough one, especially when there is so much time between school and home, but I would keep doing what you are doing. As long as she understands that she will be disciplined when she misbehaves she will get it. But maybe if it is happening that often, try using different discipline. My son and daughter get extra chores if they misbehave at school, and they get those extra chores for about 2 days. If it persists than they lose allowance, and have to spend the evening (except for chores and dinner) sitting on their bed with no toys and no tv, only a couple books to read until shower then bedtime.

But you have to do what works for your kids.

__________________
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children.
Kalli Rae--
Mommy to:
Aaron Joseph- 8yrs Lily Ann Marie- 7yrs Kyla Raye- 4yrs

musicmom

Have her do push ups when she gets home. Push ups won't kill the child but make her tired and she will think the next time she does something at school because she'll know push ups will be coming. Of course along with taking away her favorite privledge like tv or video games for the day.
Works with mine.

GilbertDaddy

LOL that's actually a good idea. She'd have too much fun though.. I work out each morning for 15-20 mins before work and some of them involve using her for extra weight so she'll lay on my back when I do pushups or stand on my feet and hold onto my legs when I do pullups or I'll bench her

Luckily it doesn't happen too often, but I always felt like a jerk punishing her so far after the fact.. but it seems to be working so far *shrug*

Claire64

I think you're doing everything right and if it's working for you, stick with it!

musicmom

ljmahr

The push-up thing is great. I never would think of that one. My daughter get's in trouble for mostly talking at school. She gets things taken away and sometimes has to sit in her room on her bed doing nothing. She has to be good 5 days in a row before she can have something back (video games, certain toys/priveliges). I am with the one who said though, you have to do what works for you and your child.

__________________
Laura

Mommy to 4 beautiful girls and 1 handsome boy

Xero

LOL musicmom the pushups thing is just the funniest idea, I love it. They must hate it, but the cool thing is it's really not harmful. It's just a pain in the butt to them.

Yay 200th post!!

__________________

jenna12475

wow! and to think i thought i was the only one in the world who would have that question over and over again throughout the 7 years of my son's schooling. while being a wonderful child at home, he would really turn it on at school. if it wasn't him acting up in class trying to get the attention of every single student and teacher, then he was playing it up like he just HAD to go to the nurse on a regular basis. after being called into parent/teacher conferences over and over again, i would often ask them what they suggested I do once he gets home? i correct him the moment he makes a mistake, not 4-5 hours later? Anyway, enough of my blabbing, let me try to give you some suggestions or some things I've tried over the years.

1) Make her write an apology note to her teacher/classmates for being disruptive. This gives them an opportunity to be held accountable for what they've done & take some responsibility for it.

2)Everyday I received a call from the school about his behavior, I knocked 15 mins off his bedtime (making him hit the sack early). He HATED this and it (to this day) still works wonders.

3)At one point, I made him list chores that he HATED to do (not explaining the punishment behind it). I put each chore on a piece of paper and put it in a jar. When I would get a call or a nastygram from the school, I would have him pull out a chore to do.

4)Another way that worked well was POSITIVE reinforcement. I would tell him for each good day he had, he would earn points. With those points, he could turn them into me for special activities. It could be anything from earning time outside to play football with his friends, or a movie "date" with me or possibly even a sleep over with a friend. I allowed him to come up with the "special activities."

Over the years, I've tried so many things. I've been so frustrated because as parents, we want our babies to succeed and not have a hard time. About 2 months ago, I received a "tattle tail" email from a teacher and that just threw me over the edge. I decided that it was time to have my son tested for ADD. After many many years of frustration & tears & me trying to fix something (doing lots of research online and in the library), I found out my son does indeed have ADD (which I used to not believe in). Since being diagnosed and starting treatment, i have been TRULY amazed at the turn around of comments I now get from the school. My son's confidence has gone up tremendously as well & now all I hear about are his STRENGTHS not his weaknesses. I've kinda gotten off track a little, but I just want to end this reply with letting you know that I have a HUGE amount of respect for you being a single parent. My dad raised my sister & I as a single parent & I know that it is the toughest job you will ever do. The information I gave you probably isn't the best, but I do hope that through all the replies you get, something works for you. I often compare parenting to computer software. Although it works today, we're always going to find bugs & kinks in the system & need an upgrade. Anyway, good luck dad!!

GilbertDaddy

Thanks Jenna, and don't short yourself - those are AWESOME ideas


It's especially close to home given that I'm a computer programmer - I know all about bugs

I'm on medication for my ADD and it's definitely been a night/day scenario. I've always been, and still am, against medicating ourselves until we feel "better", but this was something that I'd given a few years to improving on my own before conceding.

It's something that runs in my family and based off my daughter's behavior, I believe she also has it.

I'm hesitant to have her treated for it though, at least with medication. I think I may take her in someday if it presents itself to be more of a problem, but I'd still like to avoid medication until she's old enough to have had enough experiences with the affliction/condition and is prepared to make her own decision to try medication.

My brother was a prozac kid for a couple years and I think being aware of what you're taking and why is tantamount to successful treatment. It was a negative experience for him, but it was a great one for me.

Thanks for your story